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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Just a little food du thought:

One thing I repeatedly did that slowed up my recovery was this: I wanted to feel real, desperately...but at the same time I detested Reality. In the world of the real, I had so little power. I was, hideously, at the effect of terrible things like "Causality" and "Time and Space" and Limits and Boundaries. There were terrible events that happened in reality such as sometimes I wanted something I couldn't have and often I was faced with regrets, with how much I wished I could turn back time and do things over again....but in the confines of reality, it was a hopeless dream.

I desperately wanted to feel real. I just didn't want to live in the limits of reality.

I notice from time to time that we express our rage at the real on the board: (I'm not picking on anybody! Just using a couple of examples from my pals). JC posted recently that he was so angry that he couldn't just lounge around on the sofa with a blanket and pillow because people would think he was lazy! Well....yeah. They will. That doesn't mean he IS lazy and it certainly doesn't mean he's a bad person, but that has NOTHING to do with what other people are going to think.

When we rage against "Why is everyone LIKE that?!" we are again, denying our ability to accept reality. We are saying "WHY can't I have my cake and eat it too?!" or "Why can't I do what I want and not have people see me some way I don't want them to?!" Well, yeah. That's life. We have no control over how others see us. We can do things they want us to do and hope they respond. But if we do what they DON'T want us to do, we cannot then turn around and scream at the world because those people aren't happy with us.

Also, sc and others (me included, lol) from time to time get so angry when we post somthing and then feel misunderstood or attacked. We feel like we Didn't MEAN it that way, so nobody else should be entitled to TAKE it that way.

Not reality.

All we do is put somethign out there. People will take it however they take it. We can, if we chooose, apologize if we feel they misunderstood, but we cannot take it back, nor can we FORCE everyone else to accept our intended meaning. Some folks still might harp on what we said. Our apology isn't magic. It can't "undo" something. It can only hopefullly clarify.

My point, and I do have one, grin..is this: watch for how much energy you spend raging against reality. Watch for how FURIOUS you get when things are not heard the way you want them to be, or when people important to you cannot be controlled exactly the way you wish they could.

Accept reality as much as you can. It will make it easier for reality to accept YOU back into its fold.

Peace,
J
 
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Just a little food du thought:

One thing I repeatedly did that slowed up my recovery was this: I wanted to feel real, desperately...but at the same time I detested Reality. In the world of the real, I had so little power. I was, hideously, at the effect of terrible things like "Causality" and "Time and Space" and Limits and Boundaries. There were terrible events that happened in reality such as sometimes I wanted something I couldn't have and often I was faced with regrets, with how much I wished I could turn back time and do things over again....but in the confines of reality, it was a hopeless dream.

I desperately wanted to feel real. I just didn't want to live in the limits of reality.

I notice from time to time that we express our rage at the real on the board: (I'm not picking on anybody! Just using a couple of examples from my pals). JC posted recently that he was so angry that he couldn't just lounge around on the sofa with a blanket and pillow because people would think he was lazy! Well....yeah. They will. That doesn't mean he IS lazy and it certainly doesn't mean he's a bad person, but that has NOTHING to do with what other people are going to think.

When we rage against "Why is everyone LIKE that?!" we are again, denying our ability to accept reality. We are saying "WHY can't I have my cake and eat it too?!" or "Why can't I do what I want and not have people see me some way I don't want them to?!" Well, yeah. That's life. We have no control over how others see us. We can do things they want us to do and hope they respond. But if we do what they DON'T want us to do, we cannot then turn around and scream at the world because those people aren't happy with us.

Also, sc and others (me included, lol) from time to time get so angry when we post somthing and then feel misunderstood or attacked. We feel like we Didn't MEAN it that way, so nobody else should be entitled to TAKE it that way.

Not reality.

All we do is put somethign out there. People will take it however they take it. We can, if we chooose, apologize if we feel they misunderstood, but we cannot take it back, nor can we FORCE everyone else to accept our intended meaning. Some folks still might harp on what we said. Our apology isn't magic. It can't "undo" something. It can only hopefullly clarify.

My point, and I do have one, grin..is this: watch for how much energy you spend raging against reality. Watch for how FURIOUS you get when things are not heard the way you want them to be, or when people important to you cannot be controlled exactly the way you wish they could.

Accept reality as much as you can. It will make it easier for reality to accept YOU back into its fold.

Peace,
J
 

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I can see what u are saying Janine, people need to accept us as we are,and we need to accept them for how they are, if we were all the same life would be so dull. And everyone has different opinions that is what makes us individuals with minds of our own

all the best
 

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I can see what u are saying Janine, people need to accept us as we are,and we need to accept them for how they are, if we were all the same life would be so dull. And everyone has different opinions that is what makes us individuals with minds of our own

all the best
 
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
This is my THIRD effort to write a reply here!!!
It seems my computer doesnt want me to post here!!!

I will NOT rage, I will NOT rage, I will NOT rage....

LOL

PS: I will try again tomorrow. :wink:
 
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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
This is my THIRD effort to write a reply here!!!
It seems my computer doesnt want me to post here!!!

I will NOT rage, I will NOT rage, I will NOT rage....

LOL

PS: I will try again tomorrow. :wink:
 

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Janine when you say

I detested Reality.

Did you detest your childhood reality?

did you then realise that your childhood reality was different as an adult?

how did you learn to accept reality...in its non black white ways, very un controlable? etc

thanks
 
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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Apologies to dear Nicon...I hadn't seen these questions - good for "I" for calling my attention to it.

Perhaps in my rage against reality, I just IGNORE parts of it, lol....

Okay. It's such a complicated concept, and I don't mean that I consciously hated reality - it's not like I was walking around saying 'I just detest the way this world is"

Instead, I just made up my own rules and my own inner universe. I pretended more than I lived. I lived inside my own imagination (where there was no danger of losing, or being rejected, or longing for something I couldn't have). I acted to myself like I didn't even CARE about the real world particularly. I felt superior to most of it.

That is a very important aspect to this. On the outside I might have looked rather lonely and pitiful, but inside I felt superior. It's a kind of "secret narcissism" - a constant inner commentary of judgment against the rest of the world and anything it might have to offer.

It's very close to the ol' fox and the grapes story = he can't climb up high enough to reach them, so he walks off in a huff saying "oh, there were clearly sour anyway...."

I did hate parts of my childhood, but not all of it. The PROBLEM was this: I was so busy hating what I hated, and feeling superior to everything real, that I never USED the GOOD parts of my life. I was focused on the stuff I could judge and feel superior to, instead of living in the world and taking advantage of the abilities I did have and the love and support I did have. We all have SOMEthing good going.....even if it's nowhere near what we want. The self-damage comes in when we are so obsessed on what we're NOT getting that we can't make use of what we do get.

I had chosen rage and judgment as my main way of looking at the real world. Instead, I could have said "well, shit, alot of this is not the way I want it to be....BUT I can use what I do have and build something."

I didn't WANT to build anything. I wanted everything to be the way I wanted, or I didn't want reality at all. Angry spite. A revenge fantasy of sorts...

Know what? Reality didn't give a damn. And I was the loser.

Peace,
Janine
 

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I really understand what you mean Janine, I have spent a huge amount of time longing for what I dint have and denying what I do have, the support etc. I totaly relate.

It's a kind of "secret narcissism" - a constant inner commentary of judgment against the rest of the world and anything it might have to offer

sums it up there, but in guarding yourself you also deny yourself of many normal human needs?
 
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
No, not really. (but I like the tough edge there, lol)

In fact, I now respect reality, instead of hating it. Sad truth is that Reality is bigger than me, and the only reason to stop fighting it is that it will keep on winning, I would have kept on losing, and It didn't "care" while I just got more miserable.

I'm not saying that accepting reality and working WITH it is going to cure dp. But there are many other aspects of ourselves that need to be dealt with in addition to conquering our terrible symptoms.

Alot of the misery I put myself through all my life was caused by my constant "I DON'T WANT THINGS TO BE THIS WAY" approach to reality. That old saying is so good and so true "grant me the strength to change the things I can, and the courage to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference..."

J
 
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