It seems there is nothing inside me, just empty space. This week especially. I used to think this was boredom, but it is more than that. I feel there is a lag, like my friend Jay said: 'My life is on hold'. The purposes in all aspects of my current life have been achieved and there is nothing more to do. I need a new purpose.
Perhaps I should just quit my job and leave the country, go find somewhere new, go on a great adventure. But I fear I will always return to this void. For this is how my whole life has been up to now...fleeing the void. And now I sit here with it, waiting, hoping that somehow it will go away.
My boyfriend is coming over later. I should be excited to see him, but I feel nothing. I always lose the feelings after a while but I can't believe just how quickly I have lost them this time.