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Hello from Germany.

I´ve been living with a severe Depersonalization/Derealization for 17 years which totally destroyed my life from every point of view.

Now it got even worse and i doubt a DP can be more severe. I can´t function at all. I can´t leave my appartment, i can´t work, i can´t socialize,i can´t concentrate,i´m extremely confused,i get more and more cognitive deficits, i can´t go anywhere. I don´t even recognize my mother as my mother...i could cry all day...

I´ve been a smart, active guy with a lot of friends around me and a life. Now i feel and act like an autistic retard. Like i already have dementia.

I can´t stand this and i wanna kill myself but i´m afraid of dying. I can´t live...i can´t die...i dunno what to do...

At least there is real effective treatment for severe mental disorders like schizophrenia for instance but i feel like a very severe DP is even worse than schizophrenia. The scariest,most terrifying,disturbing, hellish mental condition you can imagine...it must come straight from hell...

Should i just go to a hospital or are there any tipps to reduce the severity level of this condition? Meditation maybe?

I´m so frustrated....help me...
 

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I would try Dr. Michal in Mainz. He specializes in DP and also offers hospital treatment. I can recommend his book. Gives you a very good insight into the various aspects of DP. Greetings from Germany
 

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Hello!

Welcome to the forum!! I don't know if yours is anxiety related or a withdrawal of a drug, but a lot of people say it doesn't really matter how we got it really, I guess science will tell in some time!!

In the mean time, you should check the recovery section to see how others cope with their DP, think you will find a lot of effective strategies there!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks for all your answeres. I really appreciate it. I´ll check everything out here.

Yes...17 years indeed...Many people are surprised how i´m still alive and didn´t commit suicide yet.

I have no clue...

if this hell is gonna last for the rest of my life i have a real problem tho...
 

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I've been to Mainz.Bad Kreuznach, Baumholder,Heidleberg, Berchtesgaden, Idar Oberstein and Trier. I travelled Europe with DP/DR as part of my "faking it until making it tour".

The tour lasted from 1971 to 2013, when I had ECT. I wish I had done it when I was 17, because I faked most of my life.
 

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I would try Dr. Michal in Mainz. He specializes in DP and also offers hospital treatment. I can recommend his book. Gives you a very good insight into the various aspects of DP. Greetings from Germany
i googled this Doctor and it gave me hope! he claims DP is treatable even if you had it for 20 years. he also says you don't have to find at therapist who is specialized in DP/DR. You just have to find one willing to do some research.

i wish there was a doctor specialized in DP/DR in Sweden though

@InV - Hang in there! you should definitely contact Dr. Michal!
 

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Many people are surprised how i´m still alive and didn´t commit suicide yet.

I have no clue...
This is so relateable for me. Only for myself tho, no one knows what i've been through. I've been a silent sufferer my whole life, and i find myself asking: What kind of a coward idiot wouldn't kill themselves by now?? I'm 26 btw, had it my whole life, and for the last year i'm doing therapy, simple meds and told my parents. That's about it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
This is so relateable for me. Only for myself tho, no one knows what i've been through. I've been a silent sufferer my whole life, and i find myself asking: What kind of a coward idiot wouldn't kill themselves by now?? I'm 26 btw, had it my whole life, and for the last year i'm doing therapy, simple meds and told my parents. That's about it.
"no one knows what i've been through" Got you.And even if my entire environment knows what i have they still completely undererstimate it. For them i just act shy, confused, with a lower concentration and what not but that´s it. They don´t want to live with this disgusting condition for 1 single day...They would run to the next wall-crying and screaming.

"What kind of a coward idiot wouldn't kill themselves by now??" I know right?
 

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Hang in there inv...love from India... I don't know if you have tried yoga but I recommend you do: albeit a simple one. I'm kind of having it for around 3years and I can relate to everything you say. Especially the demented part.
 

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They don´t want to live with this disgusting condition for 1 single day...They would run to the next wall-crying and screaming.
People who never dealt with this probably think we exaggerate, but they have no idea what it's like to suffer from full-blown dp/dr.

A few months ago I read a topic on a well known forum in my country where some guy who just recently got weed-induced DR started thinking about suicide after only 3 days. He also mentioned he never believed cannabis could ruin a persons life like this.

3 days...come on! I wonder how he would react if he got both DR and also full-blown DP without even doing anything to cause it.

This is so relateable for me. Only for myself tho, no one knows what i've been through. I've been a silent sufferer my whole life, and i find myself asking: What kind of a coward idiot wouldn't kill themselves by now?? I'm 26 btw, had it my whole life, and for the last year i'm doing therapy, simple meds and told my parents. That's about it.
Creds for dealing with this for so long and telling your parents! Hope things work out for you!
 
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