[Guest]

Hi all,

I'm new here and just wanted to share my experiences with others on here. I'm a 31 year old guy, married to an amzing girl and we have a beautiful 18 month old daughter and i also have a great job, nice place etc. all good so far.

Rewind to 3 years ago, my father-in-law (who was the best) died 2 weeks before our wedding and it was a major major setback for us, then when we're starting to get our life back in order we find out we're expecting - excitement through the roof ! then 6 weeks later my beloved mum died suddenly and unexpectantly and i went down badly. All seemed to be going ok when 8 weeks ago i hit the wall for no apparent reason and slipped into a "depressive episode" racing thoughts, feel like i'm going mad, no sleeping, eating no good etc. I've been battling through this all without meds and my GP and counsellor (who are both amazing, compassionate people) have said that the depression is the least of my worries and that anxiety is my main cause of problems.

Now what brings me here is the fact that i'm suffering derealisation and it is one of the most terrifying feelings i've ever encountered, to feel like i'm not even here at times, people i'm talking to aren't real, feeling like my surroundings aren't real - this is something that i'm really struggling to get my head around, but a lot of people have told me this will "disappear" ?? after i learn to control my anxiety and my depression "lifts" ?? It is such a scary feeling and at times i've convinced myself i've had shizophrenia - which my GP says i couldn't be further from and my counsellor said the same (and she worked for the association). I know i don't have this but it doesn't stop me from feeling like this and it's very draining on me and my family, this constant doubting.

Since i've been working with my counsellor i've worked out that i've been like this for pretty much well my whole life and i've thought since i was young that i had heart problems, cancer, HIV (stepped on a needle at the beach) you name it i've thought i had it. Now this apparently is anxiety and is why i'm thinking i have other mental illnesses atm.

I've had some good days over the last 8 weeks, but there's been a lot of bad ones and today was terrible for me where my thoughts are racing again and my outlook is bleak. It's just very very frustrating for me as an outsider looking in would think i have the perfect life but it's a real struggle atm.

I guess i'm just trying to find some answers and anyones thoughts and comments would be appreciated.

Thanks in advance guys and apologies about the length of my post.

Chris

 

[kchendrix]

I think you will find a good home here on this board in learning to cope with things , there are a lot of nice people here who suffer from the same thing, Some are further along then others, some have completely recovered and come back to visit and encourage us.

I think you will find that the majorityof people here agree that the hardest part is to stop obsessing about the symptoms. You will read alot about distracting your self , keeping your self busy, eating right and getting rest. Now that is all quite a big order for someone anxious and depressed. The first thing to do is try to accept what is fact. You are not and will not go crazy, even though you feel like it. If you are going to a therapist they have probably told you that already.

We seem to thrive on being reassured, but my therapist told me to try and stop being reassured about the symptoms, It is almost like the Ritual Part of OCD. Where you are checking , checking and checking. The more you check the more you are reinforcing or feeding the monster.

Get involved, no matter how strange things look, or how unreal you feel, you are real, you are the same person you have always been with just a distorted view on things right now. Distorted thinking. I found that movies, or computer games, or just getting busy with a chore even though I don't feel like doing it. These all help. Some people have found certain meds to help them with anxiety. I use an ocassional valium but can't tolerate the anti depressants. So everyone has similiar yet different experiences here to share with you... Try to go about your work and life, don't quit it makes it worse.

Hope you find some answers here..

KC

 

[Guest]

Thanks KC

I do know what you mean by the reassurance thing as i feel like i constantly need to be told that "all" i have is anxiety/depression, even my GP said the same thing to me on Thursday and said that's plenty to deal with in itself. I think i will find some comfort in a page like this and hopefully i will get myself somewhere back to normal again - i still have trouble realising this will take time though as i'm not the worlds most patient person !!

The DR symptoms are very very scary to me and i've gotten myself into an anxious state so many times just by questioning my existence and the world going along around me. I feel that when i get down the symptoms are so much worse and yesterday i felt like i was going backwards again and the racing thoughts contributed to chronic DR and this freaked me out even more. I just wish i could work out why all this is happening and why now ?? it's terribly frustrating.

 

[Guest]

[b Hola,
Welcome to the wonderful world of DP/DR. I am glad that you found this site. I hope you will find that there are quite a few nice people who are here for the same reason you are, and are quite willing to share their experiences and thoughts with you (myself included). Sure DP is a weird and many times painful thing to try to explain to others, let alone just trying to live with day to day. However, always know you are not alone. Again welcome.

I wish you well,

Tony [/b]

 

[Guest]

Thanks Tony,

Yeah it's some relief knowing there are many others out there like me, but sometimes it's just so scary for me especially with an 18 month old daughter. When i look at her and wonder if i'm here really looking at her ?
I feel sad for her that her dad's not the guy he used to be ! I also suffer from anxiety (like most on here) and depression so it's a bit of a battle but all you can do is soldier on i suppose.

Chris