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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey guys,

I haven't posted here in a while because I thought I was better, but unfortunately, I believe I've relapsed.

These past couple of months have been utter hell. Anywhere from too much focus on my existence to feeling like I don't exist at all. I'm truly exhausted. I just want to end it all (which I've tried, but chicken out at the end because I'm scared of the end and because I have this fear that it'll just continue even after death. Sigh).

Here's what I've been dealing with:
-too much focus on existential thoughts
-too much focus on my existence
-feeling foggy/hazy the entire day
-feeling dissociative when I drive
-feeling paranoid that things aren't real, but still having a need to be part of it all
-feeling distant from the things around me
The list goes on and on.

I started seeing a school psychiatrist. She prescribed me OCD medicine (I'm currently on Sertraline) because she said I obsess over certain situations and feelings from my original panic attack (being the one I had last year while doing weed). But I don't feel that way. I certainly get similar-feeling emotions and feelings, but I don't "obsess" over the feelings. I'm seeing her again on Tuesday, so I'll definitely explain to her the disassociation that I've been feeling these past couple of days.

Also, do you guys feel like the perception of time is "weird"? I just can't comprehend it anymore. I suppose I am latching on to my original attack because that's exactly how it felt during that attack. I couldn't comprehend time then. I couldn't comprehend how I got to my house. I couldn't comprehend that it was just the weed. I couldn't comprehend the psychology of it all--I truly thought I was a mental patient who had finally revealed his true colors: insanity.

I guess I'm posting here because I just don't know what to do anymore. I may get some comments on being too weak, but I honestly could care less right now. I tried everything to try to fix what I'm going through. I tried not caring. I tried "giving" in, but nothing is helping. Sigh. I suppose this is more of a pity post. Thanks for reading!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Hi, I don't think you need to worry about being seen as weak, I certainly don't think that of you and I don't even know you. I can relate to basically all of your symptoms. Can I ask how long have you been on sertraline for? because when you start an anti-depressant it can make your symptoms of anxiety worse until your body gets used to it.
I just started it on Monday (25 mg for now, 50 starting on Saturday).

I hate whatever this is. I suppose I can't move on, unless I accept everything without a shadow of doubt. I can't doubt anything in this reality. I just have to move on.
 

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Don't ever think your weak. To live with this terrible affliction of dp and dr there is no way you could be weak. Your really really tired of living this way as we all are. my perception of time was weird, for me every day felt like I was living the same day over and over again among other things but I think thats because our minds are so messed up, every single thing seems werid and off.

I'm still on my road to recovery. The dr is gone, and the dp is slowly fading away. I wish it would fad away faster, but it is what it is. What i'm doing to help me which is very very hard, is i'm just accepting it. I don't fight it anymore, when I did that I notice things starting to look real. like my room, tv, apt, etc. when I just joined this forum, while I was typing my story, I didn't even feel like I was typing because I was totally dpdr. but as I type this I acutally feel like I am typing and it feels normal. so I know that you can get better. It does not happen over night though, when i first decided to accpet it I still felt the same weirdness for a while but my anxiety about my dp/dr went from 10 to 2. just remember dp/dr is a symptom of something, so try to get that something under control. keep your head up and I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
 

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"being too weak"?? I think people like us are far stronger than anyone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Don't ever think your weak. To live with this terrible affliction of dp and dr there is no way you could be weak. Your really really tired of living this way as we all are. my perception of time was weird, for me every day felt like I was living the same day over and over again among other things but I think thats because our minds are so messed up, every single thing seems werid and off.

I'm still on my road to recovery. The dr is gone, and the dp is slowly fading away. I wish it would fad away faster, but it is what it is. What i'm doing to help me which is very very hard, is i'm just accepting it. I don't fight it anymore, when I did that I notice things starting to look real. like my room, tv, apt, etc. when I just joined this forum, while I was typing my story, I didn't even feel like I was typing because I was totally dpdr. but as I type this I acutally feel like I am typing and it feels normal. so I know that you can get better. It does not happen over night though, when i first decided to accpet it I still felt the same weirdness for a while but my anxiety about my dp/dr went from 10 to 2. just remember dp/dr is a symptom of something, so try to get that something under control. keep your head up and I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
I want to accept it, but I think something is holding me back, and I don't know what it is. Maybe it's my inquisitive nature, but there's something that just won't allow me to accept that this is truly in my head (like I did the night I went through my first attack). Maybe it's a compounding effect of subsequent 'attacks' that have skewed my perspective of reality to the point where human emotions become questionable--or maybe it's something else. I just don't know anymore.

You're the second person to tell me that tomorrow will be a better day lol. Thanks. I will try to believe that this is all in my head. Maybe a bit of meditating and mantra reciting might help lol.
 
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