[ThoughtOnFire]

Feel free to let it loose here. It's very healing to just release it. Swear, yell, show us your anger, your sadness, your troubles. Let that inner darkness deep within go and let it flow! Doesn't have to be DP/DR related...free your demons but in an exorcism kind of way, not encouraging to make it worse! I trust you get the idea

 

[Pondererer]

I wanna stick a big knife through my skull

 

[Chip1021]

I just want to sleep forever, but sleep, simple as the idea may be, does not come easily. Otherwise I wouldn't mind having a monk-like existence in a monastery or something, just reading philosophy or whatever interests me all day, with only simple expectations and get away from the gossipy, WASPy, judgmental and superficial nonsense that currently envelops my present existence.

 

[REB]

I want to stick a big knife through other people's skull.

 

[Chip1021]

Interested in why you chose to post a venting rage / anger thread in "the Bright Side" section?

 

[ThoughtOnFire]

Interested in why you chose to post a venting rage / anger thread in "the Bright Side" section?

Don't therapists and psychologists explore such subjects and bring them into the light of conscious, the darker contents of one's mind? It's a form of healing to let things out. Suppressing things end up eating you inside. Lux E Tenebris, a Latin saying meaning Light Out of Darkness. If you attempt to transcend into Heaven without addressing the lower Hell, then you'll fall.

 

[Chip1021]

Don't therapists and psychologists explore such subjects and bring them into the light of conscious, the darker contents of one's mind? It's a form of healing to let things out. Suppressing things end up eating you inside. Lux E Tenebris, a Latin saying meaning Light Out of Darkness. If you attempt to transcend into Heaven without addressing the lower Hell, then you'll fall.

True enough. Still feels out of place to me, but I don't know which sub forum would be better either.

Good idea for a thread, at any rate. Especially since there's really nowhere to just be able to vent without having to hear advice and criticism.

 

[Pondererer]

I just want to sleep forever, but sleep, simple as the idea may be, does not come easily. Otherwise I wouldn't mind having a monk-like existence in a monastery or something, just reading philosophy or whatever interests me all day, with only simple expectations and get away from the gossipy, WASPy, judgmental and superficial nonsense that currently envelops my present existence.

This is my life already lol

 

[luluinthefog]

Sometimes I think I would rather have a terminal illness than dpdr. At least then I could enjoy the rest of my life

 

[Chip1021]

Sometimes I think I would rather have a terminal illness than dpdr. At least then I could enjoy the rest of my life

I feel like DP/DR is a terminal illness. Just a very very slowly progressing, excruciatingly painful one.

 

[herecomesthesun]

I've been getting into these deep and intense nostalgic trances as of lately. I'll focus my mind on memories of first love, the sense of exploration and happiness I had as a child. It'll feel very dreamy and fairy tale-esque, almost bittersweet in that it'll give me really warm feelings within my stomach but also sadness in that those days are gone and I'll never experience them again or be able to go back and make it better. It make me intensely miss people who are no longer in my life such as family that has passed away and old friends who I no longer talk to. Also feelings of normalcy that I long for when I wasn't going through DP/DR, severe depression and overwhelming anxiety. I just find myself sitting and replaying montages of happy moments when I was younger on loop within my head now. I need to focus on the present instead of the past but it's become so hard since I rarely know what it feels like to be happy anymore so I have to look back for it.

 

[Chip1021]

I've been getting into these deep and intense nostalgic trances as of lately. I'll focus my mind on memories of first love, the sense of exploration and happiness I had as a child. It'll feel very dreamy and fairy tale-esque, almost bittersweet in that it'll give me really warm feelings within my stomach but also sadness in that those days are gone and I'll never experience them again or be able to go back and make it better. It make me intensely miss people who are no longer in my life such as family that has passed away and old friends who I no longer talk to. Also feelings of normalcy that I long for when I wasn't going through DP/DR, severe depression and overwhelming anxiety. I just find myself sitting and replaying montages of happy moments when I was younger on loop within my head now. I need to focus on the present instead of the past but it's become so hard since I rarely know what it feels like to be happy anymore so I have to look back for it.

I do this too, though I've given up on the present moment. The present is at best dull and unrewarding and at worse absolutely terrifying. I've allowed myself to reminisce about better experiences and fantasizing about some magic cure or time-traveling device than just constantly be in agonizing misery.

 

[Amethysteyes]

Gonna be honest, id be suicidal if i wasnt so afraid of death. I feel like even though ive mostly recovered, that ive been somewhere that the human consciousness is not suppose to go, to a place unfathomable. It scares the shit outta me. I still think alittle differently and feel i wont be the same or something. Im also extremely depressed now. If im not anxious and mildly dpdred, im extremely low and bored. Cant find fulfillment or meaning in anything after all those existential thoughts. Im angry and sad and always say things like "fuck my life", suicidal sayings, etc...fuck this condition. Worst thing a human or any living thing could experiance i think. Not even sure if i should do anything anymore. I do the most minimal of things JUST to stay alive. Im hardly living. Even if i go out with friends, i cant find a reason to even continue doing it other than i feel i should keep doing it to somehow feel better or just to keep the people around me happy i guess. My souls been rocked at its core for such a long time and doesnt know how to come back i guess. Still feel like life itself no longer makes sense. Nothing feels concrete anymore. Hopefully therapy will help, idk.

 

[herecomesthesun]

i feel like the weight of reality is crushing me every second of the day, like it's mentally painful to exist and i dont know what to do. i want this feeling to pass so bad but it doesn't and it feels like utter torture. i really dont know how much longer i can last, its nonstop. i dont want to die but if it's the only thing that will put me out of my misery i might have to sooner or later unfortunately

 

[dissoziation]

My depression and anxiety has hit me pretty hard. I feel like everything's going wrong; I had a panic attack for the first time in months/years a few weeks ago and I cry at every minor inconvenience. My eyes still hurt from a crying spell I had 6-7 hours ago. I want to hurt myself but I can't because people don't want me to so I'm just stuck.

 

[star_cheese]

fucking goddamn mother fucker decided that after a night of drinking and civil conversation was going to sexually assault me out of nowhere. Sitting down next to him, with my friend and his, there was a lull in the conversation so this asshole decided to he was going to just take what he wanted. Fuck you fuck you you right the fuck off go play in traffic and feel the jolting horrible brutal feeling of what you did you goddamn waste of human flesh. I hate you, who the fuck do you think you are.

And what the fuck did I do? I wish I would have hurt you so bad, but no all I could use was my fucking words, which count for shit. God damnit. Do you have any fuckingidea, no you dont. Thanks. Just what I needed. Fuck it, it almost fall, everything is about to die, I'm going to holed inside and you you fucker, you put your hands on me. I just hate this so much.

 

[cassk333]

Okay,

So here it goes. This is my first post on this self help website. I actually just came across it a few weeks ago. And i think this is the most approbations first post.

I AM SITTING HERE SO IRRITAED AT LIFE AND WHY THE F THIS HAPPENED. AND HOW IN THE WORLD THIS CAN BE AN ACTUAL THING. LIKE MANY OF YOU ALL IM SURE, I WAS SUPER HIGH FUNCTIONING LOVING LIFE AND THEN WAM I GET HIT WITH DEPRESSION AND ANXIETY OHT OF NO WHERE, and that's all fine and dandy something I can deal with but then I go and get treatment from a ketamine clinic for severe depression and anxiety - which is known to have a 70% success rate and the night after I did it. I wake up having a severe anxiety attack. I remember looking in the mirror like 12 times because I literally felt like a floating body. I HAVENT HAD ONE MOMENT OF RELIEF SINCE THEN! I HAVENT LEFT THE HOUSE MUCH, IM JUST ANGRY AT EVERYONE BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE NOONE IS LISTENING OR TRULY UNDERSTANDS WHATS GOING ON. I HATE THIS. I JUST WANT MY LIFE BACK. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START.

Phew okay.

 

[anotherme]

I try so hard everyday and it's still here. My life is a mess. I am a mess. I can barely get up in the morning. I wish I could just make it stop. I want my brain to shut up. I want to stop having these feelings. I hate myself for it. I can barely function. Why won't it stop!?I am tired of being strong everyday. I want it to be gone. I never lost that hope that it will stop someday. I want it to be better. How can I go on like this? Sometimes I get so stressed I start to drool. I don't know how to stop it. My eyes are all glazed over. I look in the mirror and see someone who is vacant and it feels awful. I just want to feel human again. I want to look in the mirror and have my eyes engage and see myself. I don't want to be faking it through life anymore. I want to feel normal!!!!!!!!!!! I end up thinking about it all the time because it won't go away! GO AWAY!!!!!! I wish I could just wish it away. I wish I could just feel normal. GO AWAY! I want my life back. I want to smile again. I want my life back! I am so angry but I feel like I can't let it out. I feel like nothing comes out. I feel like just lying in a pile forever.