Venting (caution)

960 Views 6 Replies 3 Participants Last post by shadowness, Jan 21, 2005

Discussion Starter · Jan 20, 2005

Venting time, - you should have a venting section here, I would be the queen.

You can put this on another topic if you want.

Thanks.

I just went from my psychiatrist...... I hate him so much, so much. He is not aware of dp meds, in fact he doesn't care about meds at all. He mants me to take like 40-50 mg of Paxil and he said that Effexor is supposed to work on depression only at 225 mg (not!) He wanted me to take Effexor but I can't stand 37,5 mg how can I stand 225 mg. Is he crazy or what?

He is tired of me and I am tired of him. He doesn't want me to heal or what?

Why just 2 dp units exists on the world and why am I so angry at people like that? Why don't docs understand here and why am I so sad? And I can't see another one, I am fed up!!!!!!!!!!

He wants me to take klono? Then I will take it. Go go go let's take 10 klono and be happy! :shock:

He doesn't want me to take Lamictal (even smallest doses) for now, because he wants me to be stable on Paxil before. :shock:

Sorry I am very sad and angry and fed up and I don't want to see anyone. Nobody can help me. I feel afraid of me, of my life.

That is my reality, not yours. :x

Sorry for this post - I am utterly stressed, it's always like that when I am going to my psychiatrist. I come back clueless, angry, frustrated and I want to kill someone (don't worry I won't!) My frustration is upgrading since 2 years.... always the same fucking patttern..... feeling afraid, having to choose a fucking med, going to the psychiatrist each week and seing his boring face who doesn't have a cue about meds I talk about, feeling of being such a looser in front of everybody even you because I can't stand meds, feeling of sadness then despair because I HATE my life like that, no motivation at all, always doing crisis, always coming back home and feeling blue and afraid of what???? Of my life, my boyfriend, etc. Then seing my boyfriend upset at me, yelling at each other because I am so angry at everything and feel so dp/dr that I don't talk, crying after, then taking klono and feeling bored and wanting to sleep. Repeat.

What a stupid me. What a stupid life. Always trying the same things, same meds, stopping..... wow I am so stupid. And my sadness and despair who are so high I want to cease to exist. And forget all.

I feel that my nervous system is at HIGH every time of the day, except when I sleep. more than HIGH.

And when I stop meds, it's worse (can it be?)

I feel alone in my country with no real help for this.

Thanks, I needed to vent.

Cynthia xxx

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shadowness

· #7 · Jan 21, 2005

my life was more f**ked up when i saw psychiatrists....just throwing me onto whatever meds and not taking the time to even ask me anything before changing them again!

when i told them i was feeling a little paranoid and that sometimes i would look across the room and think i saw something occationally...or things like floaters and stuff...they said i was schizo...just like that...and because my late uncle was schizo they thought that was a perfect diagnosis!!! f**k sake!

when i told them that i was getting allergic...i repeat ALLERGIC reactions to meds they just said that i was over reacting over the mild side effects.....i do not call chronic skin burning, blacking out, difficulty breathing, closed throat, head and chest pains and tightness all mild side effects!!!

best thing i ever did was stop seeing them....i felt i had a little more control on my life....not much...but a little....

you need to see people you are comfortable with....and do not just do what they say....they may be the ones treating you but you are the one who decides what to ultimately do....ok you may not know what to do...but then again who truely does?!?!

i now just see my GP and a new psychologist and i am not on meds....

My frustration is upgrading since 2 years.... always the same f--- patttern..... feeling afraid, having to choose a f--- med, going to the psychiatrist each week and seing his boring face who doesn't have a cue about meds I talk about, feeling of being such a looser in front of everybody even you because I can't stand meds, feeling of sadness then despair because I HATE my life like that, no motivation at all, always doing crisis, always coming back home and feeling blue and afraid of what???? Of my life, my boyfriend, etc. Then seing my boyfriend upset at me, yelling at each other because I am so angry at everything and feel so dp/dr that I don't talk, crying after, then taking klono and feeling bored and wanting to sleep. Repeat.

then bite the bullet....change your life....do something NOW fo a change! start small and progress from there! i know it is scary but if you just keep doing what you are doing you will never get better! i really do not meant to sound harsh so i am sorry if it sounds like it....

for 5 months i did the same thing....it got to the stage when i did not know the day or date as everyday just felt like a repeat of the other...i was SO depressed, tired, bored, frustrated, upset...just a mixture of negative emotions, thoughts and feelings....and i knew i had to do something to really change my life! so i thought that the next day i could totally change my life!

next day came...

i did f**k all....did the same thing....stuck in the same routine....

there is no way you can change your life all of a sudden...you need to do something new/different each day and it will all add up....i know doing this kind of thing can seem piontless, scary and just as a distraction....but is CAN help...and there is no way you are going to know unless you just have a go and stick with it....

again i know it is scary...but things are scary anyway and living the way you are...in a pattern which you are unhappy with...is not helping one bit...

i hope this post has helped somewhat....it is 11:06pm and i am so tired that i do not really remember what i have typed haha

take care Cynthia and i wish nothing but the best for you...i really do...take care...

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