[falling_free]

This is a thread for all you 'delusional' types that Im going to start with the aim of getting anybody (if they are willling) to share some of their delusions , however strange talking about some of them might lesson there effect you know, so it's not like a delusion builds up and up and up in your mind till it becomes something so big and important that the delusion takes over, so instead of keeping delusions to your self, post a few up that you feel comfatable with sharing so you can ease the pressure or the imprtance generated in your mind by little rogue ideas or thoughts that may be increasing a delusional state.

I'll start with one of mine (that I can remember)

This is one of my randomest must ridiculous delusions I ever had when I was at my most delusional point from the MASSIVE cannbis intake and mental stress so thats my exscuse for the randomness of it but basically I had a delusion that involved bob marley, bob marley bargain records and me going into a trance or sleep mode

What this particular biazarre delusion was that I thought that if I played the new bob marley records I had baught to myself and concentrated my mind enough I could somehow contact bob marley or visit him when in a trance like sleepy state ( I told you this was random delusion) so that I somehow our sprits were in contact or we were on the same wavelength, which I was imagining at the time was the rainbow frequency (or some madness or other) , so I thought my life had some effect on the music he made and the person he was.

now that sounds mental, I don't think any one can top the mentalness of that particular delusion ( i was borderline pyschotic at the time though)

 

[Chris]

I started having delusions about 2 months ago now, after 4 years of having DP, depression, anxiety and ocd. All of a sudden, it appeared as thought people on tv that were looking into the camera (newscasters etc.) were looking directly at me. No matter how hard I tried to shake that thought off, everytime they looked at the camera, I couldn't help but think they were looking at ME. So I completely freaked out and started having all the classic delusional thoughts that schizos have. the drain in the sink, I kept thinkin, is that a portal? the outlets in the walls, portals.... I was scared shitless. Thought for sure I was schizo. and now, 2 months later, my dp has entered it's chronic state. because of that. I Still dont understand why I started thinking that. It's gone away now. but it left me with chronic DP. My dp had never changed in the 4 years I had it, until these delusional thoughts appeared.

 

[lone wolf]

somehow our sprits were in contact or we were on the same wavelength

Oh, falling_free - this sounds pretty familiar to me.

During my PTSD psychosis some years ago I felt I had a mental contact with a guy from the future (more than 3000 years in between us). I had long mental conversations with him sometimes, but there were also times when I couldn't interpret what he was trying to tell me telepathically. I could tell you a lot about his society and the war-like state there, but I won't, just for the consideration I have toward the friend of mine from the future/imagination.

Indeed I still don't want to decide whether he was only my imaginary friend or whether he really was from the future. It is because the connection with him meant a great deal for me, as amidst of my misery I felt loved bc of him. Let alone to say that when you have a chance to discuss telepathically with someone and directly feel his feelings for you, you have so close contact with the person that your usual DP'd state of mind will always pale in comparison to that...

 

[falling_free]

I kept thinkin, is that a portal? the outlets in the walls, portals.... I was scared sh*t. Thought for sure I was schizo.

I had a simliar delusion which occured during the start of my delusional thinking, as i watched a prgoram on quantam mechanics, how the universe might work etc etc, and one of the theroies presented to unite elctromagentism and gravity was the string theroy which is a theroy that states that all energy in the uinverse and its smallest level are made of energy strings that intract with each other, and the part that messed by head up was how the presenter demonstrated that if string theroy is true then there could be 11 dimesions wrapped up in these strings or something like that so there would be 9 dimesions that are there but we can't see, i was preety high at the time and the emormity of the theoy being put forth completlly made my perception go weird, it felt like an exspansion of my awareness and then I started obsessivily thinking about these dimensions we couldnt see, and I got very confused.

I could tell you a lot about his society and the war-like state there, but I won't, just for the consideration I have toward the friend of mine from the future/imagination.

I had a lot of experinecs when high where I would catch a glimpse of other relalities or I would suddenly grasp a system or have some supposed insight into the systems of things, very hard to explain but I used to see using my imagination other worlds and alternate dimensions in my head, like my minds eye, third eye whatever they call it was looking in on some future place or some other plane, not all this was probably all in my head (most probably) but I think it is possible that drugs actually open up our minds to alternate or other dimesions since there is a theroy that there is an infinate amount of alternate universes where everything that could happen has happened, perhaps contained in some kind of sphere outiside of time where everything happens all at once, so past present and future occur at the same time.

By the way these are just thoughts im having about how delsuons could and I mean could have some underlying truth to them apart from being a product of a damaged mind, because perhaps the mind is applying some universal truth in a subjective way or something.

 

[Guest]

OK I'll share a couple of my delusional experiences that I'm battling with at the mo.....

I'll subconciously pick up on things that are completely unrelated to my actual feelings and they'll try and force at me, taunt me, tease at me....(usual ideas of reference-Thankyou to Janine for helping me understand this) For example, when watching TV the other day(this has been ongoing) it felt at if the characters emotions were aimed at me...then the voices started the usual teasin.. 'haha u fancy so + so...ur gonna have to do this and do that....It persists and it got so bad last night I felt like self harming cos my thoughts were all racy and stuff....

For the last 3 weeks I've been off uni...which is now delusionally 'school' but i know it isnt but I can't seem to walk out that door knowing that it isn't school which is scary I know what I HAVE to do, but I just can't at the mo....I'm tryin to fight this so hard as well....I'm at the stage where need meds to calm it.....

 

[lone wolf]

Hi falling_free - you wrote a very interesting post indeed. I am also interested in the 'alternate' ways of perceiving things, cuz I'm aware the consensus reality leaves so little food for thought for imagination/theories about the possible nature of the universe.

I had a lot of experinecs when high where I would catch a glimpse of other relalities or I would suddenly grasp a system or have some supposed insight into the systems of things, very hard to explain but I used to see using my imagination other worlds and alternate dimensions in my head, like my minds eye, third eye whatever they call it was looking in on some future place or some other plane, not all this was probably all in my head (most probably)

I guess I may understand what you say, though I have never had those glimpses when high (not to say I wouldn't have had my share of psychedelics though) but rather before falling to sleep and before waking up as hypnagogic/hypnopompic hallucinations. In the 'twilight zone' in between the sleep state and awakening I often happen to see images of places and people.

Once I saw my littlebrother beside the computer and my littlesister watching TV upstairs in my ex-home in town Lappeenranta, and I wanted to make a phonecall ask where they are. But I didn't dare to do that, as I was afraid to hear I actually didn't see them but only utter nonsense. When I told my mother about the incident, she insisted that next time I see something like that, I must call immediately to them and see if it is true. She has asked me to do this more than once, as she would be interested in it too. 8)

A couple of days ago I also happened to see a scenery from the university campus at Viikki, but it was different from what it is in reality. I felt somehow I would be seeing into the future (dunno why), but there were many more buildings and pollution, however there were cows on the fields like there are in the (current) reality too - Department of Agriculture and Forestry is located at Viikki, that's why the kettle and the fields. But the cows I saw in my vision had very long horns, which I noticed at once, as they weren't the usual breed of Ayrshire. It felt very weird to see this, and even after awakening I wondered might it really be true that I saw the future campus of Viikki... Maybe, maybe not.

I think it is possible that drugs actually open up our minds to alternate or other dimesions since there is a theroy that there is an infinate amount of alternate universes where everything that could happen has happened, perhaps contained in some kind of sphere outiside of time where everything happens all at once, so past present and future occur at the same time.

I have thought about those things too, especially about the theory of past, present and future happening at the same time - i.e. everything that can happen has already happened in the 'multiverse'. Sometimes when we've been high smoking cannabis with my boyfriend, he has introduced me an interesting theory about human consciousness, which I call a 'hedgehog theory'. In my boyfriend's theory people are like spheres in the space and when they interact with each other, the spheres grow filaments that connect one sphere (human consciousness) with another sphere. So interacting with other people make the spheres look like hedgehogs. Of coz he doesn't mean the spheres in a literal sense, but rather metaphorically. And if everything happens at the same time, it might be possible that my consciousness may really have touched someone else's consciousness in the future, it is not at all impossible to happen.

Of course these are just theories, and believing in anything without any doubt isn't very healthy indeed, but I get entertainment pondering about them. So I keep imagining/pondering, though I'm pretty sure there are people (e.g. my psychiatrist) who might think these thoughts as unhealthy nonsense.

 

[bat]

i often think of eternity, in that as space must go on forever other universes like ours must exist over and over ...ones more similar to ours and of the same dimensions must exist over too in various degrees of evolution. some where evolution has taken slightly different turns. parallel universes where we're at the same stage with all our chance states as well. all the people i know doing what they're doing, over and over. to my logic it has to be like that because of eternity.i mean if space was finite, regardless of its dimensions this would almost certainly not be the case.

 

[Guest]

Hi

My delusion ( a little one) : is that if I work, and I am alone, stress and dp/dr will go up and up and up and I will feel more and more confused and my vision will go 2d and I will be so confused I will loose my mind.

This is my crazy thought.

Another one : I need glasses to go to work, because people won't see my dp/dr hahahah

C xxx

 

[Axel19]

Ok this one's pretty f*cked up so bare with me.
I was thinking about reality and how consistent it is. How things follow an ordered pattern, one thing follows another and so on. How things aren't totally random and chaotic,
Then I realized that my perception of what was ordered and consistent, is all based on my memory. So I thought maybe at each and every moment I am in fact inventing new memories, to make what I am percieving at that moment seem ordered and consistent with the past. When in fact everything is totally disordered and chaotic, and there are no laws and no consistency within my experience. I am just deluding myself with false self invented memories.
Craaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzy huh?

Now beat that.

 

[Guest]

How do u guys deal with the delusions???? I know we have insight but I'm findin' it hard at the mo to kinda focus/concentrate on the things i need to

 

[sleepingbeauty]

a few of you sound like mere obsessing.. but i see alot of schitz in there.

my worst recent one was a fear of japanese people.. especially their hair. :?

the grudge is one f#cked up film i tell you. :shock:

 

[Guest]

Delusions are certainly a problem, but they are NOT hallmarks of schizophrenia, guys....that is a very common misunderstanding.

One of my "favorite" ones was this: For years, on and off, I was convinced that I was coming to understand Something (not sure what it was, just that I was terrified of it, and that seeing it was inevitable)

At one point, a friend of mine convinced me to go to the EST Training (that's a whole other story, lol....good God, not a good idea at the time). But it's fine, the EST training was just a self-actualizing experience, etc...nothing creepy.

But...to me at the time, I thought I was there to learn the missing piece...as if I was being guided somehow to this place, this experience...and it felt like this was the Final Piece of Revealing..and it would drive me insane.

I felt like i'd KNOWN this was coming, ever since I was a teenager...and that I'd met this friend as a component in this experience....I wrote in a diary before going off to the EST weekend, terrified, but felt like I HAD to go....and wrote that I knew I would never be back...that "I" would never be back....convinced I'd turn into the other me I was forced to face and hadn't the mental strength to survive...

did i ever tell this? Guess not! LOL...I can laugh about it now, but I was abjectly utterly petrified that I was entering some kind of Mental Inner Sanctum where all my previous dp fears would be finally culminating in some horror my mind would not survive.

It's not schizophrenic.

Trust me,
J

 

[terri*]

Confused thinking... :?

i'm curious, who has dp or dr or dp/dr among the people posting above? i have only dr.

terri*

 

[Guest]

I had the delusion today that I was feeling fine and that my dp was almost entirely gone. 8)

 

[falling_free]

I have dp because I have the feelings of detachment and unreality, and to a lesser extenet dr feelings of being spaced out, not feeling fully in my enviorment, in a dream state and occasional floaters, and sometimes seeing small electric pulses.

I have not been diagnosed though, as I haven't been diagnosed with anything yet, but I found out about dp/dr through the internet and seemed to match lot of the symtons.

 

[lone wolf]

I am not so clear about the difference between DR and DP in my case, but it is probable that I experience derealization more, as when I first started feeling like this, I interpreted the experience like I was in a dream state or like I was inside invisible icy walls that isolated myself from my surroundings. But during those two fleeting real moments, which I have experienced in my DR'd life, I felt both myself and the environment much more alive. Thus I guess I feel also DP, but to a considerably lesser extent than DR.

Oh, BTW, about the 'hedgehog theory' - it makes much more sense when being stoned. I wasn't too serious while I wrote about it, as I realize it sounds quite moronic if trying to grasp it without any doping substances.

 

[Guest]

OK

I think I can top everyone here when it comes to extreme paranoid delusions.

Lately, I've come to believe that everything is just a figment of my imagination. It is really, really freaky, and scares the crap out of me, but I still believe it.

Also, an even more creepy delusion I've been suffering from comes from a "what if" thought I had a couple weeks ago. I thought "what if" I'm (god) and I don't even know it and somehow control everything that goes on around me, unaware that I actually do. This is perhaps the whackest delusion anyone could ever have, and is freaky as hell, but again, I let it consume me to the point where I begin to believe it.

So, don't feel bad if you have delusions, b/c I'm pretty sure mine are worse : )

 

[terri*]

Hi Gstile,

Thanks for bringing such honesty to the table. I hope that in your continual work to focas more on reality, you find some peace at the end of the day.

Best to you,
terri*