I truly believe I have forgotten what it means to be alive. I've been thinking non-stop obsessively for 3 months about my condition, that whenever I have a moment of silence and and stillness, I feel as if I'm doing myself a disservice. I've dissociated to the point of no return. my eyes look around but my mind cannot take in what I see. I feel as if I'm a spiritual being hovering above myself just waiting for the moment to be free. I think about suicide constantly but can never muster the strength to do it. I have no will to live anymore, the very act of breathing makes me nauseous. Hopefully when I go to a psychiatrist tomorrow I can start a road to recovery, but even that thought seems hopeless and illusionary.