[shadowness]

my dp is now very bad...god knows how i get through the day but i do...no doubt everyone can realte to that!

i tried hypnotherapy yesturday and it was kind of a disaster...i freaked out too much and the guy said to me that as i cannot accept how i am, it is like treating something that is not there....like becuase you know and accept the glass is on the table, you can move the glass, but as i cannot know and accept that this i just a problem, it cannot be moved/changed.

anyways....

i was talking to the therapist when he noticed the lump on my arm (random lump of doom that no one knows what it is)...

he said that how long have i had it...and i have had i for about 8 months...which just so happens to be the same amount of time i have had dp/dr...

he said that the toxins of the tablets i have taken might still be in the blood stream due to the lump (as he had something similar which gave him odd head sensations and odd vision)...

whether or not it can actually help the dp/dr i do not know but it is a nice thought!

SO...

i have an operation on 15th December to get rid of whatever it is and will see if it helps...everyone keeps saying to me that i should feel tons better once it is gone...

well that is what i am striving to next anyways...

after that...if the dp/dr does not lift then looks like in the new year i have a lot of resolutions to make!

 

[Guest]

my dp is now very bad...god knows how i get through the day but i do...no doubt everyone can realte to that!

i tried hypnotherapy yesturday and it was kind of a disaster...i freaked out too much and the guy said to me that as i cannot accept how i am, it is like treating something that is not there....like becuase you know and accept the glass is on the table, you can move the glass, but as i cannot know and accept that this i just a problem, it cannot be moved/changed.

anyways....

i was talking to the therapist when he noticed the lump on my arm (random lump of doom that no one knows what it is)...

he said that how long have i had it...and i have had i for about 8 months...which just so happens to be the same amount of time i have had dp/dr...

he said that the toxins of the tablets i have taken might still be in the blood stream due to the lump (as he had something similar which gave him odd head sensations and odd vision)...

whether or not it can actually help the dp/dr i do not know but it is a nice thought!

SO...

i have an operation on 15th December to get rid of whatever it is and will see if it helps...everyone keeps saying to me that i should feel tons better once it is gone...

well that is what i am striving to next anyways...

after that...if the dp/dr does not lift then looks like in the new year i have a lot of resolutions to make!

Can I nitpick?

he said that the toxins of the tablets i have taken might still be in the blood stream due to the lump (as he had something similar which gave him odd head sensations and odd vision)...

He shouldn't be telling you about His illness.

i tried hypnotherapy yesturday and it was kind of a disaster...i freaked out too much and the guy said to me that as i cannot accept how i am, it is like treating something that is not there....like becuase you know and accept the glass is on the table, you can move the glass, but as i cannot know and accept that this i just a problem, it cannot be moved/changed.

You went there to GET IT FIXED, dont confuse yourself shadow, your belief system has CHANGED since the day before you saw Him. You were going BECAUSE IT WAS FREE, BECAUSE IT WAS RELAXING, AND BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO FIX YOUR DR/DP.

i was talking to the therapist when he noticed the lump on my arm

He's not a medical doctor, He's a hypnotherapist.

whether or not it can actually help the dp/dr i do not know but it is a nice thought!

WHAT your lump on your arm CAUSED dissociation, and the TOXINS in the drugs can alleviate DP/DR... what a brilliant man... are we confused yet???

i have an operation on 15th December to get rid of whatever it is and will see if it helps...everyone keeps saying to me that i should feel tons better once it is gone...

You've lost track of yourself. You went to a HYPNOTHERAPIST, for a hypnosis session, for an extreme ANXIETY disorder, and were excited because it was offered for free.

You sound like a babbling maniac. What happened to the shadow from a few days ago?
The operation for a cancerous looking lump on your arm WONT correlate to removing DP/DR (I dont think...)
Unless it horrified you. In any case, hypnotherapy would have been very useful. What's all that GLASS ON THE TABLE, not being there crap???

I analyse, and analyse...
Thankyou, for giving me another HEAD-SCREWING therapist to analyse... thankyou... I'm paranoid 100% but there's a reason why Psychiatrists are called SHRINKS y'know...

 

[shadowness]

i can see what you are saying and thank you for your reply...let me answer the best i can...

**He shouldn't be telling you about His illness.**

this was not during the session...not during the time of therapy...we had a general chat when i was waiting for my cab to get home....he just noticed the lump on my arm as he had somehing similar and was curious...like everyone else who sees it...

**You went there to GET IT FIXED, dont confuse yourself shadow, your belief system has CHANGED since the day before you saw Him. You were going BECAUSE IT WAS FREE, BECAUSE IT WAS RELAXING, AND BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO FIX YOUR DR/DP.**

yes i went to get help....i went because it might have been the one thing that snaps me out of dp/dr or at least help it somewhat...but the session just did not work out....and i AGREED with him that i actually did not feel ready to get rid of it at that time...as i have said before i am scared NOT to feel like this too and I felt that that was stopping me from just doing it and getting rid of dp/dr...my only belief that has changed is that i need to ACCEPT that i feel this was to help myself...and that is not due to him forcing that opinion on me...i realised it when doing the session...

**He's not a medical doctor, He's a hypnotherapist.**

obviously very true...but he knew the kind of thing it was as he had one himself and he did not force his opinion on me....just told me what he thought as he once had something similar...again this was not during the session it was when we finished so nothing to do with the therapy...

**WHAT your lump on your arm CAUSED dissociation, and the TOXINS in the drugs can alleviate DP/DR... what a brilliant man... are we confused yet???**

this is where you are confused my friend...as i put that statement in the wrong place....the hypnotherapist did no say that having the lump removed would help the dp/dr or that it caused the dissociation....a skin and tissue specialist i went to see about the lump on my arm said it is possible for the lump to be holding toxins that are going around the body causing disturbance...i KNOW it will not cure my dp/dr but with her 30 years of experience about these things she said that i would definately feel better once it has been removed...

**You've lost track of yourself. You went to a HYPNOTHERAPIST, for a hypnosis session, for an extreme ANXIETY disorder, and were excited because it was offered for free.**

yes i did go to see a hypnotherapist and i am still glad i went but the day just did not work out...obviously it is hard to explain exactly what went on but I FELT like i was just not ready some time through the session...whether i thought it would help or not i would have gone as EVERYTHING is worth a try...i am not giving up on hypnotherapy...in know its potential but i obviously wss too uncomfortable to go through with it once there...

**You sound like a babbling maniac. What happened to the shadow from a few days ago?**

what do you mean? and i think it is unfair for you to call me a babbling maniac when all i am saying is that the hypnotherapy session did not go as expected and that now the next step i am going through is to have this lump removed...if i feel better after it then great! i will keep doing things until i feel wonderful! if it does not make any difference then i shall just carry on searching for something that can help me out....

**The operation for a cancerous looking lump on your arm WONT correlate to removing DP/DR (I dont think...)**

but you are not a medical doctor either...and have already askedthe specialist if the removal of the lump might help these feelings...the specialist i saw said that it IS disrupting my system as all types of this lump have done...she said that it might relieve some head pressure and nausia as well as reduce the numbness in the arm it is on and obviously remove the twinges and pain i get where the lump is...
i am not saying the lump is causing dp/dr nor am i saying that when removed it will get rid of my dp/dr...not once have i said that...but what i HAVE said is that i should feel better when it is gone...not FIXED or CURED...just feel better...

 

[Guest]

8) I'm critical of people being opinionated I think... my family members have an "opinionated" allergy I think...

I was slamming things in your story relating to the therapist being "easily opnionated", I can get slammed for saying ANYTHING.

I'm sorry about my rudeness. The undercurrent of my words was that - I hate therapists, as I've stated before, I think they're dangerous. I dont feel safe in their hands. People are reckless and single-minded in my opinion of care workers.

Yes, I am confused. Is confusion a mental illness or something? I've had severe neurological disturbance since stopping Psych drugs... I cant help it. I dont think Psych drugs CURE confusion... I'm in shock too, my Mum put me into shock with Her horror campaign, and if I've had a stroke, then I will be aggressive maybe too. I also started L-Glutamine this week and I've gone high.

I'm trying my best. I dont feel safe right now. I feel vulnerable without family support, and with my neurological problems I'm VERY VERY defensive, my brain is held together by feathers, it topples into mush very easily. It's fried.

I cant defend myself. So I get crazy.

Yeah... I'm not a medical doctor... I used to be smart enough to BE one though... before my Psych record that is.
I have strong bitterness towards Doctors out of the rage that they had ACCESS to all they needed for their degree.
I hate people who can get into and accomplish medical degrees. I hate Doctors out of a spiteful memory of my POTENTIAL. I'm now a joke, though... I hate Doctors because I'm not allowed to be one.

Do you think your Mum's influence contributed to your queasiness about being put under? Will you reconsider Hypnosis again in the future?

 

[shadowness]

Do you think your Mum's influence contributed to your queasiness about being put under? Will you reconsider Hypnosis again in the future?

you do not need to apologise...i can understand your feelings towards therapists and doctors...

i totally trusted them and now i do not trust them at all due to my experiences...

my mum was actually very supportive before i went...genuinely supportive....i think she was just worried as she did not have any involvement in me going up there to the hypnotherapist...

i was the one who was uncomfortable...she did not make me feel that way at all...

i would definately consider hypnosis in the future...

but as i said...i am not ready for it right now...

i need to accept the way i am...i see that now...but it is so hard right now....

 

[Guest]

i need to accept the way i am...i see that now...but it is so hard right now....

What does this mean?

Do I seem like my posts "push your head"? Or like they're annoying or make you SICK?

That's what my Mum's like... Your head goes into a cage. I'm just writing, because I have no perception of self, or how others see me. I'm Autistic & brain damaged and have ego-dystonia... I'm just writing this because I must be pushing peoples hearts to the limit...

I find that people here USUALLY stay calm. That's not allowed in our house. "Love" isn't mentioned either...
My Mum feels sick when people are calm... our whole family goes kinda wild actually...

Being constantly agitated into panic is an exhausting and highly irritating life-style... my brain is over-it...

I'm sorry, shadow... I just got hit by the paranoia that you're being... overly tolerant.

 

[shadowness]

What does this mean?

Do I seem like my posts "push your head"? Or like they're annoying or make you SICK?

I'm sorry, shadow... I just got hit by the paranoia that you're being... overly tolerant.

i need to accept the way i am and who i am as i am nothing but me! if i cannot accept myself and the way i am feeling then how can i move on? if i do not accept the way i am feeling then how can i treat something that i am fighting all the time?

what do you mea by your posts "pushing my head"? your posts do not annoy me or make me feel sick...

and do you mean am i being over tolerent with you or the dp/dr?

sorry just that the way you worded it, it could have meant both

 

[Guest]

What does this mean?

Do I seem like my posts "push your head"? Or like they're annoying or make you SICK?

I'm sorry, shadow... I just got hit by the paranoia that you're being... overly tolerant.

i need to accept the way i am and who i am as i am nothing but me! if i cannot accept myself and the way i am feeling then how can i move on? if i do not accept the way i am feeling then how can i treat something that i am fighting all the time?

I feel panicky. I am mad.
There you go...
Easy. I can tell you that anytime.

I accept that. I see that and feel that, but no-one HELPS me.

People are nasty animals, y'know... nasty nasty...

There's pure hearts on this message board...
I am safe for a little while until evil decends in my life again...
My Mum smashed through every part of my Psyche... She drove me mad...
My head is rammed, and jammed full of a million thoughts and memories. Am I so unworthy and unimportant as to disregard my value TO THIS EXTENT, am I a mind-game to Her? How could She do this to me? Why didn't She leave me alone?
Was I ever supposed to FIND OUT that it was all deliberate???
Was I ever supposed to get a chance to step far away enough to realise the puppet master behind it?

If I'm paranoid... maybe there's some SOLID TRUTH in what I write, is it still paranoia? Am I mad, or WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???
Howcome I have absolutely no identity.
Why have I got such bad fatigue.

and do you mean am i being over tolerent with you or the dp/dr?

sorry just that the way you worded it, it could have meant both

Overly tolerant with Ghost.

 

[Guest]

There's pure hearts on this message board...

Ghost I see yours as well.
I feel so much pain coming from what you write that I got tears in my eyes.
There IS help.
Dont give up.

 

[dreamcatcher]

ghost.....it sounds like your mother gave you a really crap ride......you do sound highly paranoid......but who could blame you for that with your upbringing......everyone on this forum tries to help each other just accept people are trying to help you here and are not trying to be hurtful

 

[Guest]

ghost.....it sounds like your mother gave you a really crap ride......you do sound highly paranoid......but who could blame you for that with your upbringing......everyone on this forum tries to help each other just accept people are trying to help you here and are not trying to be hurtful

Ha! really crap ride...

I'm so paranoid/low self esteem, when I saw the replies were here I dared not read them in case they got scary...

Quote:
There's pure hearts on this message board...

Ghost I see yours as well.
I feel so much pain coming from what you write that I got tears in my eyes.
There IS help.
Dont give up.

I aware that everyone who helps me also has DP/DR themselves and is struggling for the magic potion.

I'm very emotional, because only MY EMOTIONS are switched on. I'm highly volitile and easilt turn into brain mush, because without an internal dialogue people just smash through my psyche all day, making me demented. No barrier, no sense of self. Dissconnected into unworthiness.

You dont know what it FEELS LIKE to have people ramming into an unprotected psyche all day, ramming into my head on the phone, in person and in emails without any counter-pressure of an internal dialogue. Just a blank space where people dig deep into my brain, helping to steer my ship...

I'm dying... I dont call it "loving parenting" to drive your stupid Autistic kid coo-coo...

I wonder if people in CULTS etc, can understand how I feel, to have people be able to ram straight into their psyche without a barrier to access sense of self and manipulate their actions.
I cant THINK

Why didn't my Mum take me to a Doctor to see what was wrong when She smashed through my Psyche barrier... I ruined my reputation when I was 5 onwards I had no hope.

I acted like a subservient frantic lunatic. (When I was 5).
I was an emotional animal.

I had absolutely NO Psyche protection or sense of self left in my command.
Why am I paranoid when no-one can see how distressing it is...?
People can turn my brain to MUSH, they're just ramming straight into a blank Psyche.
Why does GHOSTS awareness just have to be of the room, why cant I control my vocal chords? Why doesn't anyone else have a ball of burning panic on fire in their gut "keeping them alive" since they were 5, why does everyone say that my Mum is really nice?