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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Has anyone experienced cognitive issues from depersonalization, like forgetting how to use words, not remembering the words that you used before the episode, your personality etc (except what you try to copy from your memories...however detailed they were) I had to do a lot of reading to “fill” my mind because my mind felt and was empty. I felt like I was just born a few days ago. I also forgot how I washed my hair so that was fun. I literally woke up or transitioned like a baby in this body. I was reset. And I felt emotions...mostly frustration, that I couldn’t be the same person in the photos on Facebook, in my memories, to other people. ???? With my experience, my friends definitely noticed a difference. It’s really hard to be happy and okay in this reality, or successful, when I’ve felt fake from the get-go. I believe sometimes that my words, my writing, etc, isn’t really mine. I feel like I can’t take ownership of anything successful or positive in my life pre-dp or whatever that episode was. I can just look at those old memories and be proud of my purer, normal self...i don’t know.
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
I hate my atypical dp. I don’t even know if it is dp. It’s like I woke up with my most recent memory in this like baby form and then at some point a flooding of memories poured into me and I was scared of them, like they weren’t mine and I didn’t want them...I was in this trance and everything was unfamiliar. And I was this mechanical person with like no vocabulary...it’s like I was just born a few days before. 10 years later and I still feel like this aberration or anomaly. I wish I knew what this was.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
And it was one episode. I haven’t had one since those few days. One time thing, but I have PTSD from it and was permanently changed.
 

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Hi sorry you're dealing with this must be very difficult. I my self am dealing with cognitive memory issues. I'm running health tests to see if they can find anything it makes my life very difficult basically erasing my memories off from da day before and so on. Difficult to register things in my brain. I know someone mention here the "feeling like a baby" like everything was new kinda of thing. Hope you feel much better soon.
 

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I was tempted to look at your posts, as I couldn't have asked for more details back on my post. Assuming we have the same thing, I have a huge cognitive decline, mostly of the higher order thinking skills. It's like I lost my mind. There is a very clear example I can give you regarding this, let me know if you can relate. I was a student of math, actually a software developer. I used to do a lot of calculations in my head, even complex ones, like problems of calculus, or just simple arithmetic, because writing and solving on a piece of paper wasted a lot of time. The thing to note here is I used to do it in my mind, automatically. But now, my mind simply isn't there. I have to force myself to read and speak out loud (in my mind) so my mind hears it and then responds to a solution. I could think of many ways to solve a problem, now there is only one solution. bye bye creativity. About words. Yes it happened. They are just our emotionless thoughts. And then I often catch myself thinking, "oh what's the word for that" or "shit, I knew a better word for this", which never happened earlier. Earlier, I used to choose between words, now I have to beg. I can't grasp long sentences in a movie or if I try to listen to any lecture in one go. I have to pause, break it down, and then it makes sense. While reading, again I have to speak it out loud (in my mind), which used to be automatic sub-vocalization. I can't really explain this further, but it's different and slower. I don't have thoughts, it's like I'm talking to no one in an empty room, which earlier used to be my will power. Basically every mental activity I have to force it on my mind, what am I an 80 year man? No I'm just 25. It's very disabling, but it hardly shows up in any of their cognitive tests.

I can explain the 'baby' like thing you feel, if I get it right. I've felt somewhat same, but not exactly a baby, but like a kid. I have transitioned from a "man" to a "boy". What a shame. It's like I'm back in preadolescence. My growth has been reversed. I no longer felt like an adult suddenly. And I slowly noticed that feeling of being an adult go away, even from the memories. But it has probably something to do with erosion of self and consciousness. As we grow up, our sense of self strengthens and becomes more concrete. When the self becomes independent, and not talking about financial independence, that's when you truly become an adult. So when you lose the self, your mental models become simplistic like that of a child, just enough to survive. I hope it made sense.
 

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I was tempted to look at your posts, as I couldn't have asked for more details back on my post. Assuming we have the same thing, I have a huge cognitive decline, mostly of the higher order thinking skills. It's like I lost my mind. There is a very clear example I can give you regarding this, let me know if you can relate. I was a student of math, actually a software developer. I used to do a lot of calculations in my head, even complex ones, like problems of calculus, or just simple arithmetic, because writing and solving on a piece of paper wasted a lot of time. The thing to note here is I used to do it in my mind, automatically. But now, my mind simply isn't there. I have to force myself to read and speak out loud (in my mind) so my mind hears it and then responds to a solution. I could think of many ways to solve a problem, now there is only one solution. bye bye creativity. About words. Yes it happened. They are just our emotionless thoughts. And then I often catch myself thinking, "oh what's the word for that" or "shit, I knew a better word for this", which never happened earlier. Earlier, I used to choose between words, now I have to beg. I can't grasp long sentences in a movie or if I try to listen to any lecture in one go. I have to pause, break it down, and then it makes sense. While reading, again I have to speak it out loud (in my mind), which used to be automatic sub-vocalization. I can't really explain this further, but it's different and slower. I don't have thoughts, it's like I'm talking to no one in an empty room, which earlier used to be my will power. Basically every mental activity I have to force it on my mind, what am I an 80 year man? No I'm just 25. It's very disabling, but it hardly shows up in any of their cognitive tests.
I can explain the 'baby' like thing you feel, if I get it right. I've felt somewhat same, but not exactly a baby, but like a kid. I have transitioned from a "man" to a "boy". What a shame. It's like I'm back in preadolescence. My growth has been reversed. I no longer felt like an adult suddenly. And I slowly noticed that feeling of being an adult go away, even from the memories. But it has probably something to do with erosion of self and consciousness. As we grow up, our sense of self strengthens and becomes more concrete. When the self becomes independent, and not talking about financial independence, that's when you truly become an adult. So when you lose the self, your mental models become simplistic like that of a child, just enough to survive. I hope it made sense.
What kinds of cognitive testing have you had done? Also what set off your dp?
 

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I used to feel like this as well back when it was first starting and it lasted quite a while. I still do from time to time when my dp gets pretty bad. It eventually changed and improved again and now im onto other worries. I get it, the whole feeling reset and not recognizing your memories and life as your own. I even had the same thought run through my head that its like ive been reborn, wondering if this is how babys feel at first or something. And the cognitive thing too. I noticed after it went away and came back later briefly it was because i was in high stress and/or anxious or panicky. Alot of the times i cant tell im actually anxious or panicked because im so used to the feeling and also numbed from dp to recognize it and also dont recognize my emotions and feelings alot of the time.

Go to ur doc to see if anythings causing it just to give yourself peace of mind. Then you can focus on knowing when your anxious. For me its like i cant feel my anxiety cause its such a part of me i cant tell when im not feeling it, thus i couldnt tell if anxiety was causing those things or not.
 

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I can explain the 'baby' like thing you feel, if I get it right. I've felt somewhat same, but not exactly a baby, but like a kid. I have transitioned from a "man" to a "boy". What a shame. It's like I'm back in preadolescence. My growth has been reversed. I no longer felt like an adult suddenly. And I slowly noticed that feeling of being an adult go away, even from the memories. But it has probably something to do with erosion of self and consciousness. As we grow up, our sense of self strengthens and becomes more concrete. When the self becomes independent, and not talking about financial independence, that's when you truly become an adult. So when you lose the self, your mental models become simplistic like that of a child, just enough to survive. I hope it made sense.
Hi Astronomy_domine,

That's a wonderful explanation you've made above.

I've started to see a psychiatrist this year and I've been feeling vulnerable about it. It's like regularly asking for help from a stranger. I'm always sorry to hear about the distress of other people. But I think I'm more glad that I'm not alone in this.
 

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All i can say is that you're not alone in this, FranticallyNumb. My cognitive decline has reached an absurd level of severity.

My mom has to do absolutely everything for me. I can't follow the simplest of instructions, i can't keep appointments nor can i make them.

I have zero executive function. Zero.

There are a lot of people on this board and elsewhere with these bizarre and paralyzing symptoms. Symptoms of what though? Idk, man.

Idk what to call it. All i know is that i've been chronically depersonalized/detached/dissociated out of my mind for damn near 15 years at this point.
 

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All i can say is that you're not alone in this, FranticallyNumb. My cognitive decline has reached an absurd level of severity.
My mom has to do absolutely everything for me. I can't follow the simplest of instructions, i can't keep appointments nor can i make them.
I have zero executive function. Zero.

There are a lot of people on this board and elsewhere with these bizarre and paralyzing symptoms. Symptoms of what though? Idk, man.
Idk what to call it. All i know is that i've been chronically depersonalized/detached/dissociated out of my mind for damn near 15 years at this point.
I seem to have a blankish mind but I have songs and lyrics constantly running through or I have imagined conversations in my head in reaction to external stimuli. I wonder why I don't have similar cognitive difficulties.
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
astronomy-someone, I know exactly what you’re talking about. It feels like I’m just surviving every day and not living. I’m entertained by some things but I don’t get enjoyment out of anything. I’m just blankness all the time, and I can’t connect to anyone....can’t have long conversations because there’s nothing inside me that I can input. It’s like I had a train of thought and then I lost it, along with all the knowledge I had from just living. And a new one took over, in the perspective of a baby, someone completely new to my body, speech, grooming, etc.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
I feel like nothing unique comes from inside me, that memories where I learned things are not mine. How could they be when the things I used to say weren’t there? When my word bank only consisted other people and novels said from the moment I woke up, from the moment this happened to me, this switch. I’m so unhappy. I cry all the time. I don’t know how I can live with this.
 

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All i can say is that you're not alone in this, FranticallyNumb. My cognitive decline has reached an absurd level of severity.
My mom has to do absolutely everything for me. I can't follow the simplest of instructions, i can't keep appointments nor can i make them.
I have zero executive function. Zero.

There are a lot of people on this board and elsewhere with these bizarre and paralyzing symptoms. Symptoms of what though? Idk, man.
Idk what to call it. All i know is that i've been chronically depersonalized/detached/dissociated out of my mind for damn near 15 years at this point.
I have also gone in and out of being this impaired. Its crazy.
 

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I got the exact same thing. Lose my personality,sense of time is very bad every minute is the same. Also got the songs playing in my head. Bad memory. Im not the same person anymore. Lost all of my interest.
 

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I am a guy with two degrees but I am having to re-teach myself how to do simple logical tasks like maintaining basic mental arithmetic, how to talk in a coherent manner and loads of other things. I set myself tasks that involve time-keeping and relying on brain power. I went through a stage of taking notes on things I thought were relevant because my memory was so impaired. And when I'm interacting I'm thinking of things I would have used to say to fill in and pad out a discussion. It feels like I'm using fragments of my own personality at the moment rather than living my own personality. Really messed up
 
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