[allison84]

All my other symptoms are pretty much gone to a degree only coming on when I have a bad migraine or severe anxiety and changes in my environment.
Now I'm left with feeling as if I'm acting my feelings towards everything , so people and interests ect
I pull it of rather well I can cry I can laugh and get angry but its non genuine I cant feel that thing inside fully that provokes feelings in one.
I can describe it as if I'm just acting on instinct, you know I get how I should feel so I do it but its false in a way .
This non genuine acting on instinct feeling is with my love for family and friends my interests and my memories , so in a way it feels like nothings really mine fully .
Another issue is my lack of being able to visualize my memories like it's almost blocked , when I do manage to picture a memory I cant hold it for longer then a few seconds and in my memories it doesnt feel as if it's really me in the memory.
I still look in the mirror and feel odd that it's me but I dont feel I'm looking at a stranger it just feels blocked the connection or feeling that it's me.

So I have my sense of self back and interests
Derealization is not chronic like it was
I'm able to now cry
No more out of body experiences/feelings
My body feels my own
I'm not in a dream
So that's gone but now I'm left with this other stuff

Seems like emotional numbness yet I can laugh and cry get angry ect I can get excited about stuff but theres this non genuine thing about me

Pretty much like doesnt feel natural anymore
I'm pretty sure this is still depersonalization maybe derealization but I'm going more depersonalizated

I'm writing this to see if anyone on here has these particular feelings to with out the other more typical feelings of depersonalization or derealization ???
Thanks guys / gals

 

[Phantasm]

Hi,

It sounds like you may have gotten through the worst of DP/DR where all the special effects have settled down and that's really great, but I think it's to be expected that after such an ordeal you would feel a sadness or aftershock. I think quite a few people make a lot of progress and worry about just one more thing. I guess we should do the same as always and try not to fight or obsess too much over any lingering symptoms in the later stages.

That said, when the worst of the symptoms have died down, we might be left with the real-world, bare bones of it all, which so often seems to be on the subject of authenticity and feeling genuine - that maybe we have felt pushed out when it hasn't felt safe to be our natural selves, or that who we are it isn't good enough. This can come from threat, shaming and other bad experiences. This might be the best time to see a councilor if you're not already, where you can look at your issues in a much more concrete way, without the crazy distraction of DP/DR.

Thoughts become habitual, so I find it important to be careful which thoughts I identify with, and I try to recognize and counter them when they are from negative outside influences. No person has the right to make another feel ashamed, or that they have to hide who they are, and those are good sentiments to affirm.

 

[Jix]

I know exactly what your talking about except im oposite in how im recovering. I got the emotions back after feeling very numb and non genuine feelings. Now im still left with everything else that im slowly getting used to. I think if u do stuff that used to give you lots of joy, your emotions might start coming back for real. For me, it was hobbys id lost interest in, hanging out with friends or family and watching funny things. Eventually i was able to laugh and accually feel it.