[Guest]

i'm new here at this forum. i've been searching for information on what has been happening to me recently. i'm a recovering anorexic, and battle depression/anxiety and i'd like to think i'm a very controlled individual with a realistic view of how the world works.

but the other day i had a minor incident in a parking garage on my campus that left me so crazy-hysterical that i went into my car, shut the door, climbed into the backseat and covered my eyes and hyperventalating..... i then sat in my group T's office and uncontrollably cried and shook for at least 45 min straight. you would have thought someone had just tried to kill me i was so scared.

so that already being extremely weird, i went to my regular therapist's office and while we were talking about it, i all of a sudden became very weak and tired and heavy and just needed to lay down to sleep right then. and then i couldnt really feel parts of my body, and didnt think i could control them to move them or anything, like i was paralized. the next thing i knew it was an hour and a half later and i couldnt figure out at first where i was... and i was so scared. and that just moved to utter confusion because the time on the clock said it was a later time than the time i normally meet with her... she told me i had a long conversation with her, and told her stuff like "dont leave me" and to turn the lights out, and that i had to run away, and that i couldnt breathe, and stuff like that. i only too remember somewhat about it, only really after she told me, and then i remembered it as if i were remembering in a dream that i was saying those things -- not that i remembered what i was talking about.

then when i came home, i was totally and utterly exhausted, and my muscles didnt really work right... when i got up to go to bed, my knees felt they werent supporting me, and i couldnt get my hands to move enough so i could type on my computer....

my therapist said it sounded like a dissociative episode or something triggered by the extreme (and out of place) terror of the day before. i've been trying to figure out (i'm actually in school right now getting a degree in social work and psychology) what the hell is happening to me so i've been researching online, which led me to this site.

because you guys have all had experiences, does this sound like what happens to you?? when i usually dissociate (every one does) i feel like i'm always watching myself, or hearing myself talk or thinking about what my reactions should be, etc... but i've been having complete breaks where i cant figure out where i am exactly or what really is truth or a dream... or i'm floating or forget stupid things like "why is there a kitty in here... do i have a kitty??"

can depersonalization be triggered by becoming exhausted and having to spontaneosly sleep? or by a crazy emotional reaction??

i'd appreciate any imputs. otherwise i will have to default to my "crazy" diagnosis or the narcoleptic dianosis from my doctor. and lord knows we dont need a "crazy-narcoleptic" psychologist or social worker running around...

-falling

 

[Guest]

yes, DP/DR is usually caused by overwhelming emotions and thoughts that our minds make us "escape" from

Your not crazy

 

[Guest]

i think that does sound about right.

but now that i've continued reading some of your posts here, i dont think i'm ever really "here in the moment" at all...

i actually remember as a kid figuring out that i could make myself "forget" things i didnt want to think about. and it is so automatic now, i cant seem to get important things done. like i wont open bills. i know it sounds crazy, but i wont unless someone actually sits there and forces me to think about opening bills because i'm always worrying about money. (heh... broke college student...) i have this strage belief on one reality that's in my brain that if i dont know or think about it, it doesnt exist.

it just seems to happen so much lately that i'm not really sure exactly what is and what isnt. i cant remember if something was a dream or if it actually happened. today, i was driving home from my campus (a five min ride) and i kept thinking i was other places and didnt think i was even driving in one instant and believed several contraditory things at the same time about what was around me... and i pulled off th eside of the road and sat there for a little over an hour... and called my psychiatrist because i couldnt figure anything out and i needed someone else's brain to help talk me through getting home.

i am so afraid right now because i'm so not in control of anything. i've always had a scewed sense of self, even to the point of being surprised and *startled* when someone says hi to me-- like i almost dont believe they can see me or something. but not being able to figure out where i am causes more anxiety than i can bear.