Yep Imagine, that is DP/DR - absolutely to a Tee - had it for years, know it inside out, back to front, round and round and round and that is IT ...and get this....believing that it isn't IT is bang on target...DP/DR IT MOST DEFINITELY IS!
Courage, courage, courage, and keep listening to the advice on this board - focus outwards, focus outwards, focus outwards - no matter how much like a vegetable you feel force yourself to do normal things - small practical tasks, make sure you stay connected to people, see friends, talk on the phone - keep grinding through despite your slowness, your deadness, your perplexity, your horror at your state. Don't withdraw, keep fighting
Yes Imagine, I can understand entirely why you say that, this horrible disorder has driven me to the brink many times - multiple hospital admissions and the rest of it. But LISTEN TO ME, you need help, professional help, medical and therapeutic. If you are feeling suicidal take yourself to hospital straight away and get yourself admitted to a place of safety. What you have is not an incurable condition that no-one else experiences - it is something that many other unfortunate beings have been through and it is a TEMPORARY state from which, with strenght, faith, courage and perseverance - there is a way out. I know this to be true, because I have been in it many times (and each time it convinces me it is never going to end and doesn't relate to anything anyone else experiences) and there are ways through it, however much IT takes you apart, reduces you to a Nothing, dismembers your head into a set of parts that do not function.
I am sending you love and thoughts and prayers - take very great care of Yourself (the one that still exists behind the disorder) and do not believe what your disordered head is telling you - fight against it, Imagine, fight, fight against the dying of light (to quote Dylan Thomas)
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