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So I think i've started to realize a major problem, and I guess it could be described as two selves. In my mind, when I'm feeling very badly, I feel like there is my real self, and then the self that is thinking the bad thoughts and is basically doing all the thinking. It's like all of a sudden i sit up and think "what's my real self thinking right now?" I feel like I am outside my thoughts, viewing them, trying to analyze them. It is kind of scary, but at the same time I think its' a step in the right direction. To me this indicates that there is some sort of rift in me that is causing this dp and dr to occur, and that I need to reconcile the two selves together. It's weird, because recently i've felt both great and as shitty as can be (kind of what I mentioned in my last post.) It's like my real self is trying to push through, but i'm still trying to deflect it, with it's real feelings and experiences of everything. The only problem is that as this battle is beign waged in me, it kind of freaks me out. It is like I am trying to think about eveyrthing I'm thinking about. Does this make sense to anyone?
 

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Yes Peaceboy, it makes sense to me. I feel I exist in two separate selves - the one I am in now is empty and disengaged all the time, the other one is connected and thinking and feeling - I can't describe the real me because I am in the empty one. But yes I do relate to the idea of two selves.

Sarah x
 

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I did some 12-step recovery stuff for a while, and I realized that when I wanted to give into my addiction, I felt like "my addict" was the one predominantly in control. Like there was me living inside myself, and then there was this addict that some how found a way in, and the two of us were duking it out for rights to my body.
The addict used to win most of the time there was a battle, but slowly, I started winning a little more. Now I'm too the point where i feel like my addict is no longer in control.
But energy can neither be created or destroyed, so the addict is still there, but I think it has altered forms slightly, and now is in the shape of DP. It can't get me to sabotage myself in the same ways that I did before, so it's taken a different slant.
Why this other entity wants to sabotage me, I don't know. But when I'm aware of it's influence, I do my best to do the opposite of whatever it's going for.
 

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I believe you are on to something. Something my therapist has been trying to explain to me forever. Read the following and more if you like at http://www.selfleadership.org/ifsmodel.shtml

"The Internal Family Systems Model (IFS) has evolved over the past twenty years into a comprehensive approach that includes guidelines for working with individuals, couples and families. The IFS Model represents a new synthesis of two already existing paradigms: systems thinking and the multiplicity of the mind. It brings concepts and methods from the structural, strategic, narrative, and Bowenian schools of family therapy to the world of subpersonalities. This synthesis was the natural outcome that evolved after I, as a young, fervent family therapist, began hearing from my clients about their inner lives. Once I was able to set aside my preconceived notions about therapy and the mind, and began to really listen to what my clients were saying, what I heard repeatedly was descriptions of what they often called "their parts" -- the conflicted subpersonalities that resided within them. This was not a new discovery. Many other theorists have described a similar inner phenomenon, beginning with Freud's id, ego, and superego, and more recently the object relations conceptions of internal objects, but also being at the core of less mainstream approaches like transactional analysis (ego states), psychosynthesis (subpersonalities), and now manifesting in cognitive-behavioral approaches under the term schemata. Prior to IFS, however, little attention has been given to how these inner entities functioned together."
 

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I understand. Maybe the two sides are 1. DP and 2. DR.

Or sometimes I'm 1. Hopeful or 2. Hopeless

You really should try and stay hopeful because we know this doesn't have to stay forever. :wink:
 
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