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Its like no matter what i do, i still feel it all. Feeling detatched, everything unreal/not happening and wondering if im better or if ill get better. Existential thoughts, memories not real or no emotions attached to them, etc... Hanging with friends and stuff helps distract but i still feel like its affecting me. I wish i still had my confidence to just deal with LIVING. Everything in my life now feels different. I think about it differently and im afraid. I look at shows i used to watch like anime and know how much its affected me but i feel like it no longer feels the same. Even meaningless. Everything scares me cause im afraid of what my mind will think and process about whatever it might be. Im afraid of being alive/existing and experiancing everything like??? Wtf?

Im always afraid to close my eyes for sleeping cause it always gets worse when im super tired and confused. Its like im afraid to dream even tho it usually refreshes me? Its a vicious cycle cause my fear will build up and keep me up longer and then it makes everything way worse untill eventually i pass tf out. I wake up the next day usually tired but better and dp still there and it progressivly gets worse as the day goes on, then night comes and so on.
It feels like im so used to feeling this that i dont even know whats wrong anymore? I feel like im freaking out over nothing but then i realize im stuck in this mindset at the same time and get scared.
I always focus on my own perspective like how im staring at everything around me and wonder how its possible everyone else does the same thing and i can never really see myself doing things from another prespective. I also fear how death will affect that.

Basically, i have this all day long with a bunch of existential and death phobias and sometimes in dreams
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