[fingertingle]

It just sort of occured to me, how great it feels when really intense emotions actually occur. Any kind. Some really important memory will float back to me and I'll try to hold on to it really hard, just to feel the emotion - but usually it will go back the same way it came. But I try really hard to feel pain and I try to force myself to think of things I know are painful for me because it does give me a greater sense of clarity. The "great" I'm referring to is hard to describe, because technically, I am torturing myself - but I suppose its easier for people here to understand than anywhere else. It's not exactly "alive" but maybe the closest thing to alive that I've felt in years.

Crying feels the best. Smoking was pretty good, but I can't smoke anymore due to my screwy diabetes.

 

[Guest]

hahah STOP [email protected]$*

Yeah my sister called me the other dy asking how im felling

i've never been so badly depressed GREAAAT! i said

What are you talking about?!?! how can you feel great being depressed whats wrong with you!#?#?!??!

I know exctly what you mean,ita kinda comforting to FEEL anything at all no matter how negative the felling is