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At this point im losing hope. DP has sucked the life out of me. i cant think, i cant feel, and i cant connect. I feel awkward and dissociated from everything at all times. I cant look people in the eyes when i talk to them because of the anxiety. And what really sucks is that exercise and my family and my girlfriend were always my healthy escapes from stress but now i just feel awkward and disconnected from them no matter how much time i spend with them. i spend my days feeling angry and irritated at this point. always wishing i could go back and stop myself from smoking weed that night. i was doing so well mentally at that point. didnt even know what anxiety and dissociation was back then. shit, i barely even got stressed over anything, i loved living and now each day that passes is meaningless. i wanna feel the days of the week again, i wanna feel lazy sundays, i wanna feel that feeling you get after work on friday. i missed that high. i was high on life. i never needed any substance to make me a more interesting person. i rarely even drink alcohol. i was loving the person i was becoming....but i just has to go ruin it and all it took was one fucking bong hit. My tolerance for weed was higher than it had ever been at that point. around that time i was smoking every other week with my brother. before that i would smokemaybe once a year. oh well. been living this nightmare for 5 months. wish i could take it all back. i had such a good life before this.
 

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Only 5months..you have many chanche to recover still
I have struggelt 3years.
And im pretty sure i will never get that back. My brain have changed and what i know its pretty impossible. I knew it moment this hitted. I knew thats it. It is either suicide or this. And i was hopeless. Helpless. I cried i doubted and i tried.. More than i should have been. And every year i have jusg forgetted it. And just living with this. Because thinking that things could be different makes me feel so bad. And i just fall into deeper depression. I dont know will i ever accept this. And what my life will be.maybe im just waiting till i die.
 

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Hi i feel disconnected from everything aswell as if I'm removed from people and just everything really .
Don't gave much to add other then you are not alone and it will not hurt you
 

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Look at you, typing about your experience because you can, because you exist. And I'm here with my own life, on my own phone reading and replying to your post. Maybe a few miles away or a few thousand. You're alive and I'm alive. You aren't alone in this fucked up disorder. I struggle too. But we are here and we are not alone.

Hope that helped :)
 
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