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To those with kids

2781 Views 30 Replies 10 Participants Last post by  RageOfCreation
I have a 12 year old daughter (who is very mature and intelligent for her age) and she is aware that I have some very serious problems but really doesn't know what they are beyond anxiety.
For those with kids.... Do you feel it safe and easy to explain DP to your kids? How have they reacted?
Should I show her the "definition" of DP from this site? It so clearly explains how I feel and I think my daughter would understand a bit better if (along with my help and further information) she could read the definition from the site.
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You can have it. Its part of my past and I'm frankly happy that I never wasted my time actually writing it.

Simple day to day reality is far more strange and bizarre, and I now find end of the world, eschatological (is that right?) fantasies hopelessly simple-minded and, well, FANTASTIC. "Something's really happening. Just look around at all of the signs..." Yawn. MAN, I've got this splinter under my nail that I just can't GET OUT.

Not that I'm deliberately trying to offend any Terrence MacKenna devotees out there.
Yes, I agree, it's a rather pointless and groundless belief, yet fiction can often serve to drive that point home in an indirect way, much the way C. S. Lewis' fiction is driven by orthodox Christian faith, which is no less "fantastic," but held firmly because people have EXPERIENCED God's reality (to them).

The conviction that some people have about God's reality is analogous to the conviction we have when we are "ourselves," and recognize ourselves, but it's the recognition not of a "wish fulfilled," but of a Holy Other, a Holy Mystery, who fills the heart with divine love.

Oh, dear -- I've said too much about God again. Apologies!
"VERY common, slightly paranoid, very grandiose fantasies of omnipotence and Self as Center of Universe.

Then when our solipsism (I am everything and everything I need is inside me) gets the best of us, we freak out and shriek in the blackness of deep space."

Janine ? This really is the deep part of it. For me, it was where I discovered my humanity again.

I was so PROTECTED by my own delusions that when reality finally pierced through and exposed myself to my own manipulations, I discovered shame, embarassment and humiliation to a depth I'd never experienced before.

Then I just wanted to die, I felt like I was a ruined man for all to see and shake their heads at. But even this was a grandiose delusion.

Turns out a stay at a hospital to get my head together and years of therapy was the path from there on out.

Still getting more human by the day... no more gnostic space alien for me... though that is still a part, I just don't use it as a wall between me and the world, as protection, as an excuse for all-too-common everyday irresponsibility.
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Wow! This thread really took on a life of its own since I last looked at it.
I just wanted to thank everyone for all the great input.
I think the general consensus is a pre-teen child has enough to worry about without learning about DP.

I also was wondering for those with adult children... Have you explained it to them? If so, how did you approach it?

I am going to guess that some behavior of your daughter's toward you is causing you to think that you'd better say something. Is that right?

More important than telling her anything at all about your having an illness is your telling her and demonstrating to her often -- and perhaps when you least feel like it -- that you love her.

The most important thing you can teach her is not about DP at all. It's about the fact that your illness does not deprive her of what she needs the most -- your love.

She needs that more than she needs to know her own name.
I have not explained the DP/DR to any of my children,, just that Dad has some Anxiety/ Depression issues and he is getting help with them . I just don't think i want my kids oldest is 27 to know about this crap and put it in the back of there heads that it could happen to them..... If any of them end up this way I will share the knowledge with them then .. but I see know point in sounding like a looney to my kids it serves no purpose.
Well, I don't have kids but I agree with what everyone else said. I don't even discuss dp with my family members that are over 18 because I don't want to scare them or make them worry or God forbid induce it in anyone. I feel like the less my loved ones know about dp, the better off they are. I hope to God they don't ever find out what it is or have to experience it. I have discussed dp with people who themselves have experienced it somewhat and with doctors, but besides that, just calling it "anxiety" seems to work fine.
She is very aware of how much she is loved. Probably moreso than most kids today.

As far as why I feel the need to explain is because I feel that my symptoms of anxiety and DP are extremely severe and she has seen me get quite bad many times (those times where I feel like I am flying off the panet). I try my best to hide it but there are times that I actually look quite bad. The anxiety approach is probably the best as I have anxiety attacks that are so very severe that I still believe I am dying when I have them. I have feelings of completely seperating from my body and it is just so bizzare.
One of the big problems is my ex-in-laws... They are familiar with anxiety but they think it should be manageable and they will tell (if they haven't already) my daughter that I am able to function normally and that I just don't want to (as you all know that is the farthest thing from the truth for someone with severe anxiety + DP).
I was actually looking for a way to tell her how terrible debilitating this is and how it goes beyond simple anxiety (something I now see she is not ready to hear). I am on disability for this and she knows I am on disability but saying it's for "anxiety" sometimes seems silly. Especially now that anxiety is the "in" thing.
Oh well... I am rambling but maybe I have made some sense of my situation. If anyone can relate at all let me know.
Thanks you guys for being here and thanks for this forum. I have be able to get some great advice from many of the other threads here also!
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I know the panic attack thing very well. It seemed like I was one millimeter from total disintegration and annihilation.

Is there any reason you don't have emergency medicine there for when you need it?

My panic attacks didn't respond to psychological techniques and I could not tolerate them, so I had to have a drug available just for emergency use (because they're so easy to get addicted to).

Can you do something like that?

I would strongly advise you to talk with your doctor about the best way of dealing with trying to provide a good environment for adolscent children when a parent is ill. Get some professional advice, because there's bound to be information available about what has been proven to work best.

I hope you can find good mix of self-revelation and reassurance for your daughter. But it seems to me that she should never observe you freaking out during a panic attack -- and you shouldn't suffer them yourself. Constantly reexperiencing panic attacks is not good for us. We develop an automatic response and although we hate it, we get used to and accustomed to the panic, horrible as it is. What I would do is get rid of the panic symptoms entirely and go from there. Why go through them at all? There is just no need to.
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I am on daily doses of Xanax and have been for years. I still take a very low dose and many times it helps but there are some times it doesn't and I can't go up on the dose.
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