[g-funk]

It's hard to tell how much your life is shaped/the choices you make are influenced by dp. Having had odd stuff going on since I can remember, how do I know I don't like doing something/going somewhere because of that, or because I just plain don't want to? Does anyone know what I mean? When should you make yourself do something you don't want to do?

Basically, can someone tell me whether I should go on a hen weekend or not tomorrow?!?

 

[g-funk]

Ok, not sure this makes sense but if any one gets what the hell im going on about please say!

The thing is, everybody has things they don't like doing, at the end of the day, whether you have dp or not, it will be a psychological reason (except for illness or disability) but that is who we are. We are shaped by our experiences are we not?

Maybe it's a conflict, the restrictions our state of mind puts on us, but we feel we maybe another way if it weren't for the dp. But some of us have had it so long that it is an intrinsic part of our mind, probably shaping our decisions more often than we realise.

Do we avoid doing stuff because of the faulty coping mechanisms we developed, or because out of habit of experiencing dp, we don't do it as we fear feeling that way.

Do I not want to go on a hen weekend because I have slight flying phobia and co-dependency issues (and consequently dp) or because I fear the feeling of getting dp while I'm there? I feel as though it is the latter, since my fears developed long time after getting first horrible dp experiences?

I've been at this point before and manically posted back then, hoping to make sense of what I was thinking, and I have a niggling feeling I am ignoring everything I've learnt.

Sorry if this rambles. And sorry if anybody I know who happens to be going on the same hen weekend reads this, please dont drop me in it!!! (Totally paranoid about anonymity)

 

[Martinelv]

Go.

Go.

GO FOR GODS SAKE WOMAN !!!!

The thing about DP is that it chains us to our fear, shivering under the weight of our misery. Look at it this way, what have you got lose ? If you stay home, DP and your co-dependancy issuses win again. If you go, you've given DP one more punch in the face and, heavens, you might even enjoy yourself, and even take a step on the road to recovery. Sure, you might panic, but then again, you might have a wonderful time. If fact, I'm sure you will. Life is for living, not for worring about what might happen. Easier said than done, I know, but the choice is very simple sweetheart. Go and have a great time with the girls, get hideously drunk, dance on tables, flirt with men, dress up silly.......LIVE !

What you are doing, and this is meant in the nicest possible way, is LOOKING for excuses not to go. Actually, it's not you, it's your DP and other issues that are looking for excuses not to go. This is not you speaking. Everyone has a slight flying phobia...anxieties are there to be conquered, not indulged. Kick these anxieties in the bollocks and go. I beseach you...please. Even if you're dragged out of your house by a pack of wild dogs, shivering with fear or whatever, at least you've still made it. I ask you, what is the alternative ? What ? Unless all of your limbs have fallen off, you've suddenly developed a brain tumour, ebola or small pox then there is NO "I can't do it, I can't go because of xyz". I'm not belittling whatever problems you have, but the choice is really simple. Nothing 'bad' is going to happen to do..(apart from getting groped up in a seedy nightclub)....panic is just panic...nothing more. Do not run from it.

I tell you what, if you let me come with you as a shaparone, I'll buy the drinks. (I went to my sisters hen night and, as you can imagine, had the time of my life. My brother-in-law wouldn't let me go to his Stag night because he thought a wine bar wasn't suitable for me!!! Bastard)

 

[Guest]

ok, at first I thought a hen weekend was some kind of poultry fair, but Martin just cleared that up... yes, you should go, because you're getting married soon and then there will be no more hen weekends!

 

[g-funk]

poultry fair!!!

we call men's 'stag nights'

don't you call it something equally as weird like 'bridal shower' or something?

 

[Guest]

cancel it.

You're trying to PROVE you can do it, when you don't even want to go.

Pick your battles in life. This is a very low priority.

Cancel, and enjoy your weekend - you've got ENOUGH to do right now.

- The Oracle

 

[Martinelv]

But Janine, we can always find excuses to do things we don't want to do. It's a Hen night for gods sake, not life brain surgery or an appointment with the dentist - it's an opportunity to get out, to socialise, to have fun, to forget her torment. Are you suggesting that she stays in and wallows in her misery, or am I missing something ? This hen night is not a low priority......it's a gigantic, massive, huuuuuuuge priority of biblical proportions for her.

She SHOULD prove she can do it, even if she hates every second of it. If not, should all just sit in doors rotting anway and feeling sorry for ourselves, while the DP demon drowns us in it's bile. As you've said many times, the struggle against DR/DP is a fight, a refusal to give in, to focus outwards and try and continue to live life as normal however painful it is. OK, let's cancel everything, cancel cancel cancel, delay delay delay, put it off, wait for another day, suspend fun, life, challanges until a miracle happens and we wake up one day free of this curse...fine.

There, I said it. Despite the increasing magnitude of my love for you Janine, I 'openly' disagree with you for the first time.

If she doesn't go, incubates some reason not to, then I'm going to be well fecked off. This illness ensures that we spend our whole fecking lives putting things off, suspending life, urging us to forget who we are...bit by bit, chiping away at our will....enough of this, and we might as all well give up now.

 

[Guest]

ahhhhh...on Friday the 13th you DARE to publically disagree with me? Bats and locusts to you!! Large black cats with evil eyes on your chest while you sleep!

Actually, while it's just FUN to curse you, I realize where you're coming from. I know gfunk VERY well - we're e-buddies, so I know alot of personal stuff about her, and her current situation, that hasn't been posted. While technically, Martin, you're correct in all you said up there, in THIS case I was offering her advice based on other stuff I know (not based on the details from this thread)...so the hen party IS low priorty in this instance.

gfunk does ALOT (she's not housebound and not at all socially shy).

But I wanted to explain somewhat so you wouldn't feel this Friday the 13th marked the official end of our love affair. grin

L,
J