Hi all!
I have introduced myself earlier on this website for my story, you can check it here to see my symptoms and background a bit: http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/85689-no-feelings-and-memory/?view=getnewpost
I want to update (and keep updating) you guys on my road to recovery with TMS treatment.
First of all, I tried everything to find the cure, like everyone here is desperate to find it. I'm suffering now for over 9 months. The most horrible part is a lack of feelings (non existant, not even anxiety and before I was diagnosed with GAD), memoryproblems (like Alzheimer way) and social I am so numb and boring, I am no fun to be around, I think. Like i miss words, don't know what to say etc.
In the 9 months I have this, I had therapy 3 times, I had contact with several neurologists trough email (I searched for the best ones on Google and decides to tell my story in the hope they had the answer), I had an MRI, nothing came out, I had medication : anti psychoticas, all sleep medication possible, anti depressants (lexapro, which I already had and since 2(?) months wellbutrin). I joined the Facebook groups blank mind and depersonalisation for cures.. I even saw a person from Facebook and met her.
Nothing nada zero worked for me.
*I had no withdrawal symptoms from medication, like my feelings and sensations were (and still are) blocked. A normal person maby would feel a little withdrawal, also when I drink alcohol or I even took drugs (I hated drugs, was scared of drugs..) and even drugs didn't do shit to me.. and believe me, the drugs weren't the problem (MDmA, XTC).
Last resort (for me) was to go to a trauma centrum, they again did a lot of interviews which was hard for me to do due to my memory, lack of feelings etc, to answer questions correctly.
Basically they told me they can't help me. Professionals doesn't know what the hell to do with this..
They diagnosed me with depersonalization (I already knew that) and the memory issues were due to attention disorder (ha! Serious?!) My lack of feelings they called 'some connections in you're brain are shut of'. Long story short : the advice was mindfulness and ACT (acceptance and comittment therapy). I told them that mindfulness doesn't work because my mind is already blank and empty, I don't have any emotions nor feelings I can be aware of when I am practicing mindfulness.. and.. Acceptance therapy??? I will NOT accept this!!
So. I decided to contact all the TMS clinics in the nederlands. Only 1 was willing to help me...
I have now completed 2 sessions and after the first session I noticed a veeeryy tiny difference in my memory. I could remember the day Before (what I did the day before.) That was new for me.. I still have every single symptom I wrote down in the link above BUT my memory really was improving, buy only 0.5 procent.
I had the second session yesterday. I didn't notice any difference. But in the evening I noticed I was more chatty, in a social way. I dont want to say I'm cured because man, I am even scared to say that I am chatty, because maby today I am not.. So i dont want to give myself the hope.. But.. Others around me notice something to. I just wanted to share this with you guys and Ill keep u updated.
They target the right DLPFC and the left DLPFC. We will do this for 5 times. If this isn't working they are willing to try the TPJ and VlPC, because I heard those areas are targeted (some successfully) also with DP.
Thanks for reading my story, all best of luck!
I have introduced myself earlier on this website for my story, you can check it here to see my symptoms and background a bit: http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/85689-no-feelings-and-memory/?view=getnewpost
I want to update (and keep updating) you guys on my road to recovery with TMS treatment.
First of all, I tried everything to find the cure, like everyone here is desperate to find it. I'm suffering now for over 9 months. The most horrible part is a lack of feelings (non existant, not even anxiety and before I was diagnosed with GAD), memoryproblems (like Alzheimer way) and social I am so numb and boring, I am no fun to be around, I think. Like i miss words, don't know what to say etc.
In the 9 months I have this, I had therapy 3 times, I had contact with several neurologists trough email (I searched for the best ones on Google and decides to tell my story in the hope they had the answer), I had an MRI, nothing came out, I had medication : anti psychoticas, all sleep medication possible, anti depressants (lexapro, which I already had and since 2(?) months wellbutrin). I joined the Facebook groups blank mind and depersonalisation for cures.. I even saw a person from Facebook and met her.
Nothing nada zero worked for me.
*I had no withdrawal symptoms from medication, like my feelings and sensations were (and still are) blocked. A normal person maby would feel a little withdrawal, also when I drink alcohol or I even took drugs (I hated drugs, was scared of drugs..) and even drugs didn't do shit to me.. and believe me, the drugs weren't the problem (MDmA, XTC).
Last resort (for me) was to go to a trauma centrum, they again did a lot of interviews which was hard for me to do due to my memory, lack of feelings etc, to answer questions correctly.
Basically they told me they can't help me. Professionals doesn't know what the hell to do with this..
They diagnosed me with depersonalization (I already knew that) and the memory issues were due to attention disorder (ha! Serious?!) My lack of feelings they called 'some connections in you're brain are shut of'. Long story short : the advice was mindfulness and ACT (acceptance and comittment therapy). I told them that mindfulness doesn't work because my mind is already blank and empty, I don't have any emotions nor feelings I can be aware of when I am practicing mindfulness.. and.. Acceptance therapy??? I will NOT accept this!!
So. I decided to contact all the TMS clinics in the nederlands. Only 1 was willing to help me...
I have now completed 2 sessions and after the first session I noticed a veeeryy tiny difference in my memory. I could remember the day Before (what I did the day before.) That was new for me.. I still have every single symptom I wrote down in the link above BUT my memory really was improving, buy only 0.5 procent.
I had the second session yesterday. I didn't notice any difference. But in the evening I noticed I was more chatty, in a social way. I dont want to say I'm cured because man, I am even scared to say that I am chatty, because maby today I am not.. So i dont want to give myself the hope.. But.. Others around me notice something to. I just wanted to share this with you guys and Ill keep u updated.
They target the right DLPFC and the left DLPFC. We will do this for 5 times. If this isn't working they are willing to try the TPJ and VlPC, because I heard those areas are targeted (some successfully) also with DP.
Thanks for reading my story, all best of luck!
