[Guest]

hello friends,

i've been feeling out of my body and like i'm losing touch with reality for 3 months now. It sucks and I know you all relate. I'm tired of obsessing about it and I'm tired of all the existential thinking and wondering why I am here and all that too. I'm tired of watching myself live and not feeling good and experiencing life like I once did. I'm tired of being afraid, and I'm tired of feeling terrified that I'm going to go crazy and be alone in my head with all this nonsense. Damnit, I'm tired of this anxiety and I'm tired of medication and wondering if I'll ever get better, and trying to pretend I believe it's going to get better when really I'm scared to death that it's never going to end.

Ok.. so there is my rant for tonight. Any thoughts? I'm looking for connection here... not necessarily reassurances. Just knowing others are out there who identify with this and are still getting by even though it sucks.

 

[kenc127]

Well, I, like you are sick to death of this. I miss my life too, and all I can think about are worst case scenarios about my health and well being. I guess we just need to continue working on changing our thought patterns and gain some confidence in the fact that we can get better, because nothing is forever. I hear ya.

Ken

 

[Guest]

I wish survival of the fittest still applied to us like it did to the cavemen. The unlucky cro-magnon, neanderthal chaps who had mental illnesses would just get mauled by a sabertooth tiger or something.

The weaker cavemen would surely die becuase they're spending way too much time on the internet and watching the lifetime network.

I think i'm going to do some research on whether or not the mentally ill procreate more than the sane. I wish my parents would have sked me before I was concieved...or at least figure out to themselves that they are both NUTS and odds are in favor of having demented offspring like myself.

Lets all go to Sudan so we can jump in the middle of the genocide or at least catch AIDS.

 

[Guest]

Yeah, I know you're tired of it. But isn't that motivation to do something about it?

You think you're so much more powerless than you really are.

I would start by stopping these rants on a forum on the internet.

 

[Guest]

kari, you have no freaking life to be coming in here and being mean to her...i understand her completely...she is severe unlike yourself...you have never seen the hell that she has. you go to school, have a passion for photography and have friends to go party with...you have what we all want to have "happiness"...and yet you come in here all the damn time...you dont even know what it feels like to literally be feeling like you are coming out of youre body....not mentally...but literally feeling the sensation...24/7........stop being so rude...she dosnt even deserve it..if you want to be rude, do it to me...

 

[dreamcatcher]

feministcat.....the thought of these symptoms never going scares me stupid but in my mind i also know its that fear of thinking we might never be better that is probably keeping us here....if you can understand what i mean....we all find things to obssess about its all comes with it....we can chase our tails forever looking for answers....but in reality we have to try to let go......just wish we could all find away to move on....hope you feel a bit better soon ....and rant as much as u like....they say one of the ways to get over this is to write down your fears......and i think that is exactley what u are doing....

 

[Guest]

Hahaha...now things get interesting.

 

[Guest]

i know things can really suck ass sometimes...i wpould never have imagined my life to be like this a couple of years ago, but then the more i look back, the more it kinda clicks....I guess what sucks more is that we know what we could be doin..but can't always do it or have the motivation.... i just hope that you feel a bit more at ease soon..........take care....

 

[Guest]

one thing that i find helps connection.....music.....

 

[Guest]

Hi feministcat

"i've been feeling out of my body and like i'm losing touch with reality for 3 months now. It sucks and I know you all relate. I'm tired of obsessing about it and I'm tired of all the existential thinking and wondering why I am here and all that too. I'm tired of watching myself live and not feeling good and experiencing life like I once did."

I think I know what you mean about the obsessing part of pondering why you are here, does life have some purpose? etc. and preoccupation with these type of thoughts can become a drag to put it mildly. But still these are very important questions in my opinion and the distinquishing feature seperating human beings from animals on the evolutionary ladder, or on The Great Chain Of Being to use a neo platonist term.

While you may want to try and not obsess about these important issues, you may, nevertheless, only find relief and that feeling of "reality" you long for by diligently seeking to actually answer these questions. And your answers may be different from mine or from others answers.

Secondly you say:

I'm tired of watching myself live and not feeling good and *experiencing life like I once did."*

And again although I think I understand what you really feel behind your words, I feel you must learn to accept that you will never experience life exctly the same way as you did in the past.

I read somewhere that these "ego loss states" of depersonalization maybe an effort on the part of Psyche to heal or reconfigure ones sense of self and identity. Perhaps in some way this highly uncomfortable transformative stage you are currently caught up in will become an opportunity for you to conciously struggle and reconstruct a new self with which to experience the rest of what life has in store for you.

I say these things sincerely. Sorry if I sound "preachy."

Wishing you well
john

 

[Guest]

uhh yeah ok robbie
i wasn't even being rude
i was telling her she isnt powerless and that there is hope for her.
but ok???

 

[Guest]

yes feministcat it stinks. I hate feeling unreal in situations where I really, really shouldn't be feeling unreal... I am sick of the constant existential ruminations that keep on ruminating even when I'm done ruminating. I'm sick of pondering the meaning of meaning when I'm trying to fall asleep. So I hear you. Sorry you're going through this too.

 

[Guest]

I just gave myself a dutch oven. In case you don't know...a dutch oven is when you fart in a pillow and then suffocate yourself with it.

 

[dakotajo]

Hey Ziggy,

Your pretty hilarious!

 

[person3]

Kari has a point. Rants don't help. they make you focus on your problem more.

Maybe, just maybe, try not being the perfect image of you that you maybe have tried to force yourself into being. ease up on yourself.

 

[Guest]

uhh yeah ok robbie
i wasn't even being rude
i was telling her she isnt powerless and that there is hope for her.
but ok???

You sound like Hitler. Tough.

You seem to be saying that feministcat isn't powerless, that She's sick of DP/DR states and being fed up should kick start Her into action.

And that ranting on the internet wont help Her to start doing anything about Her DP/DR.

And... that there is hope.

I just got a cognitive jam.

It's hard to dicern the meaning in those two posts. I had to find the positivity by untangling and untangling.

It sounds like Kari knows someone who acts like a drill sargeant.

 

[Guest]

I wish survival of the fittest still applied to us like it did to the cavemen. The unlucky cro-magnon, neanderthal chaps who had mental illnesses would just get mauled by a sabertooth tiger or something.

The weaker cavemen would surely die becuase they're spending way too much time on the internet and watching the lifetime network.

I think i'm going to do some research on whether or not the mentally ill procreate more than the sane. I wish my parents would have sked me before I was concieved...or at least figure out to themselves that they are both NUTS and odds are in favor of having demented offspring like myself.

Lets all go to Sudan so we can jump in the middle of the genocide or at least catch AIDS.

I love your raccoon thing.

Is what you write "existentialist" thinking???
Because this is where I go...

Exactly. Why do nutty parents pro-create. Why bother to "infest" your child with bad genes and bad parenting.
Why bother. Do they THINK first...

Survival of the fittest, and cavemen, is why I think it's dangerous at the moment to be born soft, trusting, naive, pure, artistic, innocent etc...

The soft, daydreamy, innocent qualities get devoured now.

Often the abovementioned types are also very defiant and free thinking, and get angry. Slap, slap, slap naughty kid.

I think empathy is becoming equal to weakness. And certain cognitive styles are become the norm.

 

[Guest]

thanks to everyone who supported me here.. i appreciate your feedback.
i don't agree that rants don't help... i actually felt much better after posting and getting those feelings out, and then getting the positive replies. that actually helped alot. so thanks for that guys

 

[Guest]

thanks to everyone who supported me here.. i appreciate your feedback.
i don't agree that rants don't help... i actually felt much better after posting and getting those feelings out, and then getting the positive replies. that actually helped alot. so thanks for that guys

Your face in your picture looks sad.