I've had dp/dr for as long as I can remember, although it has gotten progressively worse year by year. It's so weird how knew something was wrong with myself as a child.. I couldn't put my finger on it, something with the way I saw the world. I would always try to eliminate causes - was it my vision that was causing it? Was it because of an itch?
Still, in comparison to how I feel today, childhood was so full of life. From time to time, i get these glimpses.. flashbacks from the time when I felt alive. Sometimes I almost faint. It's like being dead and catching a glimpse of how it's like to live. I see the contrast between how life is supposed to be like, and how I'm now living. I become bitter. I start to resent happy people... I get angry when people laugh. That makes me a terrible person. I sleep... I follow my routines.. I make up big thoughts that I can't comprehend.. and point anger towards innocent people. That's the one thing that seperates me from being dead - the anger and the jealousy. I have no function in this world.
Still, in comparison to how I feel today, childhood was so full of life. From time to time, i get these glimpses.. flashbacks from the time when I felt alive. Sometimes I almost faint. It's like being dead and catching a glimpse of how it's like to live. I see the contrast between how life is supposed to be like, and how I'm now living. I become bitter. I start to resent happy people... I get angry when people laugh. That makes me a terrible person. I sleep... I follow my routines.. I make up big thoughts that I can't comprehend.. and point anger towards innocent people. That's the one thing that seperates me from being dead - the anger and the jealousy. I have no function in this world.
