[peacedove]

Time goes buy so quickly these days. I'm getting older and older and I feel a sense of loss, but I don't feel old. I mean I'm 23 and aside from feeling more depressed and crazy and more experienced I don't feel any different from let's say 15.

Also I'm always longing for the past. It makes sense that I wish I was 5 forever cuz that's when I was DP free. But it's not just the passing of that age that I grieve over. I'm constantly remembering happy things of the past at any age besides my current one and wishing I could relive them.

It's like I can never enjoy the moment. I can never be happy about where I am now in life. I'm always depressed and thinking oh remember this that was fun why can't I feel that way now.

 

[Guest]

I have similar feelings very often. When I look at old photos of myself, I want to cry. Compared to now, I was so carefree. I didn't know what pain was.

But our experiences change us. This is our situation right now, so we can only look for the positivity.

I have found the following positive aspects to my rather intense DP/DR:

1) I can empathise much more readily with other people. When I hear of someone with an illness, or a problem, I genuinely feel for them and want to help them, because now I know what it is to feel like you cannot escape from pain. I was a cold person before. This is positive.

2) I have learned to try my very hardest to appreciate what I DO have and what I CAN enjoy. We still have our minds, folks. We still have our limbs. We still have people in our lives that love us. It may feel like it sometimes, but we aren't dead! We still have presents and futures to look forward to. We'll only be as sad as we let ourselves be.

3) When my DP/DR is gone - whether it be from a recovery, or a medical advancement 50 years from now - life will be the most beautiful, awe-inspiring thing. I'm going to love it. I'm going to walk outside in the morning and feel the grass beneath my feet and simply be in the moment with no distractions. I'm going to watch sunsets again, and each one will be beautiful because there will be no static in the sky. It's going to be so beautiful that I'll weep.

4) When my DP/DR is gone, nothing will bother me. No problem will disturb my glacial calm and inner peace. I will be truly happy.

There is saying - there cannot be light without the darkness. We're experiencing the darkness. When the day comes, it will be all the brighter for having known the night.

I have that to look forward to in my future.

 

[peacedove]

Thank you positivity. I wish I could be sure my DP will be gone one day like you are. I guess I should call myself negativity. Your reply does give me hope though, thank you.

 

[Guest]

you took the words out of my mouth. birthdays come and i don't feel a moment older. days pass and i don't see any real difference. time controls and it's the only constant. you wouldn't want to know how OCD i am about time. i can't go without looking at my watch etc. i get driven crazy if i don't have one. i feel like time is running out but there is nothing to do!

 

[Guest]

Thank you positivity. I wish I could be sure my DP will be gone one day like you are. I guess I should call myself negativity. Your reply does give me hope though, thank you.

On being "sure" that your DP will be gone one day:

Say, for argument's sake, that DP/DR is most heavily rooted in anxiety. That is, suppose that if all of our anxieties, fears and insecurities were to magically disappear in an instant, so would our DP/DR.

You have two choices:

1) Take hope that it will go away someday. This will decrease your anxiety, which will probably increase the likelihood that the problem actually will go away.

2) Be pessimistic (which one might argue is a logical reaction to reading most people's DP/DR experiences). This will increase your anxiety, and will probably result in you having DP/DR longer.

I know that this is easier said than done, but that is the whole idea about hope and faith.