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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I moved with some friends to a new state to play in a band about 8 years ago after a pretty traumatic breakup. Things were going well the first year or so, but my anxiety and ocd started getting really bad. I thought maybe it was due to homesickness. I moved 1000 miles away from all of my family and other friends. I got into another relationship and my anxiety continued to get worse and I  started having panic attacks which lead to derealization and existential fears. After 4 years,  my relationship ended, I spent 2 more years alone and just got worse and finally decided after 8 years of struggling it was time to move back home.  I've been back home now for a year and a half and I'm married. I can't seem to adjust though,  I'm 38 and feel like I failed and it is too late in life, my mind still feels like things should be how they were before I moved,  but everything is different, parents aged, friends moved, pets died etc... my perception of time is screwed up. A decade ago feels like yesterday and months go by like what seems like days, I feel disconnected, have a debilitating fear of death and aging, derealization and anxiety are worse than ever,  I have a sense of dread and feel like I can't get through life anymore, my 8 years away feel like a blur or like it didn't happen and so on... I don't know what to do...
 
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