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1169 Views 9 Replies 6 Participants Last post by  eclecticsheep
Ugh, so i'm getting the really bad thoughts again, about "how am I thinking what i'm thinking, how do i hear them, where do they come from?" I start to think about this and then I start to freak out thinking that I'll stop thinking somehow, and then I'll just crack and go insane or die. I'm worrying about schizophrenia again, sure that this is the prelude to it. I'm having really vivid dreams recently, so I'm sure that's a sign of something too. I know part of the problem is alcohol. I drink pretty much every other night, and I drink A LOT (like a 12 pack), but then I"ll have a bad day when I didn't drink the night before and think "what the hell, obviously its' not THAT." Sigh. I was feeling better for a while, but now i'm back down. I need a new therapist, i really think I do, but it's so damn hard to let him know that becuase he really likes me and I think he thinks he's helping me (because i'm not letting him know otherwiese). On the positive side, I may be getting a new job soon, as my current job is a major trigger for the dp.
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perhaps before you get a new therapist (since you seem to like the one you have now), you could try telling him that his methods aren't really helping and see if he has anything else to offer.

also, where do you work now and where is your new job?
oh my goodness! i can hardly stand going to a grocery store even when i'm feeling fine! it never fails to bring on dr. i try to do all of my grocery shopping drunk.

i couldn't handle being a waitress when i had severe dr. it was way too much stimulation for me. when i felt the worst dr, i ended up working at starbucks which was really nice. it was the only thing i could handle at that time.

good luck with your new job, though...
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