[peaceboy23]

Ugh, so i'm getting the really bad thoughts again, about "how am I thinking what i'm thinking, how do i hear them, where do they come from?" I start to think about this and then I start to freak out thinking that I'll stop thinking somehow, and then I'll just crack and go insane or die. I'm worrying about schizophrenia again, sure that this is the prelude to it. I'm having really vivid dreams recently, so I'm sure that's a sign of something too. I know part of the problem is alcohol. I drink pretty much every other night, and I drink A LOT (like a 12 pack), but then I"ll have a bad day when I didn't drink the night before and think "what the hell, obviously its' not THAT." Sigh. I was feeling better for a while, but now i'm back down. I need a new therapist, i really think I do, but it's so damn hard to let him know that becuase he really likes me and I think he thinks he's helping me (because i'm not letting him know otherwiese). On the positive side, I may be getting a new job soon, as my current job is a major trigger for the dp.

 

[agentcooper]

perhaps before you get a new therapist (since you seem to like the one you have now), you could try telling him that his methods aren't really helping and see if he has anything else to offer.

also, where do you work now and where is your new job?

 

[peaceboy23]

I work in a grocery store. It's large, the lights are bad, and the management team is really starting to p*ss me off! Every day I work there I get madder and madder and hate it more and more. My new job would be in a resteraunt. I know it's hard work, but I would be able to actually stay busier the lighting is a lot better and I am friends with the managers there. My therapists thinks it's a good idea too.

 

[agentcooper]

oh my goodness! i can hardly stand going to a grocery store even when i'm feeling fine! it never fails to bring on dr. i try to do all of my grocery shopping drunk.

i couldn't handle being a waitress when i had severe dr. it was way too much stimulation for me. when i felt the worst dr, i ended up working at starbucks which was really nice. it was the only thing i could handle at that time.

good luck with your new job, though...

 

[Scattered]

Grocery stores are trippy for me. I look at the shelves and its as if im overstimulated by all the colors. It feels like the items are literally popping off the shelves and into my field of vision. Then the aisles seem really long and its like my mind can't deal with it. The overall experience is like being in a funhouse, except its not fun at all.

 

[jake]

Oh my God and Hell Yes about grocery stores, I relate to what everybody said. My neighbor shops at a "Super Kroger" grocery cuz she says the small one near us is too sleazy and besides she has a horrible racist problem and says "How can you stand going to that store with al the "blacks"? Haaa..she's a trip. But I go to the smaller one simply b/cuz the aisles aren't as long.

agent cooper I busted a gut laughing at the sentence you wrote, "I shop when I'm drunk". I know its not funny for you but man I cracked up. so thanks for that. I havent laughed in a long time.

Scattered, you know the Cereal aisle is the most like a funhouse without the fun to me. I laughed at that line of yours too, so a double thanks.
Peaceboy dammit I wish I could make you stop thinkin you are schiz!!!
Be good to yourself.
---Jake

 

[peaceboy23]

I've been feeling kind of "trippy" all day, i dont' know how else to describe it. I was playing a video game and it is really overcast, and I looked outside, and i started freaking out about maybe not knowing what time it is and how it looked later than it is. Then I started thinking about my sight and how I see things, and i started to feel like everything looked funny and got panicky...lol i am a mess today. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for something, like waiting for something to happen, but I dont' know what. It's like I feel like my life is not really useful for anything, and i'm just waiting for the one thing that will make me feel good about myself and cured. It's odd, and very frustrating.

 

[Milan]

Ugh, so i'm getting the really bad thoughts again, about "how am I thinking what i'm thinking, how do i hear them, where do they come from?"

I have a lot of trouble with this as well. Makes the DP come on full force. The other thing that does this is when I think of images in my mind I wonder where the hell are they and how and who is looking at them. The only way out is to do something and distract yourself before the panic hits home otherwise you're stuck in that dreadful state for a while.

And please stay off the grog. I'm still trying to get over Sundays night session of booze. If your drinking hard every second day you'll never give your body a chance to recoup. DO anything but drink. Listen to this or simply do it your way and f*** yourself up. Your choice. If you can't stop, get help, seriously. NO MORE DRINKING!!!!!!!!!

 

[Scattered]

It's like I feel like my life is not really useful for anything, and i'm just waiting for the one thing that will make me feel good about myself and cured. It's odd, and very frustrating.

I can relate to that completely. I feel odd, or depressed, or sad sometimes and its like I just sit around waiting for something good to happen. Or for someone to come along and save me from myself.

 

[eclecticsheep]

2 things.

1) drinking makes it worse
2) you are not crazy and you will never be. crazy people don't even suspect that that they are crazy