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I think I'm realizing now after 11 years of DP/DR how much different not only my life would have gone but my personality too. I feel like DP has made me much more empathetic (in the long run of course, I think in the short term I was just angry) to other peoples emotions and much less of a conformist or a BRO for lack of a word. I definitely would have kept in the rat race and kept buying needless stuff and chasing stupid pleasures where now I feel like I've lived 50 years in 30 and just want a very few simple things most of the time. I feel like a lot of people, men especially stay 20 permanently and I'm having a hard time getting back into that game. I don't know if it's just a phase or if since I've spent so much time in existential thought I've just seen through the BS. It is really weird becoming so sensitive to how everyone is trying to dominate everyone else all the time except for a few rare people. Again I can't tell if this is paranoia or if I've just become disillusioned with the game we all play. Men want power and women are actually attracted to it and we are all fucking up the world at an alarming rate. I kind of hope I come back to earth in a small sense and these thoughts stop being so loud but I've thought them for so long they are very hard to un-see now. Any thoughts? Much appreciated
 

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We are definitely shaped by our experience of reality. I feel very grateful for experiencing life in a unique way than others. It's true everybody is chasing pleasures, power, selfishness. Years and Years of Dissociation has really humbled me.

"A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor."
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
We are definitely shaped by our experience of reality. I feel very grateful for experiencing life in a unique way than others. It's true everybody is chasing pleasures, power, selfishness. Years and Years of Dissociation has really humbled me.

"A smooth sea never made a skillful sailor."
Thank you
 

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Hard to say what my future would have been if I hadn't taken the detour. Dying at a young age was certainly a possibility.
Truth is, I owe everything I am to my illness. I never intended to work as hard as I did at life. I didn't see the need until my crippling neurological trauma at age 17. That's when life
got serious. Real serious. No telling what I could have been if I had the motivation of my illness, minus the debilitating symptoms. But, they came as a pair. I lived with the fear of dying
on a regular basis. When I wasn't crippled by the fear of dying, I was trying to live for all I was worth. Every 8 years I would crash and burn with a depressive episode that was an epic struggle for survival. When it was over, I went back to work with a vengeance in the hopes of avoiding another episode.. I was never able to do that, unfortunately, but I accomplished quite a bit in life. Much more than
I had intended in the first place. The only thing missing was the joy and happiness that should have accompanied the triumphs.
 

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I've never been treated properly for DPDR since it's unknown by many in my little small town and the only medical professionals that know what it is probably live over 100 miles away from me. It's definitely been a hard road, but it's way better than it used to be, when I was concerned that I was going to have dissociative seizures. I still struggle with emotional blunting and having issues with empathy, but I'm aware that I still feel emotions but they're simultaneously intense and not. I think I once described it as if my emotions were being put through a filter.
 

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Its definitely given me some sort of permanent brainfog, hindering my ability to ‘tap’ into my inner self to read or intuit thoughts so I have something to say. Sometimes I’m just super blank minded, most of the time I don’t have anything to say, even though in some social situations I’m desperately trying to come up with something still. It sucks. I know I have social anxiety, generalized anxiety, and OCD as well. But DP seems to suck the fun right out of me, sometimes I even try to fix it. Actually, all the time.

On a positive note, DP has made me immune to experiencing major sadness, though it’s kind of made me a rock that’s not in touch with my emotions, it still has made me stronger. The suffering has made me stronger. No, the suffering has made US stronger. I applaud every one of you for still trying to be a good person through this.
 
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