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does anyone else have the feeling that they're thoughts have been amplified, like someone has turned up the volume?

Does anyone actually have any explanation of how we are able to think/ talk/write?

Do we control what we think or do thoughts just appear totally at random without our control?

When we speak do we know what we are about to say before we say it, or does it just come to us? Again, if it just comes to us how do we know what we are talking about or about to say next?

I have asked my parents and boyfriend these questions so many times and they can neither understand what I'm talking about or give me any answers.

I can't tell if it is the DP that is making me think these things and if I didnt have DP it would make sense, so there would be absolutely no point in questioning it.

Am I only asking these questions because talking and thinking feels strange or is it possible to still ask these questions and find them so important even if you are not DPed.

Janine as someone who is now free of DP - do just not feel the need to question it anymore? Did you question these things when you had DP? If so what made you stop questioning it? If you can remember of course!



I was with a friend one night who was drinking heavily and doing some pot. This was a normal occurrance for him - he functioned pretty well in a severely altered state! He was also a writer - and a good one - but when he was a tad drunk, he thought his very good poems were utterly world-changing.

This particular night he was just 100 per cent obsessed about HAVING to remember a "perfect phrase" that he'd thought up in another half-drunk state - a "perfect way to express the fear of love..." And he racked his brain and did all kinds of memory exercises...convinced that if he could just remember this "perfect" phrase that his poetry would reach new heights - and of course, he would be immediately recognized as the genius he knew he was, etc...

Do you think the phrase he was desperate to remember was really going to change life on this planet as we know it? me either. an altered state, we can attach MEANING and IMPORTANCE to things that defy all logic. In the light of day, I'm sure my friend would say "oh, yeah...well...." and kind of chuckle over it. He'd realize that whatever compulsion he had the night before was alcohol/pot-induced, and that in the light of day, the larger issue was when was he going to try to PUBLISH some of his poems, not how could he recall the "perfect expression" that would change the world.

The point: (oh, there is ALWAYS a point, you cynic, grin.....)
That's how those Life/Death Reality/Meaning of Life Questions strike me today. I remember vividly that I used to think "HOW can I just LIVE in this body not understanding precisely how it works, and precisely how my thought processes are occuring...." The "Meaning' of all those self-watching-self kinds of questions were mythic in proportion. The rest of life just paled.

In the light of day (without symptoms) my brain is no longer in an altered state where I, like my friend, was a tad delusional. So those questions today seem interesting, sure...but the paramount importance of them just makes me chuckle. "oh, yeah...well.." is my reaction now - and it used to be obsessive and desperate and compulsive....because it was a symptom.

The questions themselves are symptoms. We have turned ourselves so far inside out that we can't care about anything OUT here - we are like an "intelligent" computer obsessing over how its own hardware is functioning....and eventually it freezes in the self-observation.

Turn AWAY from the questions. You can listen to me, or you can ignore me...but you will never win the quest. The only way to WIN is to turn yourself back rightside out...and live.


pssst. Janine. HOW DO I DO THAT? How do I turn myself right side out again? How do I stop the endless obssessing over a single thought/feeling?
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