This is just retarded!!!!

I am so frocking sick of this crap it isnt even funny! I would be fine if I could just ease my anxiety! I realize that is what causes DR but seriously! I have a a really good day on the whole and suddenly I find myself barreling downward! and why!? WHO Frocking knows!?!? There isnt one damn day that goes by where I dont worry like hell that I am turning into my mom!? My mom is BPD! A disorder based on abandonment isues but also the person is sorta stuck in a dissasociative state where they are sorta on auto pilot all the time. So I am totally freaked because I have DR which is a form of dissasosiation. Like fear that blow out when I just never come back! AND WHY!? I know that my anxiety is just kickin in hyper time! I know I am not BPD! I know I have no abandonment issues! Yet I fear it! I have days where i am like a real person again. Now the anxiety keeps creeping in! I understand the anxiety and the DR now and why it all happens and yet even after 2mo of feeling almost entirely better here we go again! Wondering if I really am nuts and all that crap all over again! ANY WHY I ASK YOU! I spend 80% or more of my day not thinking about this crap and I still wind up here! I am so fed up! This is just plain dumb! I shouldnt be feeling this way and I know it and I cant snap myself out and it is poissing me off!!!!!
I am done! I am gonna go get anxiety meds and hopefully that will help! I am so sick of this stupid crap! :evil:
.... deep breath... ok thanks for letting me get that out guys! I feel better!