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I'm going to share with you something that I've just recently learned. And for those of us that are past the quick fixes but not quite ready to accept or even comprehend the complexity of the defensive mechanism we've learned to use (i.e. Depersonalization) this little piece of information might help to change your perception about what has happened to you.

And when we change the perception hopefully we can spark a different dialogue with ourselves about how we got here and maybe how we can get out.

So we throw around the word "normal" a lot don't we? And from time to time I will see a post about trauma that most of us gloss over because (of course) that's not the problem. It's was weed, it's a brain imbalance, it's because it's Tuesday at 4 am, the planets are aligned and Jesus came down but forgot to give you a quarter lol

(Okay that might be more psychosis but still, kind of funny) lol

But we completely dismiss the idea that we were traumatized. And even if we were, what good does that do us now? We no longer see or experience the world as "normal" any more and let's face it, we are ALL very adept at telling each other how much that sucks.

(Because it does).

I always giggle a little because every post I see on here describes in rigid detail how horrible this experience is. And I'm not a laughing at the experience because I know how life altering this is, I giggle because we all seem to refuse that the problem is us and the way we handle ourselves emotionally. When in fact, that's the biggest problem of all.

So you see, we "describe," we don't "feel." Okay sure, we may feel fear, anxiety, depression, uncertainty but more than anything we know we lost something precious don't we?

But believe it or not, the word "normal" actually has a very powerful feeling associated with It.

The word is: SAFE.

Normal feels safe. But I never see anyone describe it that way and you know why? Because it's a feeling and not a description.

Think very hard on this word because some of you are going to gloss over it like you always do but pay attention here cuz it's important. More than think about it -try to remember what it "feels" like to be safe. I'll bet you'll struggle with it what is "feels" like. You know how it should look like. You know how to describe it (maybe). But what it feels like? Hmm...

People who are not depersonalized feel and see the world as normal because they feel safe. Not safe from terrorism or violence per se but safe as a person. Think of our emotions and the feeling of safety or "normal" like a background foundational program on a computer. It's always there it making the computer run well and you don't know how important it is until it's gone. This is what you have done emotionally. That's how you know maybe a bit of you is really is broken. You couldn't handle so you had to a make a sacrifice and the sacrifice was feeling anything at all unfortunately that included the good feelings.

SO you were "safe" and now you aren't. Now why or how you lost is your ability to feel safe is the question. My guess is the reason(s) you don't feel safe is probably going to be a bit more complicated but this is your starting point.

Now you might be saying well how the F**K does that help me?? It's helps you because you (or we) my sweet, little dissociated pumpkins need to remember that we are traumatized. And feeling, knowing (and I mean truly knowing in your guts and bones) is very, very difficult for us. it's not our fault that is but IT IS.

So its not because we smoked weed (though I will say "weed" can absolutely help bring out dissociative states -but if it sets up shop chronically-you had a predisposition to it in the first place!) Depersonalization is a solution that helps us cope with that trauma. We don't do it consciously. Without getting into too much detail please look at some of my previous posts to see how this might have happened in your development.

Dissociation is a coping mechanism that trauma survivors use when situations in our lives are more than we can bear. It's up to you to find out what those circumstances mean for you emotionally and how best you can handle them. I wish I could tell you that it's going to be easy, I don't think it is. In fact, it hurts a lot before it gets better but when you well up a dam and it cracks there's going to be a flood for a while. You won't drown but it will suck.

You might not believe this but I believe DP was our protector at one time. It helped us cope with some rough stuff and in some ways I'm grateful to it. But what once helped us now hurts us and DP doesn't know it. It says, "Listen, I know you want to be "normal (or feel "safe") again but we have to stay hidden. You don't want to feel the bad stuff because it's bad. Trust me kid, we're better off this way."

It's a lie though. It doesn't mean to lie but it is. To be fair, the part of us that doesn't want to feel doesn't know that if we just release it we may actually feel better and for some us, we may be so damaged we might now know how even if we really wanted to.

The truth is, DP is lot how you feel about development, attachments, family and most of all yourself.

I hope you found this helpful
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