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Hello everybody.

To give you a little background of my DP/DR here is my story, I can assure you that I can relate to every single one of the posts I have found here.

A little over a year ago I was stoned and decided to meditate. I was 28 and I meditated daily, and did yoga, and felt great and complete and had a great life, living in Barcelona with my wife, starting my own business and generally feeling very good.

During that meditation, however, something was different. I went much deeper and then I saw my own insignificance and saw the deep meaninglessness of it all. A sense of the most intense panic overwhelmed me and I tried to get back to come out of the meditation as hard as I could, but to no avail. My hands were trembling, I was scared and could not get the experience and that realization out of my head.
I separated myself from reality it seemed. Life itself gave me fear. I could not feel anymore. There was only emptiness. All desire was gone. So was motivation, sex drive, joy and being able to live in the moment. I could not remember what it was like to feel alive or to be excited about the future. I felt like I was dead inside, like I killed a part of myself. The worst was when I was around my wife, who I KNEW I loved very much, but did not feel like it at all. I started hating myself and this life and blaming myself for not having feelings. I saw that she tried to help, but I did not feel a thing. The business I was starting became impossible to continue, because I did not see the point nor had the motivation. I was in a state of a constant bad trip, in a constant state of deep fear and discomfort. I would be afraid to go to sleep, then wake up at 4 in a panic attack, sometimes I would be able to get to sleep again and wake up in the morning with a sense of immense loss, emptiness, etc. I could go on and on.

I tried a lot of things to get out of it. Healing myself became my only goal in life. And I am finally starting to feel like I am really getting better.

One of the things I have realized first is that I was not nearly as happy with my life before DP as I had told myself. Maybe in that meditation that was what I understood, but I could not accept the emotions and the consequences of that realization, so I separated from the part of me that now knew that it was unhappy. So I tried as hard as possible to take the experience as a sign that I must change my life completely. But, of course, its hard to do when you don't want anything nor don't have any hope.. So I concentrated on things that will improve the symptoms first.

Out of countless things I have tried here is what helped:
1. Supplements (I am against taking drugs, but these work better) - DLPA 750 mg 3 times before lunch - helps with endorphines, helps accept your emotions and gives you a bit of a will to live, L-Tyrosine, 500mg 3 times before lunch, helps with motivation, 5-HTP 50mg 1-6 pills in the afternoons up to bedtime and if you wake up during the night, and in case of anxiety attacks. This is a great natural supplement that beats anti depressants and doesnt have side effects. It is great for anxiety, for panic and for feeling stuck. It is also great for sleeping, and for going back to sleep if you wake up in the middle of the night in a state of panic. GABA - This is a calming supplement. For me it made a huge difference as I had PTSD after the experience and I was in a constant state of sensitivity and alertness. This really helped. They sell them in candy form, so you can take it whenever you start to feel really stressed out. Being able to relax after a year of non stop straining alertness was a god send. You can get all these amino acids in a store such as Natural Grocers. I highly highly recommend it. I read about them in a book called The Mood Cure.
2. What helped me the most was a shamanic healing. It should really be #1, but I put it second as to not turn off skeptics. Like I said I was desperate and I tried everything. And I am glad I did. Here is what I got: It was an hour long session where I sat in the chair with my eyes closed and napped for most of the time, while Jake did energy work on me. All I can say is that the next morning was the first time I felt truly alive in a year. It was amazing, I was crying with Joy. After that experience I started to feel again. And it was very very painful, but It is infinitely better then not feeling at all... Jake is located around Boulder, CO. So, if you have an option to see him, please drop your superstitions, and, for your own sake, see him. 150$ to make you feel normal again.
Of course I am still recovering, but now I am just depressed and working thorough it, rather than being dead insde
3. Reiki - this helps immensely, but only for a few days. The greatest benefit is that those few days will give you some much needed hope.
4. Exersize and healthy eating. Exersize especially, feeling healthy is good, but even more importantly is the sense of achievement when you manage to go for a run.
5. Something I have only started recently but what seems to heal immensely is TRE. Google TRE PTSD and you will find plenty of information. Essentially it is a simple technique where you get your body to twitch, thus releasing trauma, without therapy or thinking. I think, in our case it could really work miracles. I do 15 min of this twitching a day and I have been sleeping much, much better.

Here are what I think to be the most accessible tools for all of us suffering from DP. Of course they can only assist in the healing process, for which YOU are responsible for, but the difference is night and day.

From everything I have learned about this condition first hand, I can say certainly that DP is a spiritual crisis, rather then a "disease" or a "disorder". Deep down we might have realized a bit of the truth about this existence, but that truth is so scary and unacceptable to our little egos, that we would rather live in denial in a state of constant fear than accept this what religions call Nirvana, or Salvation. So if we want to live complete lives again, the only way is forward, into the fear and into this realization. We will never be the same way as before the experience, but the reward on the other side of this wall of fear is bliss, unconditional love and deep peace.

For those of you open to more suggestions, check out the book The Power Of Now by Eckhart Tolle and look up A Course Of Miracles, which might shed some light on what really is going on with you.

I hope some of this information will be useful to you!

I wish you the best of luck,

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