[Stanx22]

*This is going to be a negative rant/vent*

I'm new here as my account implies, but i've been lurking here for a while. I'm 18 and i've suffered from DP for more than 2 years now with SEVERE memory loss and brain fog and my life is living hell because of it.

What i want to say, is that i lost hope. I know i have bad luck in every aspect of my life and it's not hard for me to realize that my DP will never get better. I've seen some guys here who've had it for more than 30 years and i know that i'll be the same because i've always had bad luck. Don't get me wrong, i know it's curable and there's a way outta this, but just not for me. I've lost hope for quite a while now and given up on life and i'm just rotting in my room 24/7 and doing nothing because i'm just not fit enough for life. I even have problems WORSE than DP in my life, so what hope do i have ? No hope, only despair and misery.

Most people will eventually find a way out of this hell, but i'll stay there forever until someone puts me out of my misery. I even nearly drowned 5 days ago and i felt NOTHING, i didn't even call for help, that's how fucked up and emotionless i'am, that even facing death didn't matter to me. If i saw my whole family getting killed in front of me i'd feel absolutely nothing, because i just can't feel anything anymore, my brain is resigned to the fact that it's over and nothing matters anymore and my emotions are non-existent. If this is me at 18, how would i be at like 30 or something (if i even survived that long) ? I'd be AT LEAST a complete sociopath by that time. Am i even human at this point ? I really don't know, the only thing that i know is that i was born to suffer.

 

[Amethysteyes]

Hey. Firstly, welcome to the forums!
I developed dpdr along with a bunch of other shit, even psychosis when i turned 18 three years ago but im getting older now and those things are starting to lift or at least get easier to deal with.

Youve definently sunk into a depressed hole that you have no hope of escaping from and i totally related to that in the midst of it all.

I recently recovered from the dpdr. I still have all my other issues but i wanna tell you that being stagnant is like poison for this condition. The things you gotta do is keep getting out and doing stuff that you arnt yet present with, espessially stuff that makes you get out of your comfort zone. I was in my room for months doing nothing but worrying and going crazy and shit but you need to find ways to focus on other trains of thought (which is incredibly hard i know).
Feeling numb to everything is super normal in this. For a while, i knew it was wrong but i literally could not feel empathy or love for even family members and thought it was strange i wouldnt care if something happened to them. But thats normal numbness for dpdr.
Lucks got nothing to do with recovery. Trust me on this. Its a mental illness which means you gotta work on recovery as it doesnt come easily and requires alot of self analyzing and rebuilding yourself.
Once youve hit rock bottom, theres only one way to go and thats up my friend.
Ask yourself what you really want right now and build up from there.

 

[anitas]

Sorry you have to deal with this ,I agree with you its horrible ,only if I could find the energy to get out of "my room" I would ,im constantly dizzy and and other symptoms going on ,believe me it affected my memory too very bad and I would like to know why but no one seems to find an answer ,to be honest I never knew something like this was possible to exist it happened so fast for me and like you my hope is gone but we have to keep fighting no matter how hard it is ...

 

[Pondererer]

Relateable

 

[Pondererer]

Relateable

 

[Chip1021]

Hey, I feel for you. I really do. I wish I could help you or give you platitudes like "I promise you will get better", but I can't do that. I don't make promises unless I'm sure I can keep them (which these days means I don't make promises at all). And I'm still dealing with this too.

The one thing I did want to comment on is this. I don't know whether you will or will not get out of this, or why you have it in the first place, but the one thing I can say is that luck has nothing to do with it. There is a reason why we are like this, even if you aren't sure of that reason. Maybe it's biology, maybe it's some strange way of talking to ourselves. In my case at least, I don't know. And as for getting out of it, I still try some new things, but I don't have high expectations at this point. I've grown to accept it, as long as I'm at least sleeping most nights. But whether or not I get out of it, there will be reasons for it, it won't just happen out of good or bad fortune.

I don't know if that made you feel better or worse. I just wanted to add my input on how I see it. Take it if it helps, discard it if it doesn't.