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2I have lost all connection with humanity. I struggled with OCD and suspected I have DP but I no longer think this is the case. I want to go back to who I was before but I fear this is no longer possible. I have lost all my emotions. I do not even understand the concept of emotions anymore and see no point in them. I don't believe in God either.

A week ago I was just sitting down and playing video games when random intrusive thoughts popped into my head. My thoughts went from one topic to another. About whether life is suffering or not, whether humans are naturally evil, whether aliens have the same the same emotions we do, one after another more thoughts entered my head. Until finally a concept entered my head, nihilism. Since then what little emotions I had ceased to be. Im used to having very weak emotions but at least before last week I was able to take some joy in life and care about others. Now that is lost.

Even as an atheist I believed that there was a point to life but now after all the thoughts that bombarded my mind I am left seeing humans including my self as mindless robots programmed by evolution and evolution only. Thing I used I did not subscribe to this line of thinking before. I would read philosophy book by a philosopher Raymond Tallis who believed humans were more than just robots and deserved happiness. Now his books no longer comfort me. As some level I agree with him but my mind is numb to his words.

I now see humans and their emotions as worthless and pointless. Human life isn't important. Nothing is. Humans make no sense to me anymore. Emotions make no sense to me anymore. The way people behave make no sense anymore. Things I took joy in make no sense anymore. Everything humans do seem animalistic to me.

But I used to not be this way. Despite it making no sense to me now, I enjoyed life before. I spent the last 3 days doing nothing but searching the internet trying to find counter arguments to the thoughts and feelings that are inside me. But I came up with nothing. I don't want to be this way but I'm afraid that this isn't ocd or dp and I have come to a new perception in life. That this is who I am now and the human within me has died forever. I will never be able to understand humans anymore or understand and reconnect with my emotions. I have become a monster. The only thoughts in my head is now how worthless everything is and I can't make it stop or disagree with it. Everytime I try to read a counterargument the feeling and perception won't go away

I want to go back. I don't like this. But I don't know what to do. If only I could start over again and go back to my innocence as a child. I have no intention to hurt anyone but I have no intention to do anything. I don't see the point of carrying on. I feel so empty. I feel like a sociopath. Why did this happen to me? I wasno like this before last week. I always have been a bit on the intelligent side so maybe I have seen through the illusion of human values? I want to go back so bad
 

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I understand what you're saying, so much. I've been there, my worst DPDR period. The 'cannot feel anything' and 'cannot understand how people do'

You said reading counter-arguments doesn't make you feel anything different. That's because you want it to so bad, but it is nothing instantaneous.

Seems to me there's a lot of obsession over the fact you cannot feel or make sense out of things, which makes it worse to a degree it wouldn't have been otherwise.

I can just tell you one thing: it can get better.

Life doesn't have an inherent meaning; the 'meaning' or value to it can be possessed by feeling. That is why you cannot make sense of it all. Because of your DPDR you don't feel emotions, which make up the human life experience. Life isn't meant to be lived objectively, you can ponder upon its objectivity but living it that way is a completely different thing. I've learned the value of emotions with my experience with DPDR. How dumb all the glorifying of "rationality" over emotions and incredibly unrealistic. We experience life subjectively, and when you're deprived of that it's as if you're no longer human.

You mentioned it's been a week. You're lucky in that aspect. Stop obsessing over what you're going through, loosen up, let it go. Change your environment that you've been obsessing in and get some fresh air.
 

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I now see humans and their emotions as worthless and pointless. Human life isn't important. Nothing is. Humans make no sense to me anymore. Emotions make no sense to me anymore. The way people behave make no sense anymore. Things I took joy in make no sense anymore. Everything humans do seem animalistic to me.
It's about context:

Is human life important to the universe? No, I can't see why it would be. Is it important to the planet. No, rather the planet would be better off without humans. Is it important to humans? Yes, it is.

Also, humans are fundamentally animals. They just happen to be comparatively smart. Perhaps there is no objective meaning of life. That doesn't stop people from coming up with their own meaning or illusion of meaning-or like ReiTheySay said, *feeling* that meaning. Does it matter if that meaning isn't objective from a metaphysical standpoint? There's no reason to throw this life away just because you can't find answers to some unanswerable questions. Life matters in the context of this one life, that much is guaranteed. On top of that, life may indeed have that objective meaning. You can't possibly know that either.

There's potential meaning either way, either subjective or objective.

I will never be able to understand humans anymore
If you understood them at one point, then you still have the capability to understand them: even if you don't feel emotions, you have the knowledge and firsthand experience of how emotions work. Feeling emotions and understanding them aren't mutually inclusive. Having DP/DR doesn't affect that rational understanding.
 
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