G
Guest
·Well I haven't made a post here in quite sometime so I figured i'd make one because i have a few things I want to say and a few concerns as well.
Its starting to become apparent to me that an actual physical " cure" for DP/DR and everything else is most likely impossible. In a few weeks, it is going to be the ONE YEAR anniversary( which i hate saying because your suppose to apply anniversary's to happy things in most cases) that I have known about whats wrong with me. Over this time span, i have tried many different medications, the only one that seems to help is Klonopin. Currently i am tapering off of Paxil because it really did NOTHING for me, just like every other medication ive tried over the past year. Its really quite depressing.
I honestly have no idea how I make it through each day, i really don't. To be completely honest with everyone, there have been times where I have come to this website in the past few months and have come on this part of the forums and read the posts and felt that they were pathetic and that people constantly post about the same exact thing. But than I realized that I did that for a while and basically its all apart of this scary horrific hell that we have to live with each day.
I remember various people telling me that you have to move on with your life and keep going. Well I have done that, I try to give myself as many distractions as possible, I go out almost every night, I go to school, I work, I have even managed to finally get the music thing going. Yet I still feel miserable. This fact alone is starting to make me think that infact there is no cure, that there is no way to get better, that I will be stuck feeling like this until I am dead. Really I feel like a miserable bastard half the time. Its like at times I don't give a fuck about anything, things just don't faze me.
Anyways, I have a few concerns that I would like to address in this post.
1. This upcomming Monday I will be going to my therapists place where there will be about 10 other therapists or so. I guess they have this group that meets once a month, and what they do is each therapist presents a case and they discuss it and offer suggestions to each other. Well my case has already been presented and they were the ones who suggested the MRI/Brain Scan, which I had done, and everything turned out fine. Well my therapist told me that they wanted to actually start bringing the actual CLIENTS to these meetings and that he was giving me the first opportunity to go. With my therapist, kind of like the last one,it comes down to this. As far as ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, he knows what to do and how to treat it and what to say etc etc. But when i explain to him the Derealization and such, he is familiar with it in textbook terms etc. But he even told me himself that he doesn't know how to exactly approach dealing with it. He hopes that by me going to this therapist meeting that some of the others there will be able to give some good insight??????? Personally im expecting that I will probably get nothing out of it, but who knows, its worth a shot right????????????? The ironic part of this, is that my FIRST therapist is actually apart of the group and will most likely be there. This kind of leads me to believe that the others might be in the same boat she was when I was going to see her.
2. Unfortunatly my psychiatrist, who I considered to be a very good one, LEFT. He's gone, he was offered a full time job at a big university to teach and he obviously took the opportunity. He was one of the few people who I truly think understood what was going on with me, and if he really didn't he did a hell of a job of making believe that he did. Well a new psychiatrist is taking over his practice, and hes suppose to be very good as well. I think I am going to go see him to see what his deal is. Well my therapist knows all of this and at our last meeting this week, he gave me a suggestion. He suggested that maybe I should go get what they call a SCID Evaluation. Which I guess is the most comprehensive and extensive psychological evalutaion modern psychiatry offers. Apparently it is a 4 hour evaluation from about 10 psychiatrists. And what they do after evaluating you, is send you to a Psychiatrist who they feel fits your needs the most. Has anyone ever had this done here??? Im kind of sceptical of this as well.
The thing that frustrates me so much about this shit, is that if I were say Schizophrenic, or psychotic, Doctors could say OK THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, TAKE THIS MEDICATION, DO THIS AND THIS IS HOW YOU CAN GET BETTER. Noone thus far has been able to do that for me & probably most of you hence the reason I feel like the fuckin oddball of the mental illness world. This here is the big MYSTERY " condition". I mean its obvious that its apart of anxiety & depression but other than that, what is it??????????????
I dunno, this post is gettin long now So i am going to end it, But i just thought i'd tell you that i have about 2 percent of HOPE left that I will recover from WHATEVER IT IS THAT I HAVE???????????????????????
Peace
Its starting to become apparent to me that an actual physical " cure" for DP/DR and everything else is most likely impossible. In a few weeks, it is going to be the ONE YEAR anniversary( which i hate saying because your suppose to apply anniversary's to happy things in most cases) that I have known about whats wrong with me. Over this time span, i have tried many different medications, the only one that seems to help is Klonopin. Currently i am tapering off of Paxil because it really did NOTHING for me, just like every other medication ive tried over the past year. Its really quite depressing.
I honestly have no idea how I make it through each day, i really don't. To be completely honest with everyone, there have been times where I have come to this website in the past few months and have come on this part of the forums and read the posts and felt that they were pathetic and that people constantly post about the same exact thing. But than I realized that I did that for a while and basically its all apart of this scary horrific hell that we have to live with each day.
I remember various people telling me that you have to move on with your life and keep going. Well I have done that, I try to give myself as many distractions as possible, I go out almost every night, I go to school, I work, I have even managed to finally get the music thing going. Yet I still feel miserable. This fact alone is starting to make me think that infact there is no cure, that there is no way to get better, that I will be stuck feeling like this until I am dead. Really I feel like a miserable bastard half the time. Its like at times I don't give a fuck about anything, things just don't faze me.
Anyways, I have a few concerns that I would like to address in this post.
1. This upcomming Monday I will be going to my therapists place where there will be about 10 other therapists or so. I guess they have this group that meets once a month, and what they do is each therapist presents a case and they discuss it and offer suggestions to each other. Well my case has already been presented and they were the ones who suggested the MRI/Brain Scan, which I had done, and everything turned out fine. Well my therapist told me that they wanted to actually start bringing the actual CLIENTS to these meetings and that he was giving me the first opportunity to go. With my therapist, kind of like the last one,it comes down to this. As far as ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, he knows what to do and how to treat it and what to say etc etc. But when i explain to him the Derealization and such, he is familiar with it in textbook terms etc. But he even told me himself that he doesn't know how to exactly approach dealing with it. He hopes that by me going to this therapist meeting that some of the others there will be able to give some good insight??????? Personally im expecting that I will probably get nothing out of it, but who knows, its worth a shot right????????????? The ironic part of this, is that my FIRST therapist is actually apart of the group and will most likely be there. This kind of leads me to believe that the others might be in the same boat she was when I was going to see her.
2. Unfortunatly my psychiatrist, who I considered to be a very good one, LEFT. He's gone, he was offered a full time job at a big university to teach and he obviously took the opportunity. He was one of the few people who I truly think understood what was going on with me, and if he really didn't he did a hell of a job of making believe that he did. Well a new psychiatrist is taking over his practice, and hes suppose to be very good as well. I think I am going to go see him to see what his deal is. Well my therapist knows all of this and at our last meeting this week, he gave me a suggestion. He suggested that maybe I should go get what they call a SCID Evaluation. Which I guess is the most comprehensive and extensive psychological evalutaion modern psychiatry offers. Apparently it is a 4 hour evaluation from about 10 psychiatrists. And what they do after evaluating you, is send you to a Psychiatrist who they feel fits your needs the most. Has anyone ever had this done here??? Im kind of sceptical of this as well.
The thing that frustrates me so much about this shit, is that if I were say Schizophrenic, or psychotic, Doctors could say OK THIS IS WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, TAKE THIS MEDICATION, DO THIS AND THIS IS HOW YOU CAN GET BETTER. Noone thus far has been able to do that for me & probably most of you hence the reason I feel like the fuckin oddball of the mental illness world. This here is the big MYSTERY " condition". I mean its obvious that its apart of anxiety & depression but other than that, what is it??????????????
I dunno, this post is gettin long now So i am going to end it, But i just thought i'd tell you that i have about 2 percent of HOPE left that I will recover from WHATEVER IT IS THAT I HAVE???????????????????????
Peace
