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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
It all started when I was about 10-11 years old. I was playing in the garden with some kids, when suddenly everything changed. It was as if the light changed, making things seem unreal, and I felt that nothing made sense. It didn't last very long, but I have never forgotten the incident.

Years later, when I was in High School, I felt strangely different and wrong compared to the other kids. I was very quiet and anxious. I felt strange walking around in the city, as if I was fleeing from something. Also, my body felt strange.

At age 20, I moved to the "big city" to attend University. The first years went really well and I was feeling better.

At age 25 my girlfriend breaks up with me and everything changes again. She was very important to me, but I had closed her out from my thoughts and pushed her away from me. I think of suicide for the first time, and start to read self-help books, which only makes things worse! It is as if I become a prisoner of my mind. The outside world matters very little to me. I walk through the streets in a mixture of anxiety and dreamlike reality.

When I'm 28, things get worse. I feel very weird and I'm convinced that I'm going insane. I go to see my doctor, who tells me I have a depression. He gives me some pills, but they don't work very well. A year after, a social worker, who had been on "my case", sends me to a psychiatric centre. They tell me that I have a schizophrenic disorder, and give me some Zyprexa. After a couple of days, I feel my thought clearing up. It is as if I can think again, and I feel much better. I finish my master's degree in science and get a really good job. Things go well for about 4-5 years.

Then suddenly, at a meeting in the company in which I work, I get this strange weird/unreal feeling, as I everything is a dream. It goes away after 1-2 hours, but it scares me. After that, things start to go wrong at work. I can't concentrate on what I'm doing, and let others do my work. It gets worse, and in May 2002, I leave my job. I've tried to go back, but it's just the same thing over and over again.

The doctors try different types of medication: Zyprexa, Risperdal, Zeldox, Solean and Abilfy, but nothing really makes a difference. In 2003 I get worse again, and the DP/DR symptoms become very obvious. In September 2004 it gets worse again - anxiety, and a feeling of dreamlike weirdness and unreality.

At the moment, I don't have a job. When I get up in the morning, the symptoms are almost gone. But around 2pm, or sometimes around 6pm, I start feeling really weird again. I also feel a lot of anxiety. For example, I don't like leaving the house, or going very far away from home. It's better when there's someone with me. I take one or two Clonazepam every day, and it helps, but I'm afraid to get addicted to them!

Discussion Starter · #2 ·

After reading your story I doubt your are schizophrenic..... do you hear voices? See things? THAT is the schizo.

I wonder why doctors made all diagnosis like that. I am happy that Zyprexa helped you, but say to yourself you can't have a job, girlfriend and all the stuff when shizo. Really rare.....

Cynthia :)

Discussion Starter · #3 ·
Hi Cynthia,

yeah, I doubt it myself! But I've talked to different psychiatrists during the last 7 years and they all say the same. But they could be wrong. The next time I meet my psychiatrist, I will ask her "Could it be, that this is not schizofrenia at all, but "just" a derealization disorder?" I don't think she will believe me!

I don't know what to believe myself! But I'm glad that I've found out that there's something called a "derealization disorder" and that I've got it! I mean, before I found out I thought that I was going crazy or loosing my mind. But now, I can relax a bit and say to myself "this is called a derealization disorder. It makes me feel weird and unreal, but it's not dangerous and i'm not loosing my mind, others have it too"

Anyway, I'm glad that you wanted to share your thoughts on this!
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