The start of my story

So here it goes, my story. I am currently on summer break and was planning on enjoying the whole thing, well we know that didn't happen. I never had intentions on smoking weed but when I was introduced by a good friend of mine that he currently had marijuana cookies I was willing to try it out. I had never heard anything bad about weed so I decided to try it out. We had only one cookie which had about a gram in it which was split into a third so everybody was able to have some but idk why but it was only me and my buddy that night so it didn't kick in for a while so I went outside because we had a big crowd that night but that's when it hit me (this was about an hour later). My vision started fading in and out and had to have someone hold me for a short bit so that i could get inside.Give it a few minutes and I really started to enjoy myself. Me and my buddy's drank that night and had fun.

So then again about two weeks later i decided since i enjoyed myself so much i would buy a gram off a buddy of mine and we smoked and had a great time. During the summer i decided i was going to start smoking daily. Which allowed me to enjoy this summer a lot but it wasn't until I bought 3 grams from a cousin of mine in the big cities. That night I called a buddy of mine and went to the same place night which I thought i would have a good time. Bought a few bowls and a bong from my cousin and smoked a lot that night.So this is where i think my story should start i was in the car with my good buddy of mine and i was going on to about my 6th or 7th bowl that day at which i decided to pack a huge bowl which my buddy was kinda a low weight and ended up throwing up and felt bad on since i pressured him into trying this huge packed bowl so i hit that bowl twice and packed it again and that's where i think it started had a bad high.

Before it started we were about to go and pick up some people/ drop off don't know don't care, got in the car and as we started to get moving i noticed my vision getting really weird i can't pinpoint exactly when I started to notice this change so it messes with me sometimes. This vision i was noticing was like i was seeing my current moment in frames like a slow stuttered film. In which i'm only know realizing this but my vision was having issues processing what it was i was seeing every half a second or so if i moved my eyes 4 frames or so it would take to see what it was i was looking at which fucked with me and made me have a panic attack. I had to stay at the toilet for the night and thought i would feel better in the morning. It took a few days to get better which it did so after i continued smoking and enjoyed myself but limited to only one or two one hitters so i would only enjoy myself.

But when one of my favorite betas for a game came out i decided it would be great idea to smoke 2 bowls from my bong which that's when i fucked up and has messed with me since. I noticed the same vision when i went to reach for my drink which if you can imagine reaching your drink whilst only seeing frame by frame about 4 frames would freak you out but tried to control it. Had the worst panic attack where my heart was racing but I tried to ignore it and play my, which was very hard so I just went to sleep. So then I wake up in the middle of the night and can't sleep recalling what I just experienced and still felt kinda weird so i decided to stay awake and watch some youtube but after 5 min into my video i noticed that weird vision again which continued for days i would wake up and just have this really bad delayed vision and couldn't focus on anything so my heart rate would increase and I couldn't do anything but watch and panic as it happened. SO one morning it got so bad Had to give in and tell mymom what I had been doing with my life the past 4 months. So I went to the ER and didn't give them the full description i just told them i had been smoking, couldn't sleep, and was paranoid. I just thought i was really tired and thats why i felt weird. So that's when I later learned I have Depersonalization/Derealization which i will go into full detail as to how i feel.

- Not in the moment, the world is unreal
- Thoughts of how insignificant life possibly is
- My vision feels weird and as if I am watching a 24/7 movie
- Don't feel in control of my body
- Peripheral vision messes with me
- Depth perception feels off
- A continues high feeling but without the euphoria
- My senses feel delayed (touch, sight, hearing)
- My voice sounds echoed when i speak and unfamiliar
- Everything's unfamiliar but i can remember direction and area (24/7 deja vu)
- When i change my direction of sight it takes a second to register what im seeing
- Constant Brain Fog
- Forgetfulness
- When I look at my hands they don't feel like mine

Out of all the symptoms the delay in vision and feeling really mess with me there maybe a tingling or continues feeling after letting go, moving my hand i can't tell. Im constantly having to touch and move my hands together for comfort. When i try to0 look at something there's a delay as to what im looking at my brain registers it slowly. This makes my reaction time slow. Im only 4 weeks into this problem and can be very frightening and is hard to sleep when i notice these things when i wake up. I've recently had an increase in my anxiety which before all of this i guess i really never have a great amount of anxiety. I'll add more later.