i think you guys are talking about two different types of visualization here.
one, a productive kind, is where you say "hey, i want to achieve this goal in life" and you imagine yourself doing it.
a less productive kind would be to say "hey, I'm going to be famous for this."
I don't know if it's necessarily BAD, but something important to be brought up...it says some things about you and your personality if anything.
I think there's also a difference between the occasional dream of seeing your name in lights, in the sense that its something you hope for but aren't life-or-death set on, and the constant conviction that soon everybody will see how famous you are.
The revenge thing, in my opinion, is slightly more dangerous; I do it sometimes but not as much as I used to...a lot of that has improved by re-forming relationships with a lot of the people these revenge fantasies were about, if possible. Sometimes when I'm more tired or something I have them. It's kind of like a cover-up, a way to get SOMETHING good out of feeling so bad or powerless about something. But you don't have to feel as bad as you think you do in the first place. One of the things is to keep trying to remind yourself that YOU are the one responsible for the situations in your life, not these people. I read in a book once: Be the board. Meaning, often we view ourselves and others as players on a gameboard. But if you view yourself as the WHOLE board, in the sense that you internalize all those actions and say "i was responsible for my part in this situation, I am only mad because i let them get as far as they did or because I couldn't change them to NOT do what they did, i couldn't control them, and this situation probably isn't even the real problem anyway"...basically view yourself as the whole board, the one responsible for everything that goes on in your life.
There are some instances where someone does something maliciously towards you, and intends it. The best thing you can do is forgive them. I still stand by forgiving them in person, or apologizing for your part in the problem (well, if insurance or attorneys are involved don't apologize! but for more everyday situations, try to talk it out with them). A female rabbi stated in her book that one must attempt THREE times, IN PERSON, to make contact with whom they are mad at, to make amends. If this person was just some total jerk I wouldn't bother, but if it was a family member or a friend, definitely try it.
Through forgiveness, re-forming relationships, and taking responsiblity for your feelings and your part in the situation, taking TOTAL responsibility for how you feel no matter how bad the feeling is, not only do you gain more power and confidence but the person's importance diminishes in your mind. And when you have more power and confidence and self assurance, you will have less fantasies about seeking revenge on the world or certain people.
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i guess to elaborate on the "famous" fantasies, that is more tricky but my personal experience and advice is this: if you have a fantasy about something like singing, acting, performing, writing, anything...try it out in real life. go to an audition no matter how small. sing on stage. sing karaoke in a bar. submit your writing to a contest. or even a publishing company! If you wallow all day in those fantasies and never try those things in reality, that is where it gets dangerous as you're using those fantasies to replace reality. But if you have the burning desire to star in a play, do the steps it takes to get there.
Part of what you learn in DP is something most people may not be lucky enough to grasp (or will they?): this is the chance to examine those fantasies and actually sort through and see which ones you want to try in real life, and go for things that you probably would have never attempted before when you were in a world of comfort.
I think part of dp is a warning sign that you have spent too much time dreaming about doing things and never actually doing them. and you substitute fantasy for reality until you can't tell them apart.
I noticed after a re-read your fantasies that you mentioned were based on achievements you already have done blown to a larger proportion. I'm not sure about that one, I'll think about it though.
Something that did concern me is this:
"I re-create an imaginary version of a real incident the way I would like it to happen (of fource the imaginary version is to my advantage and is crediting me). "
I think on many levels that is normal, but be wary of if you are REFUSING to accept the reality of what has happened...
if, for example, you were constantly fantasizing that your lover never left you, that could be rather bad...
but if you are talking about something like "man, I wish in that interview I had done this and this instead of what I did"
that would be more normal.
i also read somewhere that fantasies are a normal coping mechanism to buffer us from very strong feelings, but do not wallow in them. A fleeting one on the drive home is different from staying in bed all day re-creating the situation.
one, a productive kind, is where you say "hey, i want to achieve this goal in life" and you imagine yourself doing it.
a less productive kind would be to say "hey, I'm going to be famous for this."
I don't know if it's necessarily BAD, but something important to be brought up...it says some things about you and your personality if anything.
I think there's also a difference between the occasional dream of seeing your name in lights, in the sense that its something you hope for but aren't life-or-death set on, and the constant conviction that soon everybody will see how famous you are.
The revenge thing, in my opinion, is slightly more dangerous; I do it sometimes but not as much as I used to...a lot of that has improved by re-forming relationships with a lot of the people these revenge fantasies were about, if possible. Sometimes when I'm more tired or something I have them. It's kind of like a cover-up, a way to get SOMETHING good out of feeling so bad or powerless about something. But you don't have to feel as bad as you think you do in the first place. One of the things is to keep trying to remind yourself that YOU are the one responsible for the situations in your life, not these people. I read in a book once: Be the board. Meaning, often we view ourselves and others as players on a gameboard. But if you view yourself as the WHOLE board, in the sense that you internalize all those actions and say "i was responsible for my part in this situation, I am only mad because i let them get as far as they did or because I couldn't change them to NOT do what they did, i couldn't control them, and this situation probably isn't even the real problem anyway"...basically view yourself as the whole board, the one responsible for everything that goes on in your life.
There are some instances where someone does something maliciously towards you, and intends it. The best thing you can do is forgive them. I still stand by forgiving them in person, or apologizing for your part in the problem (well, if insurance or attorneys are involved don't apologize! but for more everyday situations, try to talk it out with them). A female rabbi stated in her book that one must attempt THREE times, IN PERSON, to make contact with whom they are mad at, to make amends. If this person was just some total jerk I wouldn't bother, but if it was a family member or a friend, definitely try it.
Through forgiveness, re-forming relationships, and taking responsiblity for your feelings and your part in the situation, taking TOTAL responsibility for how you feel no matter how bad the feeling is, not only do you gain more power and confidence but the person's importance diminishes in your mind. And when you have more power and confidence and self assurance, you will have less fantasies about seeking revenge on the world or certain people.
--------
i guess to elaborate on the "famous" fantasies, that is more tricky but my personal experience and advice is this: if you have a fantasy about something like singing, acting, performing, writing, anything...try it out in real life. go to an audition no matter how small. sing on stage. sing karaoke in a bar. submit your writing to a contest. or even a publishing company! If you wallow all day in those fantasies and never try those things in reality, that is where it gets dangerous as you're using those fantasies to replace reality. But if you have the burning desire to star in a play, do the steps it takes to get there.
Part of what you learn in DP is something most people may not be lucky enough to grasp (or will they?): this is the chance to examine those fantasies and actually sort through and see which ones you want to try in real life, and go for things that you probably would have never attempted before when you were in a world of comfort.
I think part of dp is a warning sign that you have spent too much time dreaming about doing things and never actually doing them. and you substitute fantasy for reality until you can't tell them apart.
I noticed after a re-read your fantasies that you mentioned were based on achievements you already have done blown to a larger proportion. I'm not sure about that one, I'll think about it though.
Something that did concern me is this:
"I re-create an imaginary version of a real incident the way I would like it to happen (of fource the imaginary version is to my advantage and is crediting me). "
I think on many levels that is normal, but be wary of if you are REFUSING to accept the reality of what has happened...
if, for example, you were constantly fantasizing that your lover never left you, that could be rather bad...
but if you are talking about something like "man, I wish in that interview I had done this and this instead of what I did"
that would be more normal.
i also read somewhere that fantasies are a normal coping mechanism to buffer us from very strong feelings, but do not wallow in them. A fleeting one on the drive home is different from staying in bed all day re-creating the situation.
