Thaks everyone for participating. It is very important to me. Processing (and solving) this issue will result a great victory in this war I am into.
I don't know if it's necessarily BAD, but something important to be brought up...it says some things about you and your personality if anything.
Tell me what it means about me and my personality. That's why I posted this text. I am trying to kill this thing.
I think there's also a difference between the occasional dream of seeing your name in lights, in the sense that its something you hope for but aren't life-or-death set on, and the constant conviction that soon everybody will see how famous you are.
I, frequently, see my name in the lights. Not for something that has to do with art, like painting, music, acting, etc; but for personality features, like an article, a scientific application, and other stuff like that. The thought that "soon everybody will se how famous I am" is not present in me. But, as you saw, I said "frequently" and not "occasionally".
The "fame" thing that you mentioned above, is quite "macro", while (about) 50% of my thoughts are for "micro" stuff. For instance: when I am saying something that is correct (that is "right") and people around (for instance my company of friends) see and admit that is correct, I get this weird feeling of cediting that I can't get rid of
Like a shudder causing me boast/pride.
person3]he revenge thing said:
One of the things is to keep trying to remind yourself that YOU are the one responsible for the situations in your life, not these people.
Yes, you are right. I was suspecting this sentense in the background but it was only after I read it that I realised that this is the reason I am having this revenge thing. Because the revenge is sometimes a burst for other things that bother me (general things).
I read in a book once: Be the board. Meaning, often we view ourselves and others as players on a gameboard. But if you view yourself as the WHOLE board, in the sense that you internalize all those actions and say "i was responsible for my part in this situation, I am only mad because i let them get as far as they did or because I couldn't change them to NOT do what they did, i couldn't control them, and this situation probably isn't even the real problem anyway"...basically view yourself as the whole board, the one responsible for everything that goes on in your life.
That's a good idea, for people who try to give responsibility for everything to others (I am such a person). But the optimal is to examine each situation and see whether it was or wasn't in your control.
There are some instances where someone does something maliciously towards you, and intends it. The best thing you can do is forgive them. I still stand by forgiving them in person, or apologizing for your part in the problem
Well, if I have "hurt" them (economically, justice, etc), they may be justified to seek revenge (a real one, not the one I dream about). But if I haven't hurt them, then, thet either do it out of profit or they are crazy (easy characterization... they just might try to burst in me what someone else did to them). In this case, I can't forgive them. I can deliver justice inside my head, but not the imaginary revenge. I will say "this person was unfair with me. Poor man, he doesn't understand what is justice".
A female rabbi stated in her book that one must attempt THREE times, IN PERSON, to make contact with whom they are mad at, to make amends. If this person was just some total jerk I wouldn't bother, but if it was a family member or a friend, definitely try it.
Through forgiveness, re-forming relationships, and taking responsiblity for your feelings and your part in the situation, taking TOTAL responsibility for how you feel no matter how bad the feeling is, not only do you gain more power and confidence but the person's importance diminishes in your mind.
Again, YES! I think that this is the reason that this achknowledgement-and-crediting thing has declined a bit: I am now starting taking SOME responsibility.
i guess to elaborate on the "famous" fantasies, that is more tricky but my personal experience and advice is this: if you have a fantasy about something like singing, acting, performing, writing, anything...try it out in real life. go to an audition no matter how small. sing on stage. sing karaoke in a bar. submit your writing to a contest. or even a publishing company! If you wallow all day in those fantasies and never try those things in reality, that is where it gets dangerous as you're using those fantasies to replace reality. But if you have the burning desire to star in a play, do the steps it takes to get there.
Well, there is a novel I am working on, but it is actually for fun, I don't know if I will ever finish it or try to publish it. I have also have a big collection of essays and I really have this itch getting them published, but then I am thinking that it's not good material. It's just that sometimes, I get this thought of what could happen if I got them published.
The "artist" (actor, musician, etc) imaginations have "hit" me too. And I am still struggling to kill it. It is very clear why I have imagined those things: those people are projected and the audience "loves" them. That is what I seeked.
I think part of dp is a warning sign that you have spent too much time dreaming about doing things and never actually doing them. and you substitute fantasy for reality until you can't tell them apart.
Yes, for some people, like me, it's this one.
I re-create an imaginary version of a real incident the way I would like it to happen (of fource the imaginary version is to my advantage and is crediting me).
I think on many levels that is normal, but be wary of if you are REFUSING to accept the reality of what has happened...
Well, here is some examples:
1. I really did behave bad when that girl approached me. I re-create the scene with me behaving correctly.
2. I should have talked to that girl, but I didn't. I re-create the scene the way I wanted it to happen.
3. When the teacher asked something, noone could answer it. I re-create the scene with me giving an exceedingly sufficient answer. And of cource, the rest of audience would admire me :| I feel so bad when I get this kind of thought.
Person3, your whole post was a "bull's eye"
If you're daydreaming about it, or visualizing/imagining it, then it's a strong enough part of your awareness that it something worth exploring/fixing/facing.
Absolutely agree with you Ben.
This thread could get very, very deep, potentially - but I think it all boils down to this: unfinished business.
I wish it does. It would help me enormously, and I assume that it would help other people too.
that is a big point. ... said that "we may be over with the past, but the past is not over with us". I think that "unfinished business" is "the past may be over with me, but I am not over with it". And when I am thinking about it well-enought, it is sad and lonely to imagine things that happened in the past (maybe, even 10 years ago). Everybody else that you, unhesitatingly, use in your imagination, has left this scene behind, but you still stay there. Re-playing the same play, again and again, trying to find something. Maybe a piece of my lost pride and my self-confidence. Sometimes I even do it because it is sad. And this, is a whole new branch of the issue.