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The problem with Consultations

606 Views 1 Reply 1 Participant Last post by  university girl
I walked into my agent's office early one morning last week. I wore a dark purple (they call it 'eggplant' in the snazzy stores) rayon suit with a burgundy, black and dark green paisley blouse. My hair was shiny and in perfect place - had on a designer pearl gold-leafed necklace and a thin black bracelet with a strip of gold in it. Black Armani boots, and a black and dark green bag.

This agent has only met me three times (3) and last week as I walked in he said " you are always so elegant - even this early in the morning!"


I'm not elegant. LOL

I may have elegance IN me, (somewhere, deeply buried lol) but I do know how to put together a great costume and play a part.

Ask ANYone who knows me (even remotely, lol...ask Dreamer, or anyone here who has met me, lol)....I am really a shabby-chic dresser - or punkish with black ripped jeans and oversize sweaters with lingerie straps showing as they fall off my shoulders. I am NOT "elegant."

My point? When we go to a brief consultation with a doctor, that doctor is NOT SEEING us as we are. We are, just like me, wearing a costume, and playing a part - trying to get help, yes, but also trying VERY very hard to not look crazy. We are in such conflict about how much of our "insanity" we let ANYONE see (even a doctor) and we spend alot of time fooling those professionals when we're sitting there talking to them.

Ask yourself: is the way I was with that doctor the same way I am at home? With my family? With my friends? When I'm alone in bed and scared? Was that "elegant" person who sat there and talked so logically and calmly really giving an accurate picture of what my inner life is like (and what my real interactions with other people are like?)

THAT is what is wrong with "consultations." There is only a TINY bit that any doctor can see from what amounts to an interview. In real therapy - a couple of times a week, there is NO place to hide, and like me, you'd soon tire of wearing your good suit and start showing up in tattered jeans and no makeup. We can't dress up as somebody else and try to go get help for our REAL self as if that person is somebody else. To really make changes, we need to show up as we ARE, not dressed for elegant good impressions.

My point is that whatever a doctor says about you (diagnosis or otherwise) after a short consultation is probably as wrong as my elegant image in the purple suit. If that IS how you dress, then fine. But be honest with yourself - and really assess "did I give him a realistic impression of what really goes on with me? Or was I on my best behavior and we were both kidding ourselves a bit?"

We usually expect a professional to intuit the truth about whatever is going on in our minds. they CAN'T - it's up to us to be very specific about the real stuff we think, how often we think that way, how we feel, how crippled we are because of it, etc...we have to paint a REAL picture, not just toss in "and i feel very anxious.." and expect the poor idiot to read your mind. It will never happen. The problem is that you end up looking SO normal, most doctors will just say "oh, don't spend so much time worrying" and that's the end of your diagnosis.
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I know just what you mean. Appearing normal can be such a burden at times. I had one doctor who commented I must be doing better now because I started dressing nicer. When I started seeing my newest psych, I made a point to dress exactly how I was feeling inside. Fortunately, some can see through it. We need to find those professionals who can see through it- those who really listen with their hearts.
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