Well it's a long story - but here goes.
I went to the doctor on Monday with the print-out from Homeskool's post. He gave it a cursory glance and dismissed it and me as someone who was basically just depressed. While there may be element of truth in this, I still am a convert to what Homeskooled said. It makes perfect sense to me. The doctor just switched me to another anti-depressant and gave me a short course of Diazepam (2mg * 5)! He might as well give me a glass of water.
I was furious when I came out, so I immediately seeked a second opinion from another doctor (highly illegal now thanks to the government). He, bless him, took greater interest in what Homeskooled wrote, but still - (and I guess you can't blame a normal GP) stilll agreed that I had aggitated depression and gave me a years supply (virtually) of Clonazepam, 2mg. Now this stuff really works for me, which adds credence to the TLE theory. All the other benzo's do diddly-squat for me.
Anyway, this doctor has refered me to yet another pyschologist to who, I hope, can get the message across. Yet I'll have to wait another 18 months for that.
Sure, I guess I have reason to be depressed, what with all the crap that has happened to me, but it goes deeper than that. I've always felt like this, since as long as I can remember, to a certain degree.
So I'm at work today stoned out on Clonazepam, feeling like a lump of turd. I really really don't have reason to. I've got loads of money, a decent girlfriend, loving parents...but still, it's never enough. And that's what makes me feel depressed. I seriosuly contemplate ending it all, although I wouldn't because of the hurt it would cause my mother, but in this world of rain, misery, violence and suffering, it's an appealing option. I'm just existing. It may be enough for most people, but because of my stupid brain, it's definately not enough.