[Guest]

feeling shitty,..have my three weeks off from work.. i work at a school and i have three weeks off between summer school and the new year starting. i am off from college too.i know i could be cleaning blah blah blah..but im not. im doing what i do. the codine the dentist gave me .i m thinking right now.. its a damn good thing..cause i might be going nuts if i didnt have it..but you guys are reminding me that its no good. i know your right. i just drank a beer too.. i know that eventualy everything wears off. i sound pathetic. i was watching docotor phil and he was like, you have to find something to get excited about in your life to fill a void.. well i did...i found a career path..i am really excited...but there still must be a void. i feels like im the only real thing and everything outside is just like a movie.

 

[dalailama15]

Dr Phil needs to get his fat head out of his fat ass and find a real job.

But seriously--that's, it, aminic. Among the thousands of metaphors this is as good as any. I too feel as if no reality exists outside my own brain. Yes I keep pushing on, try to work hard, try to challenge myself, try to improve my financial situation, try to get excited about change, about ideas.

I continue doing these things even though, on any refection at all, it all seems pointless. It seems I am doing this work for somebody else, like one of those poor women who put their contemptible boyfriends/husbands through, for example, med school, only to be dumped when they graduate into a great job.

This other person would, I guess, be some other self that can appreciate all this stuff, that may appear tomorrow, or next month, or next year, or whatever.
.
We don't have to settle for this kind of life. But what are we to do?