[coolwhip27]

What keeps me disconnected is my constant greed to figure stuff out (in my mind). When I say greed, I mean intellectually. It’s as if I want to figure out the mystery of the universe and bottle it, or to find out the true meaning of things. It makes for a constant chatter of the mind, intellectually and obsessively. And then I fear losing the thought or understanding. I fear I’ll forget that important meaning, as if it’s that important. The truth is that none of it is, but even though I know that I am not “seeing” it enough in my mind.

Jiddu Krishnamurti knew there was a difference in the actual depth of understanding something in your mind. For Instance, not just seeing a fact on the surface, but how It literally relates to reality

 

[ThoughtOnFire]

"The Impossible Question is This: Can the Mind Empty Itself of the Known?" - Jiddu Krishnamurti

 

[Trith]

What keeps me disconnected is my constant greed to figure stuff out (in my mind). When I say greed, I mean intellectually. It’s as if I want to figure out the mystery of the universe and bottle it, or to find out the true meaning of things. It makes for a constant chatter of the mind, intellectually and obsessively. And then I fear losing the thought or understanding. I fear I’ll forget that important meaning, as if it’s that important. The truth is that none of it is, but even though I know that I am not “seeing” it enough in my mind.

Jiddu Krishnamurti knew there was a difference in the actual depth of understanding something in your mind. For Instance, not just seeing a fact on the surface, but how It literally relates to reality

I relate to this. I have a feeling I need to have some control over stuff, over my mind, my feelings. At some point in my life they were unmanageable. In my case I had some serious problems with love relationships an emotions in general, because of some mood disorder. My emotions were dangerous to me, and when they started I always knew they would explode and ruin my day (and they felt like they were ruining my life), make me feel very depressed eventually, or this kind of thing, and they did. My emotions were a constant mess, changing all the time, one day I was on the way to be the king of the world because I had control over my mind (this sort of semi-delusions) and everybody was loving me, and the next day (or the next hour) I was in deep depression and couldn't function anymore. And every time I switched from one emotion to the next I believed that one would be the last switch and I was in that last emotion forever. So my whole life was switching direction all the time, and I think I really needed more order, and so I used my obsessions to try to make sense of everything, or to make myself believe I had some control over it. And the truth is I think it did help me. Perhaps it did give me some control to some extent, and also it kept me busy to not get swallowed (or to get less swallowed) by these emotions. A few years ago, I realized I could fall in love (kind of) again, and it was very hard because it instantly made some strong and dark emotions come up, like loneliness or strong feelings of not beeling loved and so on. Most probably trauma related things.
So right now I am trying to be more open to what I feel, or at least manifest the intention of feeling more stuff and allowing myself to be more vulnerable, as they say. So instead of fighting my own fighting with intellect, I try to embrace bit by bit what this fighting was initially there to protect me from. But it should not turn into yet another attempt at controlling stuff. I think that any of my attempts at solving my problem is bound to fail if its objective is to protect me even more from life, protect me from DPDR and so on. I tend to think this is what it boils down to for me.

 

[retrobot]

I’m on the same boat, I literally just want to evaporate sometimes, life has become blah

 

[leminaseri]

I relate to this. I have a feeling I need to have some control over stuff, over my mind, my feelings. At some point in my life they were unmanageable. In my case I had some serious problems with love relationships an emotions in general, because of some mood disorder. My emotions were dangerous to me, and when they started I always knew they would explode and ruin my day (and they felt like they were ruining my life), make me feel very depressed eventually, or this kind of thing, and they did. My emotions were a constant mess, changing all the time, one day I was on the way to be the king of the world because I had control over my mind (this sort of semi-delusions) and everybody was loving me, and the next day (or the next hour) I was in deep depression and couldn't function anymore. And every time I switched from one emotion to the next I believed that one would be the last switch and I was in that last emotion forever. So my whole life was switching direction all the time, and I think I really needed more order, and so I used my obsessions to try to make sense of everything, or to make myself believe I had some control over it. And the truth is I think it did help me. Perhaps it did give me some control to some extent, and also it kept me busy to not get swallowed (or to get less swallowed) by these emotions. A few years ago, I realized I could fall in love (kind of) again, and it was very hard because it instantly made some strong and dark emotions come up, like loneliness or strong feelings of not beeling loved and so on. Most probably trauma related things.
So right now I am trying to be more open to what I feel, or at least manifest the intention of feeling more stuff and allowing myself to be more vulnerable, as they say. So instead of fighting my own fighting with intellect, I try to embrace bit by bit what this fighting was initially there to protect me from. But it should not turn into yet another attempt at controlling stuff. I think that any of my attempts at solving my problem is bound to fail if its objective is to protect me even more from life, protect me from DPDR and so on. I tend to think this is what it boils down to for me.

again youre exactly talking about me. ask myself if i will be also stuck with dpdr for the next 20 years

 

[coolwhip27]

I relate to this. I have a feeling I need to have some control over stuff, over my mind, my feelings. At some point in my life they were unmanageable. In my case I had some serious problems with love relationships an emotions in general, because of some mood disorder. My emotions were dangerous to me, and when they started I always knew they would explode and ruin my day (and they felt like they were ruining my life), make me feel very depressed eventually, or this kind of thing, and they did. My emotions were a constant mess, changing all the time, one day I was on the way to be the king of the world because I had control over my mind (this sort of semi-delusions) and everybody was loving me, and the next day (or the next hour) I was in deep depression and couldn't function anymore. And every time I switched from one emotion to the next I believed that one would be the last switch and I was in that last emotion forever. So my whole life was switching direction all the time, and I think I really needed more order, and so I used my obsessions to try to make sense of everything, or to make myself believe I had some control over it. And the truth is I think it did help me. Perhaps it did give me some control to some extent, and also it kept me busy to not get swallowed (or to get less swallowed) by these emotions. A few years ago, I realized I could fall in love (kind of) again, and it was very hard because it instantly made some strong and dark emotions come up, like loneliness or strong feelings of not beeling loved and so on. Most probably trauma related things.
So right now I am trying to be more open to what I feel, or at least manifest the intention of feeling more stuff and allowing myself to be more vulnerable, as they say. So instead of fighting my own fighting with intellect, I try to embrace bit by bit what this fighting was initially there to protect me from. But it should not turn into yet another attempt at controlling stuff. I think that any of my attempts at solving my problem is bound to fail if its objective is to protect me even more from life, protect me from DPDR and so on. I tend to think this is what it boils down to for me.

I also use different obsessions to try switch the direction of my mind. It feels like there’s no other way, I’m always struggling with one bad obsession or another. That’s the thing, the obsessions I use are always a problem or something to get over

 

[Trith]

again youre exactly talking about me. ask myself if i will be also stuck with dpdr for the next 20 years

I hope not, for all of us... but I am still happy that I can make some progress again on personal stuff. I don't know if this will help me with DPDR, but if my life keeps getting better on other aspects I accept it gladly as well.