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the most misserable christmas yet

3755 Views 32 Replies 13 Participants Last post by  terri*
gets worse every year...ive realised im not actually making progress,im becoming more and more lost as the years go by...
i have to be realistic now and accept that i am not getting better...this isnt me feeling sorry for myself or feeling down,but there is usally a hint of seasonal emotion and this year nothing at all...i dread the year ahead,and just hate this crap,there has to be a way out

happy christmas for those that are actually making the effort to enjoy..

no doubt next year will be worse (if im still around)
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Though my girlfriend hates my negative thoughts...

I am soooooo depressed now too....this time last week I was feeling good. But ever since I started getting my DP/Depression really bad, the magic in my life has just slowly slid away. It's like all "magic" and feelings that we are normally supposed to feel, get overtaken by our DP, feelings of strangeness, thoughts of if things feel the same as they used to, if Xmas feels like it should, etc....etc....etc....It all goes back to the thinking too much.

But I went to church this evening with my family. Felt HORRIBLE. Didn't enjoy a single moment of it. All I did was think about how I felt. Same church I have been going to since I was little. Except nothing felt the same. All I could think about was how everyone around me seemed so happy and "in the Xmas spirit" and here I am, struggling to even get ONE smile out. All I wanted to be was at home asleep. Seriously. It is 11pm right now and all I want to do is sleep. So you know what. I'm just gonna go to sleep. Who cares that it is Xmas Eve and it is supposed to be one of the nicest evenings all year. I'm gonna end it like I end most of my days throughout the year and go to bed because I am so DPed and so out of it, that I feel I have no choince. Maybe I will magically gain some Xmas magic overnight and have some enjoyment tomorrow. Worth a shot I guess. Beats the alternative.
Happy Holidays.

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