Though my girlfriend hates my negative thoughts...
I am soooooo depressed now too....this time last week I was feeling good. But ever since I started getting my DP/Depression really bad, the magic in my life has just slowly slid away. It's like all "magic" and feelings that we are normally supposed to feel, get overtaken by our DP, feelings of strangeness, thoughts of if things feel the same as they used to, if Xmas feels like it should, etc....etc....etc....It all goes back to the thinking too much.
But I went to church this evening with my family. Felt HORRIBLE. Didn't enjoy a single moment of it. All I did was think about how I felt. Same church I have been going to since I was little. Except nothing felt the same. All I could think about was how everyone around me seemed so happy and "in the Xmas spirit" and here I am, struggling to even get ONE smile out. All I wanted to be was at home asleep. Seriously. It is 11pm right now and all I want to do is sleep. So you know what. I'm just gonna go to sleep. Who cares that it is Xmas Eve and it is supposed to be one of the nicest evenings all year. I'm gonna end it like I end most of my days throughout the year and go to bed because I am so DPed and so out of it, that I feel I have no choince. Maybe I will magically gain some Xmas magic overnight and have some enjoyment tomorrow. Worth a shot I guess. Beats the alternative.
Happy Holidays.
Kelson
I am soooooo depressed now too....this time last week I was feeling good. But ever since I started getting my DP/Depression really bad, the magic in my life has just slowly slid away. It's like all "magic" and feelings that we are normally supposed to feel, get overtaken by our DP, feelings of strangeness, thoughts of if things feel the same as they used to, if Xmas feels like it should, etc....etc....etc....It all goes back to the thinking too much.
But I went to church this evening with my family. Felt HORRIBLE. Didn't enjoy a single moment of it. All I did was think about how I felt. Same church I have been going to since I was little. Except nothing felt the same. All I could think about was how everyone around me seemed so happy and "in the Xmas spirit" and here I am, struggling to even get ONE smile out. All I wanted to be was at home asleep. Seriously. It is 11pm right now and all I want to do is sleep. So you know what. I'm just gonna go to sleep. Who cares that it is Xmas Eve and it is supposed to be one of the nicest evenings all year. I'm gonna end it like I end most of my days throughout the year and go to bed because I am so DPed and so out of it, that I feel I have no choince. Maybe I will magically gain some Xmas magic overnight and have some enjoyment tomorrow. Worth a shot I guess. Beats the alternative.
Happy Holidays.
Kelson
