Yes Jason, Christmas is bloody hilarious. I can't act sincere when I recieve presents anymore. I smile stiffly and say 'thankyou'. But somehow I have the will and the confidence to stand up to my dad when he's pissing me off. I'm not being bitter, but it's very satisfying when I manage to pull off a sarcastic quip with perfect timing that leaves the whole family in hysterics, after my dad makes a stupid comment about me spilling the gravy or something.
I still think Christmas is special somehow. I mean if it can excavate some sort of emotional response out of this void of a mind, then it has to be. Yes you can put it down to a natural annual body clock or whatever, but somehow each Christmas in the middle of Winter (easily the worst tim eof year for me) something ever so slightly magical happens. Oh God, I can't believe I just used the word magical, I'm too cynical for that. But whether sarcastics and slightly absurd humour is what gets you off or playing video games till you have a psychotic break, or eating chocolate till your face is pimpled to perfection, then now is the time of year to indulge.
I still don't get those people who get excited about the more associative side of Christmas. What I mean by associative side, is the little things that one associates with Christmas, that aren't, in my opinion, really a significant part of Christmas. Consumerism and mass purchasing is a major part of Christmas and it is fun. Seeing all your family together is a major part of Christmas, and can be fun. The afforemention over indulging is a major part also, and is usually fun too. These things are fun, unless you're really depressed, like most of us here.
But I hate all the decorations and the crappy movies and the suicide inducing 'tv specials' and the songs. What's annoying is when people confuse these things with Christmas, like they really matter. I'm sorry but they're just so fucking childish. Putting up a Christmas tree is a predictable and tiresome affair. Oh, and going to church DOESN'T ADD MEANING TO CHRISTMAS UNLESS YOU'RE A PRACTISING CHRISTIAN. So please if you don't go to church the rest of the year, and happily see Jesus as 'just another historical' figure, who is more often the basis of a crap joke than an actual metaphysical entity, then don't go to church at Christmas!!!!! Basically it just annoys me when an adult is able to enjoy Christmas in the same way as a child, but then I am a cynical bastard.
For a brief period everything sort of came together again. Not in a false 'I'm cured!!!!' sort of way, but more I was able to see through the haze of shit that clouds my existence, through to what life was and still is. It reminded me of how damn good this year has been, apart from the second weed smoking incident in September, and the hellish months that followed. Importantly I think I am able to connect with what made me recover 90% before.
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its been a rough year and i really hope i can try to enjoy 2morrow.....if not for me for the kids as what SB put is the exact same way my kids are......here i am at 22.55 and still cant do santa as the kids are awake....... :?
