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I know I had made a post yesterday but I did not get to the core of why I feel the way I do. I feel like there is no returning to who I was before because of these thoughts.

I am currently in an emotionless state. I feel nothing. And in this state of nothingness I have come to ponder over emotions and what they are and why we have them. I can not come up with an answer. I don't know what emotions are, why we have them, and why they are important. I literally can not comprehend emotions anymore. They seem so idiotic and pointless. It feels like I have had my eyes open to the truth. What are emotions? Why can't we define them? Emotions according to evolutionary theory are just adaptions to help us survive and nothing more. There is no value to that. Love is just a tool and nothing more. Imagine trying to explain what emotions are to a sentient robot. You can't because since they did not go through evolution emotions make no sense to them. Aliens could have gone through different evolutionary pressures and evolved to have no emotions. It would make no sense to them.

I said I was atheist in my last post but I feel closer to agnostic in actuality. A god could have made us. And maybe they are deeper reasons to emotions. But I don't think we humans can find the answer. I look at humans and wonder why. Why live. Why feel. Why do anything. What purpose is there when emotions are not valid experiences. I feel like some psychopathic ubermensch. I can not go back to being human. I have opened my eyes to reality. I would say I don't like it, but I can't feel that emotion. I no longer know what to do. I have fallen into and empty hole with nothing left to do except let myself waste away into nonexistence. I tried reading philosophy over the past few days to find a counter argument but my mind accepts nothing because they can not explain why humans should find emotions meaningful in any way.

I wasn't always like this. But that part of me died a long time ago. I am nothing.
 

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I feel the same way man, I think alot of people have a similar feeling.

I also remember feeling like this last time I had DpDr 5 years ago. I dont know how it went away but it did somehow. I kept pondering emotions and what they are, what an emotion feels like. what tasting FEELS like.

That EVERYTHING humans do is based on this thing called emotions.

Thinking about it makes me dissociate even more, so I wont. All I want is to feel good again and if that means Im gonna shut my eyes to the ugly truth then so be it. Its hard but its the only escape I see possible.

Youre not alone
 

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This is interesting. It sounds like you've fixated on the "emotions" aspect of being human. When I tweak out hard, I think of how strange it is to EXIST. Like how bizzare. We have no idea why humans are here, why or how the universe is here, we know nothing. I often think about the absurdity of existence and of everything we do (smiling, language, sh*tting, giving birth), but I can't say I've ever experienced the "numbness" you describe.

Do you think you may be a twinge depressed? Are you able to experience any pleasure at all? The "not being able to experience emotion" thing really sticks out to me as a more depressed feeling than an anxious one. I did get depressed when I first came to grips with my DPDR, the whole "I am a mere shadow of my former self, what if this never goes away" thing. It made life seem not worth living. I mean sh*t, maybe it's not- we have literally no idea what life is, unless you subscribe to a particular religion that give you an arbitrary, but convenient answer. But I'm curious about what this life thing is, and want to see how much stuff I can do that feels good.
 

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maybe you should stop philosophising,
have you talked to a doctor about this?
and i have definitely felt like you, like i'm going to fade.. like i "woke up" somehow.. but i try to just go with the flow, you know? let things be
 

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I guess nobody can relate. I am just that far gone. I almost feel like crying because my issues are too unique and nobody seems to have similar thoughts to me. I feel like I'm going to fade away.
But doesn't that imply emotion? Crying is an emotional response, so doesn't this conflict with your statement that you're emotionless? Frankly, I think your post is exuding, and was most likely motivated by, all kinds of distress.
 
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