YES! This is it. This is really similar to how I've felt. Sometimes it seems like I'm looking at life and reality from behind the scenes, and like I've discovered something that most people don't see. It's sort of a Matrix-style idea, and it always scares me because when I'm ignoring it, it makes me feel like I'm living a less enlightened or less meaningful life. Like I'm on a lower intellectual level. I think that may just be worry though, and that I'm so focused on it that I don't see the more meaningful and intellectual side of actually living life, and thinking about what's in it.