Yea i can relate. Dpd mostly affects my thoughts too. I usually focus on where my thoughts are coming from and how i'm causing them, but i'm wondering about that with my thoughts. It drives me totally insane. It gets so bad a lot of the time i just can't think anymore. It's like a wall blocking me. I can definitely relate to everything else you said also. Do you ever wonder if there is such a thing as free will? I think about that a lot.