[59Ballons]

YES! This is it. This is really similar to how I've felt. Sometimes it seems like I'm looking at life and reality from behind the scenes, and like I've discovered something that most people don't see. It's sort of a Matrix-style idea, and it always scares me because when I'm ignoring it, it makes me feel like I'm living a less enlightened or less meaningful life. Like I'm on a lower intellectual level. I think that may just be worry though, and that I'm so focused on it that I don't see the more meaningful and intellectual side of actually living life, and thinking about what's in it.

NO SERIOUSLY YES YES YES YES ABSOLUTELY 100% AGREE!! FINALLY!!! This is exactly how I feel!!!!!! I have always had these existential thoughts, but the past few months I've been a train wreck when I'm thinking about them. But when I distract myself, it feels like I'm just "coasting" through life. It's glorious and amazing to feel anxiety free.... But in retrospect, I don't feel like I'm actually "living" because In wasn't thinking about how weird life is.