[g-funk]

I don?t know why or what I?m writing here, I just couldn?t put off a ?reassurance post? any longer.

Last summer was awful. Can?t be bothered to describe any more than that. Just plain awful. X 10000.

Life turned around for me, and the demons started to fall away rapidly, and although the occasional ?blip? the general direction was up, up and up again. When you gain momentum like that, the last thing you want to do is look back.

I?ve been really busy with work, my OU degree and my social life. I went to New York 3 weeks ago. I got engaged. I celebrated. A lot. So, so happy.

The calm AFTER the storm, and the occasional crack starts to show. I just want to know one thing, and that?s why? I could not imagine falling for the lures of the ?dark side? and now I can?t remember how I managed not to. I think it?s because the dark side wasn?t there calling me. I think that?s why it?s hard to imagine our positive mindset when we are down and vice versa.

So why now, the unsettling experiences and thoughts? I?ve had a bit of good old fashioned stress recently, nothing I can?t handle, though I wonder, because after something which I think has unfazed me, two days later, I may have a completely unrelated head spin thing, that disconnection to your body and shooting down a tunnel backwards type DR.

Levonelle. That?s all I?m going to say. Screwed me up good and proper. Moving swiftly on?

If I have one more dream involving in-laws meeting and trying to get me in a white dress, and then turning around in the aisle to see I?m actually marrying my brother or the postman then I?ll scream. I am the anti-bride yet I am rapidly becoming bridezilla by obsessing over venue and stuff I thought I really didn't care about.

I understand that when we are weak we feel that pursuing dark thoughts holds some sort of answer. A promise of some sort. Compelled to understand ourselves. I just wish I understood why the thoughts come up when all should be rosy. Maybe I feel it?s too good to be true?
I WANT TO RELAX!

Anyone want to become my wedding planner bcos its driving me up the wall???!!!!

 

[Guest]

I always thought you were a bloke :lol:

 

[g-funk]

I always thought you were a goldfish :lol:

You're not the first to say that, somewhat disconcertingly.

Anyone else under the same impression?

Funnily enough, I grew up around the opposite sex and am a total tomboy. Hence the adversity to white meringue on my wedding day.

Can I ask what it was that made you think that?

 

[Guest]

I always thought you were a goldfish :lol:

You're not the first to say that, somewhat disconcertingly.

Anyone else under the same impression?

Funnily enough, I grew up around the opposite sex and am a total tomboy. Hence the adversity to white meringue on my wedding day.

Can I ask what it was that made you think that?

Don't worry, not your language or linguistic style, just your username

Just assumed it, being a bloke meself

 

[g-funk]

my nickname was G, then when the term 'g-funk' became popular back in the 90's, with Snoop and that famous Warren G track, it stuck.

 

[Guest]

my nickname was G, then when the term 'g-funk' became popular back in the 90's, with Snoop and that famous Warren G track, it stuck.

Ahhhhh

 

[Guest]

G-funk,'

You are one smokin' cat! Too bad your face is covered up.

 

[g-funk]

 

[Guest]

Id like to get my gfunk on wit you babbbyy

 

[Guest]

You know it 8) :lol:

 

[Martinelv]

It's interesting that you mention the dark side. My friends have always said that I am virtually a Dark Lord of the Sith. Darth Elv if you like. Cunning, manipulative, hedonistic, with regular bouts of mindless aggression, jealously, recklessness to the extreme, with tempered with occassional bouts of spontaneous generosity, love, devotion, caring, thoughts for others. It's a continuous struggle between the two. Maybe that's why I manage to slip my way through life with jobs, women, friends...I can really turn on the charm when the needs require. Still, as I'm coming to learn, you can't have both sides of your nature overtly exposed at the same time....family, society, self-loathing, guilt and the law just don't play ball.

Sometimes the better side of my nature, I like to think, has walked over hot coals to help someone, or do something nice (like spending all my savings to send my long suffering parents to Thailand), and at other times I feel such sweeping (seemingly) non-specific anger I could crush the planet and everyone in it in the palm of my hand.

I think the term is either sociopath, Borderline Personality Disorder, or just simply a normal(ish) person who gives into his dark side, willingly, and too easily. Rage and hatred certainly make you feel alive.

 

[g-funk]

My dark side is aimed at myself, self destruction if you like.

I sometimes think I'd rather be a sociopath and hate everyone else than myself all the time. I have moments of intense rage. The only person I want to crush is myself. Bf sees me punch walls after trying clothes on and worries about our (future) kids. I would never be like that, I don't think I have ever felt violent towards someone else.

Actually that's a lie, he shouted in my ear last night and I thought my ear drum burst so I thumped him :twisted: